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Author Topic: Confused lost and alone
foreverbroken
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I am confused about sexuality. I have always considered myself straight but i don't know. When I sees pretty girl I say oh she is pretty and I want to get to know her and hug her and what not. Never kiss them really except for one. And never sleeping with them. When I see a guy I am like oh he seems. Ice and want to get to know him and form a relationship win them. So what I am saying is I am atracted to both mainly males but I never want to form a sexual relationship with a girl. So what does that make me I am confused lost and I honestly have never said this to anyone. So I am a little embarrassed and ashamed on how I feel. I need advice? Sympathy? Someone to respond. Please help.

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Im always abandond

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Hey diamonddust,

Can you elaborate on feeling embarassed and ashamed? What part of this makes you feel this way? There is nothing to be ashamed of, feelings are feelings and there is nothing wrong with how you feel, even if you can't quite peg down how you feel. It's okay that you feel ashamed and embarassed, I remember feeling similar things when I started thinking about my sexuality for the first time. I also remember feeling alone and afraid. Hopefully, however, we can help you to start feeling better about your sexuality, no matter how you choose to define it!

One thing I'd like to say, is that how you feel about guys isn't really going to have anything to do with how you feel about girls. It's kind of like how liking apples doesn't mean that you will dislike pears. Sexuality is so often presented as a binary that it can be difficult to remember that other sexualities exist, like bisexuality, pansexuality and asexuality.

I can't tell you what your sexuality is, no one but you can. Sexuality is fluid, what you feel at one point doesn't dictate what you will or will not feel at another. From personal experience I know that labels don't always feel very satisfying, sometimes they feel very wrong when even just the day before they felt perfect.

It's okay not to be exactly certain of your sexuality, if you let yourself feel what you feel you will figure it out with time.

What direction would you like to steer this conversation in?

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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foreverbroken
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i mean i want to be with a guy i want to marry o ne nad have a family but part of me still thinks girls are pretty and feel oh any guy who has her is luck you know. I mean i will probly never date a girl. I mean i may be bicourious? I dont really know what all the terms mean tho can you let me know what all the terms mean nad what not.

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Im always abandond

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foreverbroken
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i am ashamed and embaressed because i dont want to feel that way i know that i want to live a happy life with kids and i cant have that if i am with a female. I mean i have never wanted to form a sexual relationship with a female i want to do that with a male. But i cant help but think some girls are really pretty and want to be near them and some times get a hug it makes me sercure and happy. I have never had any role model or someone i can really look up to thats a female and so i think i crave that. I am not close with my mom and i think thats another reason i am wanting a female in my life that i can be close to but not be sexually invloved. Does that makes sense?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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You know, all kinds of couples can have kids. There are plenty of kids being raised by families made of women who are couples right now. There are plenty of women who are together as a couple creating families.

However, it also sounds like maybe right now -- who knows, maybe ever -- you don't want to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with a woman, anyway. And I'm not sure if thinking someone is pretty is also paired with feeling sexually and romantically attracted to that person to you or not. After all, we can think people are pretty and want to be around them and not be sexually or romantically attracted to them.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ya thats true i mean sometimes i feel romanticly attracted to them but not sexually is that wrong? Am i considerd bisexual for having those feelings but never acting on them? This is the first time i have ever expresed my feeling about this topic so its a little scarey and i am ashamed and embarssed all at the same time.

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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When it comes to sexual orientation, it's really about what we consider ourselves, not what other people consider us.

And by all means, people can feel romantic attraction or feelings without sexual feelings. Some people even identify themselves as only experiencing romantic feelings, for anyone, and not having sexual feelings for anyone at all.

Too, sexual orientation isn't about what we do or don't do: it's about how we feel. For instance, someone can identify as heterosexual who has never had any kind of sexual relationships at all.

So, so, however you feel is however you feel and that's not wrong. It's how you feel.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ok ya that makes sense. I mean idk i am still confused tho on whats all going thro my mind. I am worried and scared and everything inbetween my feeling for girls has not been to the point where i want to really date them but then again i really dont know. I am just in the motion right now. Does that make sense?

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Im always abandond

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moonlight bouncing off water
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That totally makes sense to me. I think another thing that is so often presented as a binary but truly isn't os our feelings for people. These feelings are presented as being romantic, friendship or nothing. But as you are experiencing, there are so many feelings in between.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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foreverbroken
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there is one girl who i was close to and that was an old advicate that has moved so i dont see her and dont get to talk to her really and thats the one i got really close to and felt this way towards. But i have never said anything to her and probaly wont. I mean i am going to date guys but is it ok to still fantisize or think a lot about girls on the same hand tho?

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Im always abandond

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