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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Three Questions/Concerns

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Author Topic: Three Questions/Concerns
Member # 24837

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My first thing is...

I had unprotected sex with my (now ex) boyfriend and as soon as I could took a pregnancy test. It was positive. About 2 weeks later (1 1/2+), I experienced cramping and I bled real heavy, more than my usual period. I immediately thought miscarriage. I told my ex-boyfriend and he was okay because it wouldn't affect his life any if I had a miscarriage. Later that night, he called really worried because he remembered his roomate's mom saying that she had a normal period during all nine months of her pregnancy with Heather. Heather is 18 and healthy, and her mom is an RN. He wants me to take another test to make sure it's negative. I has SOOO much trouble even getting the first single test. I don't know how I'll ever get another one. I just want your opinion about any of this.. not really a specific question.


My boyfriend and I (the one that's now an ex) first had sex at just past 11 months of us being together and were both virgins. Soon after, he talked about breaking up with me. I know he loved me at one time because I'm so high-maintnance that he wouldn't have stayed with me that long if he didn't. Do you think he could have just wanted me for sex? We were together for a long time before it even became an issue and even then we both agreed to wait (and then not to wait). He didn't even want to have sex a second time because he felt it would make it harder on me when he left. I don't know what type of answer I'm looking for on this one either. I basically just want to get it out.

Oh, and also..
My ex-boyfriend is overly concerned about his size. I tell him that I love every inch of him just the way it is and that I wouldn't change a thing even if I could. Still, he's convinced he's too small. He's 5 and 3/4 inches and I know that's average. All his friends apparently are all bigger than he is and this concerns him even though it was never an issue for me. How, if I'm ever in this situation again, can I help to boost his esteem? Is there anything you could suggest for me to say to him to make him feel better about it?


Trust in the Lord your God...

Posts: 17 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Hey there,

1. First of all, if you think you've had a miscarriage, you need to see a doctor. You do need to take another pregnancy test ... Chances are good that if all of the 'products of conception' were expelled, you'll get a negative pregnancy test. However, it is possible to retain part of the embryo ... This could give you a positive pregnancy test, AND put you at great risk for uterine infection. You NEED to be seeking medical care here.

2. It's impossible for any of us to say whether or not your ex wanted you for sex. It's possible. It's possible that sex changed the relationship for him. It's possible that something else came up, totally unrelated, that made him decide to end it.

3. You're not responsible for someone elses self esteem. You can tell someone that you love them just the way they are until 'the cows come home' and that's not going to change their image of themselves if they're not willing to accept themselves as they are. You can keep telling him that you love him the way he is, and tell him specific parts about him that you love ... And ask him what parts of him he loves too ... But don't feel responsible for his self esteem. You're not ... and you're not helping either of you in taking on this responsibility when there's so little you can do.

(Oh yeah ... See a doctor. No, really. Please. No joking. Playing around w/ something like this is playing around w/ your fertility and even your LIFE. Good luck.)

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 09-20-2005).]

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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