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Author Topic: Gender issues - just want to talk
NameinNeon
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Okay so... I am very nearly 15 years old and am biologically female. For about 6 months to a year, I've known that I don't identify as female. However, I'm pretty sure that I'm not trans, because I don't feel that I am trapped in the wrong body.

The thing is, while I say that I am bi, I can't see myself being in a relationship with a girl. However, I know that I'm not straight. I don't know if that sounds weird, or if anyone else feels like I do, but I know that I'm not straight. Which makes me gay. But I like guys. Ergo, I identify as a gay male while not identifying as transgender. I do know that I'm not female though, which leaves me with the conundrum, what am I? I've recently been experimenting with the term genderqueer, but I know that it's quite an umbrella term, and something inside me wants a specific label, even though, as a general rule, I despise labels.

In any case, this is starting to get to me more and more, and I'd just really like to know if anyone else know's what I'm going on about. [Smile]

Posts: 1 | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
coralee
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Just because there may not be a single word for what you are, doesn't mean your gender or orientation is any less real or valid. By the way some people prefer to call themselves "queer" rather than "gay" or "bi", which can mean simply that they are not straight or cisgender. However it's always up to you what you want to call yourself.

I don't think you need to feel trapped in your body to identify as trans. I have female body parts and do not feel trapped in them, but I know I am not really female (I guess I'm genderqueer, but often I think of myself as male). I would not call myself transsexual, but transgender...maybe.

So, if you are not attracted to women, but you are attracted to men, you are probably not bisexual or pansexual. It's perfectly ok to just think of your orientation as being "attracted to men". If you wanted to call yourself gay, or queer, that would make sense to me too. And if you wanted to think of your gender as simply "not female" that would make sense to me too. Again, it's always up to you as to how you want to think of yourself.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Welcome to Scarleteen NameinNeon. You might find this article interesting.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gaydar/living_without_labels


The problem with labels, in my opinion, is that they are dependent on so many other factors. This creates many ambiguities, like how you express that feel like gay describes your orientation, but not really feeling like it makes a lot of sense to call yourself that (BTW IMO, if that label feels good to you, use it!) There is a sea of contradictions and lack of sense making with labels that drives me insane.


What works for me (but may or may not work for you) is just identifying, as my signature says, as ME. Not gay or bi or female or genderqueer or male or straight or anything. And I extend that beyond to other parts of my life too. It takes work, and it will every single day of my life, but I try to just be however I want to that day. I wear what I want, I'll date any one I want (if they want to date me of course), I'll be who I want, not what some label say I would.


I do understand, though, the want for a label, even if just to convey the message to others. For example, I sometimes ID as bisexual, just so that I don't get assumed to be straight and don't have to explain a whole bunch.

Hmm, not sure if any of that rambling helped.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 859 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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