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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » What to do about gender dysphoria

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Author Topic: What to do about gender dysphoria
danielela42
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As I said in a previous post, I feel like I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. A lot of the time I'm ok about this, but sometimes, for days or even weeks on end, I'll obsess over my insecurities, breaking down sobbing in the shower, being unable to leave the house, etc. I feel that I really need to find out what I can do about this. It's not going to go away. Does anyone have any advice?

I told one of my friends about this. She's a very sensitive girl, and she understands how I feel. She suggested we could go to a GLBT coffee house, but I'm not sure how much that'll help. I know there are other people like me, I don't think I'm a freak. I just think my body sucks and there's not much to do about it.

SRS is out of the question! Too expensive, too risky, too imperfect, too time consuming, the list goes on and on. Plus, I'm not even certain I do want to be a girl permanently. I think I do, I really really do, but I haven't felt this strongly for my whole life, whereas many other people know they're the wrong gender from a young age, so maybe this is something different. I just need to find out what it means for me.

I'm hoping I can start exercising more regularly and lose some weight. I'm not obese, but I'm certainly not pretty to look at sans clothing! [Frown] So that's one thing I can change, I hope. If I exercise enough, which I really don't. And I eat too much junk food, sadly. [Frown]

Other things there's just nothing to do about. I'm literally covered in moles. Raised ones, flat one, bumpy ones, smooth ones, light ones, dark ones, cute ones, ugly ones, you name it, I've got it. I had one facial one removed, and I'm glad I did, but whenever I think of getting another prominent one removed, I just think that there's no way I can get them all removed, so why bother? Is 99 really that much different than 100? (That's an understatement, my doctor counted and told me I had OVER 100! [Frown] )

I've considered buying Nair for hair removal. I'd be talking about all over - face, arms, legs, chest. Is that healthy, or not? Also, maybe the hair, as gross as it is, provides some limited cover for the moles. Ugh. I hate this body. There was one time I recall in the past few years when I felt truly beautiful, and that was the one time I tried smoking weed with my friends. Don't worry, I'm not addicted, I did it once and can wait a long while before doing it again, if ever. But it was so amazing, feeling like a little pretty princess for a few minutes.

Sorry for the enormous post. But please don't be intimidated by it. If you have anything to say, even a single word, please post. I really need to know what can be done to fix nature's mistakes.

Posts: 25 | From: Trapped in my own mind | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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It sounds like you might be getting depressed. And this IS a very hard situation to find yourself in. Im sorry that you're feeling so bad about your body.

Any progress in finding a therapist near you? Have you started college yet and looked up any of the counsellors there?

I personally think all therapists should be trans-friendly. But unfortunately not all of them are. I dont think you have much to lose by just trying a therapist who works in a convenient location- if they don't respect and understand you, you dont have to return.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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danielela42
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I'm not at college yet. I'm currently between therapists because my last one didn't get me, particularly related to this topic. Stupid men...

I'm not sure if now is a great time to be searching for one, just to leave in a few weeks and start over again... I'll bring it up with my parents again though.

And yes, I am feeling depressed about the whole mess. I recognize the symptoms. Sitting down in the corner of a shower crying is NOT the usual way to freshen up! [Wink]

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Heather
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(Hey, just a quickie? We're not down with gender stereotyping or insults on the basis of gender here, okay? So, the "stupid men" thing isn't kosher. The gender of your therapist may or may not have influenced his ability to understand you, and being stupid is a pretty equal opportunity enterprise.)

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eryn_smiles
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Where are you going in a few weeks? A fresh start and meeting new people could well help some.

So what do your parents think about what you're going through? Are they supportive?

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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danielela42
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I'm going to Binghamton. I'll be in a suite with 3-5 other guys, which in retrospect might not be such a good idea, if I'm going to be "like this" for a while. But I'll see how it goes.

My dad I haven't told. My mom I have, but I haven't been talking to about it for a while, so maybe she thought I got over it on my own or something. I've just sort of been internalizing it, I guess, and I have had things to distract me from the issue. Like I said, I can go for a while without thinking about it, and then all of a sudden something can make me break down and start obsessing again.

Posts: 25 | From: Trapped in my own mind | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Its not so helpful to internalize it, although it can be tempting, you know. It doesnt solve the underlying problems.

