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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » To live in Drag or not?

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Author Topic: To live in Drag or not?
Poppa Q
Neophyte
Member # 96321

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I have recently found myself to be thinking I am more Genderqueer rather than Lesbian. But transitioning from female to male has always been in the back of my mind. I am part of the Calgary Fake Mustache Troupe which is a troupe of drag kings who perform at local bars as well as Pride festivals around our area. But I've been super confused lately as to if I want to stay in drag or stay as I am.

I don't have a problem with being called either Sir or Ma'am, or anything in between that because I really don't mind being either or gender. But I'm confused as to how I can feel like both at the same time.

I'm more concerned as to the reaction of my fiancé, she is not 100% sure she would ever get used to having to identify as straight again if I did decide to transition, nor do I want to take away her label as lesbian.

What I'm really looking for here is advise on being genderqueer. This is all new to me and I'm not sure how to sort out my feelings towards day to day things as seeing myself as both male and female. Any advise or tips would be greatly appreciated. I am the only person I know who feels this way.

Thanks!

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"Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come." - Ellen Degeneres

Posts: 2 | From: Calgary Canada | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cricket
Activist
Member # 96015

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I'd recommend checking out http://genderfork.com/ and http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/ to feel a bit less alone in feeling how you feel and see some pictures/poems/commentary on how other folks feel about gender. It also wouldn't hurt to take a peek at Genderpalooza! right here on Scarleteen: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/genderpalooza_a_sex_gender_primer

I identify as genderqueer, if you have any more specific questions about what it feels like I'd be happy to try and answer them.

Posts: 62 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why would your partner have to change her own identity if she didn't feel it has changed?

In other words, your gender identity changing, or you identifying it differently is about you, not about her. This changing for you doesn't change who she is.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Poppa Q
Neophyte
Member # 96321

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The issue with her no longer exists. We are comfortable where we are now as me being genderqueer. She's totally 100% supportive.

But one thing I am having problems with is I get a lot of ridicule from random people out in public about how I look male but they can clearly see a female anatomy. I try to be as confident and nice to those who don't understand or choose to be rude, but it seems like that only makes things worse.
How can I reply to someone who is asking questions but refuses to hear my side of why I feel this way?

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"Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come." - Ellen Degeneres

Posts: 2 | From: Calgary Canada | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI Papa Q,

I'm glad to hear that your partner is comfortable with and supportive of your identity. It sounds like the two of you are doing a lot of thinking and communicating around this. Terrific!

How you manage people who ask question but don't want to hear the answers really depends on who those people are. If they're random people on the street that you don't know, you may be better off deciding that it isn't your job to educate them and that if they're going to be so disrespectful they're not worth your time and energy. If they're friends that likely warrants a different response. Family? A diffrent response again, most likely.

Unfortunately, we can't walk around with little USB drives of the information we want people to know and insert the drives into those people whenever needed. Actually, that's not so sad since people could use that against us. [Smile] So communication ends up being much more of a process, and the way we approach that process and the amount of energy and commitment we put into it will depend on who the people are, what the circumstances are, and sometimes even how we're feeling that day.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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