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Author Topic: expert advice
angelsface
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although this is a non-sex related question, i really needed some expert advice on the topic. my exboyfriend and i broke up in january, soon before he was in a serious car accident. he had some minor brain damage which the doctor said might result in some personality changes. our breakup was really messy and he didn't take it well.. he harassed my family and i so much to the point where my mom wanted to call the cops and report him..so until recently we hadn't spoken. to make a long story short, he text messaged me about a month ago saying he had started having gran mal seizures, which his neurologist concluded were a result of brain tumors that were rapidly growing as a result of his brain hemorrhaging/contusions. he said he had a biopsy done and they had determined he had 3-5 years to live with treament, and months to live without. he had decided he didn't want treatment which was obviously a difficult thing for me to deal with. however, some incredibly fishy stuff surrounding his story about his brain cancer started surfacing, and it occured to my family and i, as well as many other people who know him, that this could all be fabricated. the one piece of his story i believe will confirm this is the piece about his brain biopsy, he said it was done through his ear, as an outpatient procedure. is this even possible!??? why would it not be the mainstream way of brain biopsies since it's so much easier than drilling a hole into someones skull??!

this has taken an incredible emotional toll on me as far as dealing with the fact that someone close to me could die, and i'd so appreciate ANY feedback. i know scarleteen deals with sexual awareness and things of that nature but i can't think of anything else to do! and i completely understand if you can't answer my question, thank you anyways!

Posts: 114 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Firefly-
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A quick Google search doesn't mention anything about doing a brain biopsy through the ear, and I'm not sure it would even be possible. I mean, unless he meant they pierced straight through the outer ear into the brain, the needle would have to go through a lot of twist and turns, and possibly pierce the eardrum, so that doesn't really make any sense to me.

I'll leave a note to the other volunteers to see if they can find more information on this, but I'd be wary of what this guy is saying. It definitely sounds fishy.

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Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelsface
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that's exactly what i was thinking, but i really don't know anything about the inner ear layout besides the fact that the eardrum "separates" the inner and outer ear.

it just frightens me that someone would fabricate a story as serious as having terminal brain cancer... if he's willing to do that who knows what else he'll try to keep contact with me! as far as what steps i should take if/when i found out he's lying, i could use some guidance on that topic as well. do i confront him? contact his friends and family? before his accident i would have never dreamed he would do ANYTHING like this, his mom died from breast cancer so he knows how serious this type of situation is.

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angelsface
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is there any other information anyone may have???
Posts: 114 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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I looked, but also was unable to find anything which suggests that a brain biopsy can be done through the ear. You have to drill through the skull, so it seems unlikely that the doctor would drill through the ear, risking the patient's hearing. It also wouldn't be done as an outpatient procedure, either, as far as I can tell, because they have to monitor the patient for a few hours after the procedure to make sure there aren't any ill effects (such as seizures).

Really, though, whether or not he's lying doesn't matter that much the way I see it. He's already proven himself to be untrustworthy and stalker-like. Having cancer (or possibly lying about having cancer) doesn't excuse a person from what they've done in the past.

What do you think? Do you think he is someone you can trust? Do you think you should talk to him? You can always send him your sympathies without hanging out with him or talking to him. It sounds like your intuition is telling you to stay away from him, and I've found that my intuition is usually correct, so I'm willing to bet that yours is, too.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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angelsface
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i had dinner with him a few weeks ago when he first told me about everything, and even that felt really weird to me. his mood fluctuated so quickly, he went from thanking me for being so supportive to calling me a disgusting slut within 2 minutes. he's definitely not the same person he was before the accident, which really frightens me. i feel like if i were to confront him about lying to me he'd flip out and might try something irrational or dangerous to hurt me.

however, i know that if i don't talk to him he'll call me and text me and send me harassing messages until i do, and i really don't want to have to change my phone number or anything and let him affect my life so seriously!

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Stephanie_1
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Angelsface: I can tell by your last post that you're not comfortable with him as he is acting. Honestly, if you're feeling that if you don't act exactly as he wants you to (in not talking to him like he wishes) that he will be in some way threatening or harassing you - then you definitely need to stay away from him. I would also suggest – because she knew about the incidents before – that you speak with your mother about this. It’s better that someone else close to you knows what’s happening so that if he tries anything you have someone there that is aware and can help to make sure you’re protected.

When people act irrationally, and especially when their mood changes from one moment to another without indication, you can’t even begin to guess what may come next. This in and of itself isn’t the least bit safe – as not being able to now what will happen one moment to another means that you won’t be prepared and able to keep yourself safe.

Additionally his story really doesn’t check out. The only time that they really go near the ears during a brain type surgery at this point would be when trying to help a deaf person to hear (implants) and when someone who is having seizures is having this problem as a result of hydrocephalus (which they insert a shunt and the tube goes behind but never through the ear). Otherwise, unless the tumors were actually in his ear and not then technically brain tumors – the doctors would go through the skull and not through the ear. Brain surgery has it’s own risks, the doctors really wouldn’t add deafness to that list without absolutely feeling that it was the only way.

You need to worry about your own safety in this situation. I can’t stress enough how important it is at this time to let someone near you know so that you can be sure you're safe. You have to take first priority.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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