I need some help with dating. Anything and everything you know about it would help. When school starts up again, I'm going to ask a girl out. I know she likes me, so that isn't the problem. The problem is... well there's more than one reason. I am quite anti-social, I have no friends whatsoever and therefore have terrible conversation skills. People think I'm boring because I don't know how to talk to/with people. And I'm not. Another problem is my extreme political views/outside image. She is relatively "regular" with friends, normal clothes, and all that. I am a Communist with crazily dyed hair and a trenchcoat(no affiliation with certain murderous individuals). I'm not sure why she likes me. I'm not even sure why I like her. What I really need help with now are my conversation skills(how to talk to girls). Right now all I plan to say is "Hi". No idea what to say after that. I'm very much new to this, so any type of advice you could give me I would appreciate. Thanks
------------------ A heretic is a man who sees with his own eyes
Posts: 9 | From: Bay Point, CA, USA | Registered: Dec 2001
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Hey, you sound like most of my boyfriends in high school, doll. And I liked them plenty, but then I had pink hair too.
Usually when we're drawn to people, we really DON'T know why. I mean, we can sit there and makes lists of what we like about a given person, but that still rarely explains the pull we have to them. It's okay for that to be a mystery. It really is part of the joy of the whole thing.
If you and she like one another already, I think it's pretty safe to say she doesn't have a major propblem with what you see as your eccentricities. One generally doesn't talk to men and women different ways, or necessarily talk in differnt ways to those we have romantic or sexual attractions to, and those we are platonic friends with. Personally, for me, the best relationships I have had in my life all had a really strong basis in friendship (thus, why I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends), so why not start by taking the pressure off of yourself and approach her like you would a friend.
If you're not a big talker, that's perfectly okay. Sometimes just starting a conversation with something as simple as, "Hey, how are you," will start the ball rolling. But if you're uncomfortable with that, perhaps try writing a note or a short letter inviting her on a date?
I'm going to move this over to Ask an Advocate, because I think some of the younger advocates (let's face it, I haven't dealt with high school dating in nearly half my lifetime) might be able to give you a little more help on this to get you started.
You sound exactly like my bf and i. And we've been together for nine months now. So, anything is possible okie? Just remember that.
I'm the "normal" one. I get good marks in school, am involved in extra curriculars, do some voluteer work ... yadda yadda yadda. He went through somewhat of a phase before i met him w/ the coloured hair and piercings all over the place. He still wears a trenchcoat.
Point being, we're both very very different, and come from different "social" groups in school, but we didn't let that get to us. In fact, it's probably better that we didn't know each other in high school. People (even me sometimes) are way too worried about what their friends think of them, then whether or not they're going to be truely happy in a relationship. You wouldn't be dating this girl for your friends and she wouldn't be dating you for her friends either.
Do you have any mutual friends? Maybe even a close friend that can 'decide' that you two are perfect together and should go out on a date, just for coffee or something.
As Miz S said tho, if she likes you, she probably doesn't have a problem w/ the way you dress/act/whatever. You know she likes you, you know you like her, now all you have to do is talk to her. Say hi. Ask how her day is going. Ask if she's busy tonite and if she wants to go do something later on.
Oy, boy do I remember having a hard time starting up conversations in high school. Part of it, I think, was that I tended to over-think things, which resulted in a stilted conversation. But if that is your problem, then I know that over-thinking is something you can't just stop doing (I still do it, actually).
I assume, that since you know that she likes you and you like her, you have talked to this girl before, and as such, maybe you could just get straight to asking her out after the initial "hi, how are you?" bit (though I know that that's harder than it sounds).
I would try not to worry too much about exactly what you'll say, because I have found that if I'm with someone that I'm destined to be friends (or more) with any initial awkwardness will soon be overcome.
Even though I don't consider myself the greatest conversationalist, I have become acquainted with many new people with just little conversations. It doesn't have to be anything earth-shattering, a simple hello and a smile at first will suffice. Try to think of some neutral topics "That test was evil! "[insert teacher's name] is unfair" "Are you worried about exams?" and so on, topics that everyone can talk about. As you become more acquainted with her, things will become easier.
She likes you, trenchcoat and all, so I'm sure you'll be just fine. She's probably just as eager to talk to you, so muster up some courage and go for it!
------------------ Ash Scarleteen Advocate
"Calm. Yes. Calm. Calm. Calm! Calm!! CALM!!" --Ash, while attempting to work instead of bouncing off the walls.
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