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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Clothes, clothes, clothes!

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Author Topic: Clothes, clothes, clothes!
Ohana626
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Hi everyone [Smile]

I'm a cis female, and happy to be one! I'm very comfortable with my identification as female.

But I've always had a hard time presenting as "feminine". When I was a child nothing in my closet was "girly" in the least. It was sweatsuits, non-form fitting shirts, and blue colors all the way! When I reached 16, however, I knew it was time to start dressing better, and I wanted to. The major problem with this was that I HATE clothes shopping, and in general I don't like trying to put together outfits in general because I'm just not very good at it. For me, clothes always had to be comfortable, looking good be damned, but now...I want to look good (and I think I do a pretty good job now) but I still want to be comfortable. In the winter it's easier, I never have trouble finding shirts, and now that jeggings are available, I'm good in the pants department (I've fallen head over heels in love with jeggings, they're miracle pants in my opinion haha)

My ultimate problem is summer, which I'm currently in the middle of where I live. I'm very particular about my shorts, and I'm lucky to have some pairs that I like, but they're not very comfortable to me, simply because my thighs are pretty big and i'm not a fan of jean material outside of how it looks (I don't even wear jean pants anymore because they're so uncomfortable after jeggings). But they make me look feminine, and I like that. I like to look feminine even if I don't act "girly". But for awhile now I've had an interest in trying men's shorts, but I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off. They look so comfortable, but I don't know if I'll still look feminine enough for my liking (some girls can, so I guess I could give it a shot). My other problem with my desire for men's shorts is that I don't have shirts to go with them. I really don't want to wear guy's shirts because I like how curvy I am and want to show it off a little, so I like the female shirts. But I don't know how to coordinate men's shorts and girl's tops...if that's even possible??

Anyone have these issues before? Any advice would be awesome! I'm not sure if this is in the right section, if it isn't please move it to where it belongs, thank you! Any thoughts, especially if you've been in my position with clothes before, would be appreciated! Thanks! [Big Grin]

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Ohana626
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Another note, which I forgot to talk about in the first post (sorry!) is:

like I said, I like the idea of dressing "feminine" (when winter comes I want to try pairing skirts with leggings and see if that looks good on me haha) but I also have desires to wear boy clothes. As cute as girl clothes are, and as cute girls can look in them, I also think girls can look so good and so cute in boys clothes....if they can pull it off, and I'm afraid I won't be able to, and even if I could, I don't know if I'd feel feminine enough in them, even though I want to wear them.

Sorry if that didn't make sense, clothes are such an obstacle for me!

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Atonement
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Plenty of cis-gender girls wear men's basketball shorts and regular T-shirts at my ( very conservative and not very gay or trans friendly) campus, and no one thinks anything of it. It'd probably look more girly if you decided to wear them with a more fitted girl's T.

Also, i don't know if you like dresses, but some sundresses are quite cheap and EXTREMELY comfortable.

You might decide you want to dress up and wear something different, but just for every day casual? I don't see why not!

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MusicNerd
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I used to dress in a "tomboyish" manner when I was younger and uncomfortable with actually having hips. I still wear sweatshirts and sports shirts and jeans nowadays when I want to, but now I also own more clothes that are "feminine" (tight-fitted shirts, skirts, etc.). If there's a guy's shirt that I like (and if it's possibly small enough for me to wear without it looking too baggy on me. that's normally the issue I run into), I won't hesitate to wear it. If you want to wear guy's basketball shorts, then go for it (they do look comfy)! I'm planning going up to one store and getting a pair of men's super-skinny jeans in gray from there since their women's jeans don't have inseams long enough for me and they fit like women's skinny jeans. I kid you not. A woman at the store showed me that trick. [Wink]

If you're looking for affordable clothing in the US (a.k.a. places I look to 'cause their prices are awesome), you could try Old Navy (you could look for stores near you or just order online). They sell men's and women's clothing in average, short and tall sizes. I love their tall pants. [Big Grin] By the way, if you decide to buy things online, you should watch out for any "store checkout" discount codes they have at the top of their page. Then there’s Wet Seal (have in-person stores and online shopping) and Forever 21 (in-person and online as well. they have really cute blazers that I have yet to own). Marshall's is another good place, but they only have in-person stores, not online ones. All of these stores tend to have lots of great sales.

