This has actually been a big issue for me every time i think about marriage. I would be entirely against the "walk down the aisle" thing because i don't think that I'm something to be "given away". But at the same time I wouldn't want to hurt my dad's feelings.
And, there's no special traditional role for the mother of the bride. And while at average my parent's financial contributions to raising me have been about equal, my mother has provided infinity more emotional support. I think she'd deserve a position of honor much more than he would.
What also bothered me was the about of comments calling the author names, saying she was selfish to exclude her father. And the additional amount of people who said nasty things about feminists. I mean, what are we supposed to do, pin price tags to our foreheads?
Posts: 444 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009
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I think that marriage is one of those really highly loaded events in terms of social and cultural meaning, like big holidays or significant milestones. But more than other events weddings are ESPECIALLY gendered events, and the concept of 'tradition' becomes even more important. weddings are also a highly important point around the regualtion of gender in society, as the struggles around gay marriage demonstrate. I've know people who practice a great degree of gender equality in their lives, but who have specific and 'traditional' ideas about their weddings and marriage.
And weddings are events that a lot of people are heavily invested in, for better or worse (as they say) not just the couple, but also families. And because of this weddings can be a real juggling act of keeping lots of people happy. I think it has to come down to what the people getting married are comfortable with; and should be a negotation of what is important for the invested people, which can be quite hard in the face of all that "tradtion"
I walked down the aisle alone, which felt like the right decision for me. But I also had both my and my husband's parents walk down the aisle too, before the wedding party.
They were both important in the ceremony. Both sets of parents were called up to stand at the altar with us, give their blessings and express their support, and light a candle that represented their family. My husband and I then joined both candles to unite the two families. Later, at the reception, both sets of parents went up to make joint speeches. That way, both sets of parents felt like they were involved and important.
But no one gave me away, because I am my own person.
Posts: 51 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2004
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