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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Possible Trans- VERY Confused. (MTF)

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Author Topic: Possible Trans- VERY Confused. (MTF)
MissSamantha.
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Ok, basically...
In the last 4 weeks;
Me and my (Ex) GF broke up
I discovered I'm Biromantic.
I discovered that my Gender is Female, yet my body is Male.
Now, that was all over by 3 weeks and 4 days, or so, and I had come to terms with it.

However, 4 weeks and 1 day... I have a shower, I look down at myself, and I feel the strange feeling of disgust, or loathing. For some reason, I am hating my body. I feel like I want my body to match my Gender.
However, I don't know how much Science can do, in terms of changing the exterior, height, physique, and the interior, like, for example, inserting a womb.
Plus, Money... I have, literally nothing, and don't even know how much it might be...

Lastly, I don't even know how to approach my Parents with this, as they're both VERY homophobic...

Posts: 5 | From: Carterton | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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Have you read this?
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/genderpalooza_a_sex_gender_primer

If you're on Twitter, you could follow 'genderfork'.

Bodies are just the tools that allow us to live and possibly reproduce. Having one slightly specific reproductive system doesn't mean that you are not female.

I am not female and was born with a uterus, I still have it, and a vulva...it will never make me a girl no matter how many lables people wish to put on my body; because it's mine and I identify as genderqueer.

Culture doesn't understand, I know. However, surgery may not be neccessary if you can see your body as just yours ; rather male or female. Because it has your mind inside it, someone who identifies as female, then it is a woman's body. Please don't hate your body because of culture's views of it. Your body is not male or female really, those are just labels. It is just a penis, because there has to be penises so all the species in the world will continue. That's all it is.

In fact, even more than that, the penis is just like a clitoris. In week seven of the creation of a fetus in a uterus, all reproductive organs are the same. The later different is just about size and position rather than actual difference in organs. The penis is like an outside clitoris, the scrotum infused labia, the testes - outside ovaries. Some people are born intersexed - it is sometimes impossible to tell if it's a clitoris of a penis on some newborns.

As for height and physique - these things have an incredibly high rate of variation. On T.V and in a magazines we only ever seen so-callled 'women' with lots of breast fat and tiny waists and 'men' with big muscles. However, in real life, loads of people with vulvas and wombs are much taller than those with penises, and some people with penises have no visible muscles. You hear a lot of rubbish like 'real women have curves' but plenty of so-called 'women' don't have any breast fat or very little, and plenty of men have a lot. Some people with vulvas have more testosterone than those with penies too, and some people with penies have more estrogen than those with vulvas. Also, when intersexed people grow into adults, they could have muscles, brest fat, be big, small, slim...anything. On most people, if it wasn't for hairstyles an clothing, you wouldn't know whether they had a vulva or a penis unless you asked them.

Even if you had the body that culture would define as male - ei. muscles, maybe google some female body builders - they have muscles but identify as female - and even this different-crazed culture might go with that because of their hairstyle or a padded bra under their shirts.

Because of power structures in society; people have biased views of how different it all is. Many gender nonconforming people (there are millions of us) don't lable their body parts in this difference-focused way. Some MTF trans or genderqueer / no-gender people call their penises clitorises or vulvas, or make up THEIR OWN names that aren't focused on difference. You coukld call your penis something femminine - however you define feminine; like your rose, or your willow. Reclaiming your body parts from the labelling of culture; and making ones up on your own terms, can be really empowering. Check out this thread:

http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/25/t/000422.html

You could think of your testes as ovaries or penis as a big clitorial shaft and glans (I tend to think of my clitoral glans like a small penis - even did as a child).

Do you read? Look up Kate Bernstein on the internet. She was born with the same body as you. However, Kate no longer thinks having surgery on her penis was neccessary, because it was a girl's penis; because kate herself was a girl.

If you like to read, I really recomend:

Gender Outlaw by Kate Bernstein and My Gender Workbook by her.

Do you want to talk about your previous relationship?
I'm ignorant of the condition of being Biromantic, sorry, but someone will show up soon who isn't.
Perhaps just sitting down with your parents in a nice, relaxing way and explaining that your gender has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. What do they think about gender?

You do not have to disclose anything to them until you feel ready, however.

[ 08-01-2011, 05:42 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

--------------------
'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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MissSamantha.
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Thank you very much, love, for replying.
(I did read Genderpalooza, at the start of all my confusion)
I think, personally, I have bee negatively affected by Society and its' preconceptions of Gender / Sex. That being said, I think I'd still like to look a little more "Female", even if it was without surgery, I just don't know how...
My previous relationship? No, it's cool. I know that it has nothing to do with all this, I have my father to blame for the confusion at this stage...
In terms of gender, They think a man is a man and a woman is a woman... end of. I don't think, well my Dad at least, they would ever understand, fully, the concept of a female mind in a male body.

Thank you, again.

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Saffron Raymie
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Hmm, maybe if you think your mom would be more accepting, it may be a good idea- when and if you do want to disclose, to speak to her about what she thinks femininity is first? Of course I don't know her, but it might to be good to explain first that gender doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation, and that you don't specifically plan on having surgery (unless of course you specifically do.)

In terms of wanting to look more feminine to others, do you think changing your hair would help you feel more comfortable in terms of how you present your gender to others?

Maybe, and feel free to totally reject these ideas, as I don't know how you define femminity - get a kilt? Then you can pretend it's a skirt (it is really) without having to say anything to either parent yet?

Maybe switch to wearing colours you feel are more femme - like purple, pink, or yellow, or anything else which seems femme to you?

Thanks to the likes of Jonny Depp - it is more acceptable for everyone to wear eyeliner; no matter what culture defines them as.

Little steps like these might help in gender presentation. Any other ideas?

[ 08-01-2011, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

--------------------
'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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MissSamantha.
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I used to wear Eyeliner, when I was Goth, lol, and it felt good.
And Nail Varnish, lol.
Looks like I'll start doing my hair again, lol.
Kilt? I don't know... lol
Thank you, really, for everything.

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Saffron Raymie
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Hehe you can make a kilt look pretty rock n roll [Big Grin]

Nail varnish is awesome, the Goth scene, the grunge and the punk scenes really did open up a lot of cool gender-whirls.

Happy to help.

--------------------
'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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MissSamantha.
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Thanks again.
Posts: 5 | From: Carterton | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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