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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » I am a girl who wishes to be a boy..

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Author Topic: I am a girl who wishes to be a boy..
ElfenLied
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Since I was a child. I always dressed too tomboy-ish. Loved things that only mainly guys would get into, music, video games, movie wise and such. I never could get into dresses or skirts. And most of the people Ive gone alone with more are guys. I'm just different than most girls.. I really think I might have been born in the wrong body. Ive always wanted to be a boy. Look as a boy, treated like a boy even like as a boy.. Do things guys do. It's not that I like girls because I am straight.. I am just so confused. I like boys but I wanna be one. Right now I love a guy who loves me for my male persona. I am desperate.. but I have not the money and my family are very religious, I can't get their support or they'll hate me. I just can't live a life like this anymore.. No one knows about my secret. I'd be embarrassed to talk to others.. I really want this more than anything to finally be happy.. I want to be a male on the outside too. But I don't know if that dream will ever come true..
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Heather
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Elfen: I'm glad you were able to come here and find an extra place for yourself to be able to talk about your gender and get some support.

It seems like there are a few different questions you have in here, but I want to lead with seeing what we can do to help you get some in-person support. Support services for trans or other gender nonconforming people do not always have a high cost, and sometimes can even have no cost. I hear you when you say you'd feel embarrassed to talk to others, but do you think you'd feel the same way talking to someone who didn't think this was anything to be embarrassed about, and who supported you in your own gender identity no matter what it was?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ElfenLied
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I would love to see people like in my case in person.. But the issue is my family. I can't have them know. I live with them.. and things will be bad for me if I were to come out telling them I want to be a boy. It's just complicated.. that's why I go to sites like these.. I just wish I can have someone near by or something that'll make me a guy..
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Heather
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I understand. I'm so sorry that it's not safe for you to be honest about your gender identity with your folks.

No matter what, transitioning is a process, one that tends to take at least a few years. So, even with a supportive family, we don't yet have a magic wand in which someone can just transition in an instant. Would that we did!

You very well may be able to get some community or some trans-friendly therapy where you are without disclosing to your parents. Do you mind sharing a zip code with me so we can take a look and see what there might be in your area?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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CJT
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I definitely know what it's like to know something about yourself but not be in a place where it seems possible or reasonable to share that with everyone around you. For me that was a really hard time and pretty stressful.

One thing that I noticed is that you wished for something that'll "make you a guy." I think there's good news and bad news for you there. You are who you say you are--there's no one single magic thing that will "make" you anything. We are the experts on ourselves and how we feel, and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. The hard part, though, is when other people don't see or won't acknowledge how we feel on the inside.

There are more and more good resources both online and in communities for people who feel like the gender they were assigned at birth doesn't match who they are. I'm not sure where you're located but one of my favorite websites (aside from Scarleteen, of course!) where you might be able to find more information and community is TransYouth.

Given where you are and what's going on in your life, is there a specific kind of information or support that would be most helpful for you? We're here to help!

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ElfenLied
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my zipcode is 10029.. Thanks for the advice and info. Ive been looking into this a lot so it helps to take to SOMEONE at least..
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bornpurple
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Hi there, ElfenLied. You're definitely not alone. I feel like you on a lot of this. I even mostly like boys but get uncomfortable being treated as a girl when embarking on a romantic relationship. I'd rather be seen as the same as them, as a male.

I'm just curious, how old are you?

Also, is there ANYONE who you could tell in real life? Anyone who's open-minded about queer things and what not? Or who you feel would love and accept you even after they find out your gender feelings?

I have a friend who, after a very long time of keeping it all inside, finally decided to tell his circle of friends in real life, and they were all quite accepting and respectful about it. I have personally come out about my feelings to many of my friends, and all of them have been rather understanding and accepting of it as well. Sometimes it just helps to tell ONE person you trust, you know? Especially if you feel like you're going to burst or hurt yourself or something. Even if it's not a counselor or something, just anyone you could talk to. :]

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Heather
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It's utterly fantastic that you're in NYC. Even though it stinks that your household doesn't feel like a safe source of support for you right now, you are within an easy subway reach of plenty, which a lot of folks do not have. So that, at least, is excellent news.

There's an excellent list of some resources for you, specifically for youth, even, here: http://www.gaycenter.org/youth/resources I'd look into the Ali Forney Day Center, the Hetrick-Martin Institute, the New Neutral Zone and The Door.

The gender identity project is also very pertinent: http://www.gaycenter.org/gip

You can start just by making phone calls to any or all of these resources to make clear what you need and see what they offer. What I'd specifically ask about is trans-friendly counseling and support. All of them will be on board with that, but all of them may not have it at their locations. However, all will likely be able to refer you to local sources where you can get that.

[ 11-15-2010, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ElfenLied
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I am 19 years old. I wish I had someone like that close. Who'd get people like me.. But I don't have a friend like that.. Thank you, I'll look into the links. The center seems pretty close to get to in train.
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Heather
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Given where you are, you should have no trouble getting to these places with public transit. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ElfenLied
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I would have gone to these places sooner.. But it's kinda hard to go out sometimes. My father.. he is a very strict guy and he does bad things.. very bad to me.
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Heather
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Are you being abused at home, Elfen?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ElfenLied
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I can't really say in post to be honest..
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Heather
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That's okay, you don't have to.

Please just know that if that is the case, you can also disclose that to any of these support services you may visit, who are usually also equipped to help with abuse. They can likely also help you look into potentially moving out of your home and connect you with services to help with that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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