Maybe you could have another talk with your Mom.

About the GLBT coffee house, maybe it would be good to meet some other transgendered people, not just to know that they exist. But to find out how they're coping with feeling like they're in the wrong body. What strategies they use- Im sure not all of them will have had SRS.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Az
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Definitely look for a gay and lesbian center in the area you will be moving to. Ask them for resources regarding transgender issues. Look for support groups, too. The one I go to, for example, is very open to all sorts of identities, and allows people time before the meeting to change beforehand if they are still living "part time."

ALSO! Look to see if your college has resources! There is usually a queer support group in colleges. I didn't take advantage of this myself when I went because I was afraid of my family figuring it out. This could be one of the best networks to find as you branch out: they would have been great to have around when I finally did come out of the closet.

Also, have you begun to crossdress at all? This is a good place to start to "test the waters."

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danielela42
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No... I've considered dressing up, but I've never had the opportunity. Family is always around, and I've got no sister, and my mom is a lot shorter than me. So options quite limited.

I will definitely be joining the GSA at my college. I was in the one in my high school for the latter half of senior year, but I never felt comfortable enough to bring up my own issues, partly because many of the people there I had known in school, but wasn't close with.

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danielela42
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Well, amazing timing! Everyone was out of the house today for several hours. Still are, actually.

I decided to finally give it a shot. Dressing up, I mean. It was...interesting. It didn't fill me with any sense of "yes, this is what I've been missing!" But then again, they were my mom's clothing. And my mom does not do anything remotely "sexy." Or buy anything sexy. I didn't understand what Freud was smoking when he came up with the Oedipus Complex, until I started looking at friends' moms, instead of my own.

But enough of that. It was nice...just kinda weird. And looking in the mirror, the clothing didn't make me look or feel like a girl. Maybe from a distance I looked a bit more like one, but I didn't feel any different. So, I'm still not sure what I want, who I want to be. I just.....wish I could have been born as a girl. I feel it would have sat right with me. As it is, I can't stand my body half the time (Not just being male, but also how I look in particular. I'm ugly. Another thing I have to thank my parents for - shitty genes.), I'm ashamed of my gender and its connotations...it's just a mess. Please advise me... [Frown]

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TSuper
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"There was one time I recall in the past few years when I felt truly beautiful, and that was the one time I tried smoking weed with my friends. Don't worry, I'm not addicted, I did it once and can wait a long while before doing it again, if ever. But it was so amazing, feeling like a little pretty princess for a few minutes."

(sry, couldn't figure out qoute system)

Before I start, I just want to say this. I'm not a huge anti-drug person, but I don't do drugs and I think that sometimes they can lead people down the wrong path or make them think unclearly. I konw you said you're not addicted, and I trust you, so that's not what I'm going to address here. What I do want to address is that YOU DO NOT NEED WEED TO BE A GIRL! Why? Because you already are a girl. Clearly you have the motive and your female mind seems genuine to me. So instead of feeling like you need the drugs to feel like a girl, just access your inner core of emotions and live like a pretty princess whenever you can/want to. YOU ARE THE GIRL; the weed couldn't make you think anything you weren't feeling already. Live like a pretty princess 24/7 if that's who you are. Medical science is amazing, and you can use mankind's gift of technology to bring your body closer to who you really are.

I know I'm being a little redundant, but my main point is: You don't need the drugs to feel like a pretty princess. You can feel that way all the time because that's who you are. And you CAN make your body match your inner self =P

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Its all in the way one looks at the world

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TSuper
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
(Hey, just a quickie? We're not down with gender stereotyping or insults on the basis of gender here, okay? So, the "stupid men" thing isn't kosher. The gender of your therapist may or may not have influenced his ability to understand you, and being stupid is a pretty equal opportunity enterprise.)

(woohoo, figured out qoute system, and sorry for replying to myself, but I just thought of this and the topic is totally different)

Hey Danielela, I just thought I'd share this bit of information. You are probably one of the most informed people on Earth about not following gender stereotypes, right? People's personalities vary a lot, and don't always match their chromosome patterns! In defense of men, specifically male therapists, my therapist is amazing and totally gets me! And guess what? He's a man. So, and I'm not trying to be mean, but can we please be a little less harsh?

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Its all in the way one looks at the world

Posts: 13 | From: Unites States | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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