I, too, am in love with jeggings. [Smile] If you want more recommendations after going through those sites, just let me know.

[ 07-11-2012, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Ohana626
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Hi guys, yeah I live in the US, east coast, so I know all those stores you were talking about [Smile]
Atonement, that's kind of awesome about the basketball shorts thing, but I don't want to wear those, I want to wear the shorts with all the pockets that come in plaid and stuff like that.
And as for dresses....I have a strange relationship with them. I want to wear them, but I have a hard time liking myself in them, meanwhile if I do find good ones for me, I'm ALWAYS paranoid about the my underwear being RIGHT THERE thing, like I can't sit comfortably without worrying about my undies showing. I do wear dresses for parties sometimes and stuff, so I do keep those in mind when I'm stopping.

I have another thing I want to ask about, and it kind of goes along with all this. For a little bit now I've thought about cutting off my hair and having a pixie style cut. Right now my hair is long, it goes right to my breasts, and for a long time I loved it like this. But I hate caring for it, drying it, straightening it, it's tiring and not fun and I don't like it. But the thing with cutting it all off....I like how it looks on other people, I love it in fact I think it's a great style, but I don't think it will look good on me, even though I want it. My mother thinks it's a horrible idea, and even though she and I fight about my appearance often enough, she's often right about what looks best on me, and long hair does. My sister also told me that if I cut it people would assume I'm a lesbian (she's not against LGBT members, but she's only 14 and is still working to move away from sterotypes). Now I don't care about the "lesbian" crack; people have short hair and are whatever orientation they want. I'm bisexual, but that doesn't define what I do with my hair. Really, I want short hair because I don't want to have to put tons of effort into doing it. This is more of a personal inn beauty type question though than a gender identifier. I don't know haha you guys don't know what I look like, it's just something I've been thinking about, and since I'm the kind of person who relies on other people's opinions...if I wanted to cut my hair and my friends and parents thought it would look bad, I wouldn't get it...so right now I'm not.

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Ohana626
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Oh my gosh, that was such a rambling post, I'm sorry!
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MusicNerd
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It took me a while (as in years) to want to wear dresses and I had to find dresses that didn't look too frilly in order to feel comfortable in them. I still feel that way about them, actually. [Big Grin] I think you just need to find what works for you. Have you looked for longer length dresses to avoid feeling like your underwear's "right there"? If you find a cute dress that you want to wear, then go for it; if not, you know what, that's okay too. [Smile]

I used to get my hair chemically straightened and when it was straight it would go to my armpits or a little lower. I got it cut down to this length (without the side part) last month and it's grown out a little bit already. I'm planning on growing it out into some crazy curly mess. hahaha! I took that picture to a hairdresser and he was like, "Sure, let's do this! You could also donate your hair!" So, that's how that went. My mom was a little hesitant of it at first, but now she, the rest of my family and my friends absolutely love it. I wear lots of big earrings now and, yes, it is definitely much easier to maintain. I'm sure there are some people think I'm a lesbian with that haircut, but if they say anything I'll be like, "Well, you're close but no cigar. I'm bisexual." [Smile] One of my lesbian friends looks "girlier" than me with her long hair. Such a stereotype that people carry around. [Roll Eyes]

I'm not saying you need to go for that exact haircut (if you decide to get a haircut), but maybe you could find some pictures of celebs who share a similar hair texture to you and take them to the hairdresser. You could find pictures of someone's haircut that you'd like to imitate and take it to a salon to ask the hairdresser if it would look good on you (he/she would know). That's what I did when I got that haircut last month.

Don't apologize! I've been there with rambling on Scarleteen. [Wink]

[ 07-11-2012, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Onionpie
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Hey Ohana626. A trick that I know some of my friends use with shorter dresses, so as to avoid flashing their underwear to the world if the wind blows (I personally feel like the world should be honoured by the presence of my adorable underwear [Razz] ), is that they get some of those short spandex track shorts for running, and wear them under their dresses. That way you can't see them when you're standing up or goin' around your daily business, but if you forget that you're wearing a dress (I've done that too many times... not even sure how I could forget) or if it's a windy day, there's no risk of showing off your knickers [Razz]
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moonlight bouncing off water
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With regards to clothes, I recently took the gender bending plunge and bought some "male" clothing, I love it! And while I am questioning my gender, I'm certainly femme some days and can empathise with a lot of what you're talking about, especially wanting to dress for comfort but not wanting to look anything less than your best.

