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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » A little confused.

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Author Topic: A little confused.
Member # 35280

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First of all, I'm really, really thankful for this website. Reading through even just a few of the articles made me feel a lot more comfortable with a few personal issues.

But before I ramble, I need to go ahead and let out my question.

I've developed feelings-- very intense ones, at that-- for one of my best friends.
Allow me to rephrase-- one of my best female friends. She knows that I like her, and she's stated an interest in me as well, but she has a boyfriend, and, naturally, she can't just up and dump him for someone else-- it would be hurtful, and neither of us ever want to do something that would hurt somebody on such a deep emotional level, like that. It's been four months since things started, and four months that I've been upset and lonely because she can't be mine. The longer I go on feeling so empty, the more I want to just give up on my feelings for her, but I feel like I won't be able to give up, because my feelings are so strong.

I'd really, really appreciate some advice on the matter, more than anyone could ever know. I've spent too many nights trying to figure it out by myself, and I think it's time to look for some outside help.

Many thanks for reading this.

Posts: 1 | From: Fort Worth, TX | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, more than once in life (often far more than once) we're all going to have to deal with not having romantic feelings returned. And if something isn't happening with someone and we just wallow in it endlessly...well, UGH.

Sounds like you two need to make a decision here. if she's committed to her current partner, then y'all need to just put the red light on this, period. Not doing so is just going to keep you feeling crummy, and being on someone's waiting list is always a recipe for feeling like hell.

And deciding that isn't "giving up." There's no battle here: you have feelings for someone who isn't emotionally avoilable right now. You can't make her be so, nor is your waiting around likely to influence that in any way.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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