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Author Topic: Could I be getting in my own way?
Member # 35191

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I've never had a boyfriend. I am not particularly good-looking, so it doesn't surprise me that not many guys are interested in my, but I do find it odd that I am not particularly interested in that many guys.
The guys I've wanted to spend time alone with tend to fall into two categories: either I knew then well platonically and really liked them, or I found them really attractive.
My platonic friends seem to want to stay platonic, and I am not good enough friends with any of them to ask them why... And the dudes I find attractive I will not speak to because I know I should not find them attractive.
I am fascinated by redheads (I have no idea why) but I am black, and my family and my black friends would be horrified if I went out with someone who wasn't black. I have heard them talk about people in interracial relationships and be really nasty. Besides, redheaded guys don't seem to be interested im me anyway.
So I suppose my major problem is that I am not attracted to the guys who try to hit on me. I don't find them *unattractive*, I simply have no reaction to them at all.
How do I become interested in the guys who are interested in me? I would really like to have a boyfriend, and besides, my family is starting to worry about me because I never bring anyone home or talk about my "man problems." It does not help that I like shy, geeky boys, either.

Posts: 3 | From: Washington | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, if they're concewrned, sounds to me like it might be time to try and talk with them about the fact that you're not just attracted to black men.

Really, that's a far better conversation to have BEFORE the fact, and if you dating someone who wasn't of your own race is even a possibility, and you're looking to start dating, you're going to want to work that out, now. It also might make clear to them some of why you're not thinking about brining anyone home.

That said, I can pretty much promise you that redheaded men are, as a group, attracted to a wide range of people. Having red hair hardly inclines a person to be attracted to one sort of person or the other. [Smile] But too, while we all have our aesthetic preferences, who you wind up dating is going to be based on a lot of things, not just what someone's haircolor is. So, you might want to broaden your horizons some when someone asks you out (or in who you ask out): have a date, see how you get along and how you feel about them after spending a little time. One date isn't a commitment, it's a trial thing.

And you know, one of my favorite parts about dating was (and if I were still dating, likely would be) the fact that even when I didn't have a love match on a date, several dates I've had in my life have wound up cultivating really awesome friendships in my life. So, it's hardly like dates with someone you aren't sure will be a romantic thing are a waste of time. [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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