I'd certainly say that clothing you'd find in the Men's Section is, on the whole, a helluva lot more comfortable than that which you'd find in the "women's" side. Plus they have ACTUAL pockets!

(TRANSPHOBIA TRIGGER WARNING)

When I bought male clothing I had a staff member be pretty rude to me, so be aware that you might take a bit of heat, but as long as you're confident and not shopping at the Westburro Church Thrift Store, you should be alright.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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Sans
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quote:
Originally posted by moonlight bouncing off water:

but as long as you're confident and not shopping at the Westburro Church Thrift Store, you should be alright.

(Lol! Rofl! I got the reference. [Big Grin] )

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Good, I wasn't quite sure how that would go over, also it probably isn't funny for everyone, hence the trigger warning

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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Ohana626
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Haha moonlight, I got the reference too, love it [Razz]

Thanks for your replies everyone, I think once I get together with a girl friend of mine who knows I want to try this, and when no mom's are around to go "what the heck are you doing in the men's department?", I'm going to try on some guy shorts (pockets pockets yaaay!)

I'm still going nuts over my haircut. I'm ranting here, this doesn't have to do with gender identity. I have long hair right now, and I look good like this, but I just hate doing it. Some days I'm fine, and some days it seriously takes an hour to work up the effort to do my hair, drying and straightening it (if I'm wearing it down i HAVE to straighten it, it's much better and managable that way, so I can't cut time by skipping that part) and I just want to CHOP IT ALL OFF. I want a pixie cut, and I've been going back and fourth about it. I like my hair long it looks good, but I love how pixie cuts look too, but I don't know how it'll look on me. And I know lots of people say "Go for it! It's just hair it'll grow back" but if I don't like it it's going to take at least a year for it to grow all the way back, and I KNOW I look silly with chin or shoulder length hair.
Blargh.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Even though it'll take a year, inst it worthit for a year or more of not having to do so much work?

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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Ohana626
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Well...as much as I don't like working on my hair, I can just scrunch it and put it in a ponytail (which I've begun to do more and more often now), and when I want to look good I can dry it and straighten or curl it. But if I cut it and 1) it looks good, awesome! I keep it for awhile and if I want to grow it back out...ugh I just don't look good with that short chin length hair. I'll look bad for a year. And 2) if the pixie DOESN'T look good, then I look bad trying to grow it all back again anyway haha. So I'm still debating. I think talking to my hairdresser will help.
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moonlight bouncing off water
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Yeah, your hair dresser should be able to help.

And I didn't mean to sound pushy or like you had to, but it is something where if you do do it, and hate it, it won't last forever.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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MusicNerd
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I know it helped me when I went to mine. Let us know how it goes when you do meet with your hairdresser!

Btw, I second the "it won't last forever" attitude of Moonlight, since it definitely won't (unless you want it to). [Wink]

[ 07-14-2012, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Cricket
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I think men's shorts and girl's tops can look great together! I'm genderqueer and female assigned at birth, and last summer I stocked up on men's cargo shorts in a variety of colors and patterns. They are some of my favorite summer attire - they're relatively baggy, but it's a fun look, at least for me. I often pair them with tight v-neck shirts, tank tops, or camisoles with shelf bras. The contrast of tight/feminine and baggy/masculine style in one outfit adds a lot of visual interest, in my opinion. It makes me feel like my outfit is more dynamic and varied, and less uniform. Don't be afraid to mix and match stuff from clothing departments intended for different genders - you get to make the rules about your own style, and the comfier you are with what you wear, the cooler you're likely to look.
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Ohana626
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That's awesome to hear, Cricket! That's the kind of outfit I'd go for if I got the men's shorts. Maybe I'll try it sometime, whenever I get a chance to get to the mall!

As for cutting all my hair off....it still feels appealing at times, but since I mainly wanted to cut it for easy maintenance I don't have to anymore. My mom gave me a "Redken" curling gel product, and I use it to scrunch my hair all the time now! It's easy and fast, and I look super cute, so now I have a quick hairdo that looks good and is easy as pie. [Razz]

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MusicNerd
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Yeah, go for the men's shorts outfit (it'll be cute [Wink] )! And that's great to hear that you found a product that's manageable for your hair! [Smile] I know how frustrating that can be sometimes.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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