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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » When and if I can wear the dress

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Author Topic: When and if I can wear the dress
Yelllowwalllpaper
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Member # 74024

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I'm getting ready to start my senior year of high school at a new school, and I was thinking that it might be an easy time to start expressing my genderqueer identity. I mOved out of my fathers house, found spirituality that accepts me, and fought many of the battles that lead to self acceptance; yet a few concerns remain.
First, i was curious as to what career options would be closed for me.
Second, while I'm no longer afraid of verbal abuse, I am concerned about the possibility of physical violence toward me if I reflect gender variance in my appearance and mannerisms. I've met very few lgbt in school or any other environment for that matter so I have very little to go off.
I feel that these fears persist because Of past trama from having the one gender variant friend I did have, murdered in middleschool. The event combined with other tensions set my progress toward self acceptance back until now. It's so deep in my mind that it's hard to recognize the difference between unreasonable fear and legitimate concern.
The decision seems to be whether to hit the ground running at the start of this year or ease into it during college in a more accepting environment.

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"Divine I am inside and out, and I make
Holy whatever I touch or am
Touch'd from,
The scent of these arm-pits aroma finer
Than prayer,
This head more than churches, bibles,
And all other creeds"
-Song of Myself, Walt Whitman

Posts: 16 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I am so sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you! But good on you for having found acceptance for yourself and coming out.

Have you been to your new school yet at all? Do you know what sort of a LGBT community it has and whether it's generally supportive?

If you're not sure about any of that, I'd suggest you wait to make your decision until you've been in school a few weeks and have gotten a feel for the place. If you wind up with a supportive community, you can still decide to come out. And if you'd feel safer waiting another year, you can decide to do that.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Another thing you can do is to have a meeting with your school administration in advance of attending school. You can ask them what their policies are in terms of protecting LGBTQ students from harassment and violence, find out what resources they have, and ask them to give you a real sense of how safe it is for you as a genderqueer student there.

That way, you can have some good info before you even start school to base your choices here on.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68254 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yelllowwalllpaper
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I think there is a club, not completely sure. Definitally worth investigating. Thank you!

--------------------
"Divine I am inside and out, and I make
Holy whatever I touch or am
Touch'd from,
The scent of these arm-pits aroma finer
Than prayer,
This head more than churches, bibles,
And all other creeds"
-Song of Myself, Walt Whitman

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By all means, if there is a GSA already in place, you should be able to get a student contact for it from the school. That would be, I'd say, a really ideal way to get a good sense of the school's climate.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68254 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MissSamantha.
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Trust me, in terms of physical abuse, there is none.
I'm in college and everyone noticed my mannerisms had changed after I came to terms with my Gender confusion, etc, and everyone is really ok with it. Of course, you get the occasional snigger, but those people don't understand.

Posts: 5 | From: Carterton | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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MissSamantha: I really wish we could say that no one has to ever worry about any kind of abuse, physical, sexual or otherwise, around orientation or gender.

Unfortunately, that wouldn't be true or sound. It's fantastic you've been safe so far, and that's what we want for everyone. But hate crime and harassment is very real and, sadly, rates have been increasing of late, not decreasing. We can't say there are no physical abuses of trans gender or genderqueer people in high school or college: there very much are.

So, as much as we all wish we lived in a different world, I think it's sound in this one to do what we can do to try and at least get a sense of the social climates we're in to be able to make choices around our safety, even if no one should have to like this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68254 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yelllowwalllpaper
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Member # 74024

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Yeah, it's not something I would ask about if I hadn't seen it and experienced it myself. I guess I just got so excited in overcoming my internal struggles that its hard to accept that there is a whole world to struggle with.
I'm not afraid to stand up for something I believe, but I want to prove a point by starting a happy, healthy genderqueer life, not one in fear and pain. I think that that's how I can make a the greatest difference and the best example.

--------------------
"Divine I am inside and out, and I make
Holy whatever I touch or am
Touch'd from,
The scent of these arm-pits aroma finer
Than prayer,
This head more than churches, bibles,
And all other creeds"
-Song of Myself, Walt Whitman

Posts: 16 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yelllowwalllpaper
Neophyte
Member # 74024

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Update! First day of school today and I already found other lgbt kids. I also think I might have a good number of open minded teachers and friends to turn to. AND there is definitally a GSA at the school that I plan on getting involved in. You can imagine how excited I am. I don't think I'll wear a dress this time around but I definitally feel confident wearing genderneutral and more feminine clothes to school and possibly makeup. First time ever I've felt that option open. Just wanted to drop that news by.

--------------------
"Divine I am inside and out, and I make
Holy whatever I touch or am
Touch'd from,
The scent of these arm-pits aroma finer
Than prayer,
This head more than churches, bibles,
And all other creeds"
-Song of Myself, Walt Whitman

Posts: 16 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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All such great news! Hooray! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68254 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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