The thing is, I really like the label "genderqueer." I am hugely into breaking up cisgender stereotypes in my personal life/relationships/presentation. My personal style and gender presentation varies between very femme and something more along the lines of the awesome folks on dapperQ.
But I think of myself as "female."
And because that's the default word my brain turns towards, I feel almost like I'm cheating/denying transpeople and other genderqueer folk their identity/ making fun of people/ taking things too lightheartedly or ironically. I like being a girl. I really like bending my gender roles/presentation/stereotypes. It's like one big fun toy to me. But it's not the kind of thing I'm likely to get beaten up in an alley for because I'm a "weirdo freak fag," like these more authentic people.
Can someone help me unpack how I feel about this?
-------------------- "Cut her down." "She is a witch!" "But she's our witch. Cut her down." Posts: 174 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Jun 2006
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You don't really have to pass an entrance exam to be accepted into the club when it comes to sexual or gender identity. How we identify is hugely personal, and whatever label feels most comfortable to you is the label you get to use for yourself.
And by claiming an identity, you are not taking anything away from anyone else. Just because you are able to "pass" more easily doesn't mean that you're claiming an identity as a practical joke. Identity can absolutely be playful and fun, and in an ideal world, it would feel like that to all of us.
It's also not like you would be helping anyone by denying yourself this identity: if you tried to suppress your genderqueer identity, non-normative people would still be discriminated against, and you'd be denying yourself a part of your identity.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8422 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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Hmm, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I want to bust up the gender binary, and I have a somewhat fluid gender identity. But I don't think I'll ever be read as something other than female.
There are non-binary femmes. If you feel genderqueer, it doesn't mean that you have to look masculine. I don't identify as femme personally, but I've heard non-binary femmes say that there are subversive elements to their presentation.
Gender is about how you feel mentally...a lot of people's genders don't match their physical appearance or the way they're read by society. It's also not like you earn the right to ID as genderqueer by suffering a certain amount, nor do I think that certain presentations make someone's gender more authentic somehow.
Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2011
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I'm one of those transier-than-you people -- female body, identify as male on most days -- and it makes me smile to hear that you have ironic fun with gender. Go ahead. We all need to lighten the heck up around the subject. And I don't see how I am more authentic than you. If we're both doing what we like with gender, if we're both identifying as what we feel like, we're both being pretty much equally authentic. Nor do you have to apologise to a soul for being unlikely to get beaten up in an alley. I don't see what that has to do with the price of beans.
Posts: 170 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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Hey there, I also think it's important not to lump transfolk together and genderqeers together as homogeneous groups of people respectively... I think just like you, people understand gender differently so naturally I actually think there can actually be some conflict there.
But, I think that by making whatever decision you want about your body and clothing and what words you use to describe yourself that you're showing that it's your decision to do so. And I think that's a good thing for everyone!
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