I am a young married woman (wed in a rush 3 years ago) and I have decided to give to give my husband the heave-ho I'm afraid. Hes the lovliest, kindest, gentlest man who lets me do what I want, see who I want and be who I want but hes not the perfect husband everyone thinks he is... We have'nt had sex for 15 months. He refuses to touch me in any way, even kiss me properly! When I once suggested we see a Phsycosexual counsellor he went purple and said we don't need to as we don't have a problem. I've had every excuse under the sun-from the usual "I'm tired..." to "I've got a lot on my mind." I've tried to talk to him, I've tried sexy underwear, I've tried taking away to hotels, holidays in romantic places...but to no avail. Now I've moved back home-70 miles away, changed my job location and begun to start again but he seems to think everythings okay!! Is he thick?! I really need to speak to him about this but I don't know how. I've made up my mind-I want to leave him, I've had enough now and I now love him more like a brother than a husband. The affection has gone...but how on earth do I approach the subject without causing too much pain? I'm at my wits end!
Posts: 1 | From: Doncaster, England | Registered: Dec 2004
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Well, it's apparent you're trying to communicate, but he's rebuffing your efforts. You NEED to push the marital counseling issue MUCH harder. Some people have negative opinions of the words "sexual therapy" and take it as a personal affront to their sexuality. Take a different approach. Your problem can be handled by most marriage counselors (that's how it goes in the US anyway, but i doubt the UK would be any different), and there are even programs at churches that tackle marital discord in the bedroom. What i'm trying to say is that yours is a common problem, and there are plenty of sources for help.
I see you are at your wits end, and you are strongly considering divorce. I think it's fair in this case to give him an ultimatum. Marital counseling or split. I want you to be able to save your marriage, so let's hope he's amenable to counseling and opening lines of communication.
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