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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Children & Gender

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Author Topic: Children & Gender
Member # 42870

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My partner and I are going to be having our baby this month. We know zhe's male by sex, but we want to raise hir to feel free to be male, female, or genderqueer, adopting masculine or feminine traits depending on what zhe likes best.

We haven't been able to find any good material on the subject though. Everything seems geared to adults, or raising transgendered children. I'm really glad there's literature for these audiences, but they're not quite what we're looking for.

We would really appreciate any book or website suggestions on the topic. Thank you so much!

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Adwen: I don't know of any parent book written specifically on only gender issues in parenting, alas.

But I do think it's fairly intuitive stuff, really. If you have that intent, you can probably suss out how to be flexible in your approaches to gender with parenting. But I'd be happy to brainstorm it with you if you liked.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12020

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Parents of intersex kids are encouraged to raise them with a gender, because it has been found that they have better confidence and lack the serious anxiety that plagues people raised without one.

Just reinforce that you love the kid and show that both men and women are valuable and they won't have trouble letting you know if they are TS etc.

Posts: 3 | From: Washington State | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I agree with Griffin, raising them with a gender will not harm your child. But raising them with stereotypical behaviors and expectations from that gender will probably make them less likely to accept something that deviates from the norm, even within themselves. So I would say, raise them as a kid and never make them feel dirty or bad because they were born male. Just slowly let them know about different kinds of people that live as people and what their choices and ways of expressing themselves mean.

Just expose them to different gender expressions so that they know that even if they are male, they can choose to identify themselves however they feel more comfortable with. Just having different kinds of people in their life that are from a differing spectrum of gender roles will be great so that your child doesn't have just a narrow definition of what it means to be a boy. Because even though at home you can raise them to be gender free, they will interact with society and society will label him.

Posts: 28 | From: Mexico | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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