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Author Topic: Sick of being confused
VisualMadness69
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I'm new here and I joined because this seems to be a forum that would be able to help me in my confusion. I'm so bad at trying to express my thoughts though so hopefully I'm understood. If not ask lots of clarifying questions and I'll answer those as best I can.

I am pretty sure I started feeling the way I do halfway through my high school year. I've wanted to have the body of a guy. When it comes to dressing up I always pick guy characters that I want to do but then I chicken out at the last second and don't do it. I hate breasts and I hate having periods. I hate bras so much that I wish I didn't have to wear them, I'm not that big chested ... somewhere in the B-cup area, and people say I can get away with not wearing one but I'm self-conscious when I don't wear one so I wear those undershirts with the built in bras but those are just as uncomfortable to me. I've thought about getting a shirt or something to bind my chest but I am afraid of how my parents and, silly as it may seem ... people in public, will react. I also don't want to order one and have it not fit cause it's expensive to buy a binder. I've searched around and found a good few sites on binding sites but I don't know which one would be the best to go with. I've tried using ace bandage wraps but they don't get the results I want and I worry about them falling off.

I'm not sure if I would want to go so far as getting a sex change to be a guy, I don't normally think on this topic because I have no one to talk to and I just get annoyed at myself. I'm not sure why mid-way through high school I started thinking this way either. I'm now a few weeks away from being 21 and I've been in college for a few years so this train of thought has been going on for a long time and I'm just sick of being confused and would like some help/advice on what I should do.

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Hey, Visual: welcome. It seems to be gender issue week around here. [Smile]

You know, a lot of colleges have therapy services for students, and more and more are equipped with therapists who are sensitive to/have training in gender dysphoria and gender disconnects, as well as general body image issues. This generation is either dealing with more gender conflicts than those before, or are finding themselves able to voice them more -- it's tough to say which, but we are getting more and more services to address that available.

So, you might want to see if your college has anything to offer here, especially since if it's paid for, that's a real bonus, as therapy can be expensive.

In the meantime, why not express your gender the way you feel best about it? If you want to bind, bind. I don't have gender issues myself, but for various reasons, I've bound before -- to do boys roles in opera in high school, and then when I was training hard in boxing, and sometimes I do it just because I'm large-breasted and prefer the feeling and look of being bound sometimes. You can do it with a tight sports bra, and ace bandages do stay on just fine, it just takes some practice to get the hang on putting it on and getting it clipped (it can help to use safety pins rather than the little metal clips that come with the bandage). Your parents won't like know, and anyone looking on the street probably won't either. This is for you, if it's what you feel best with.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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VisualMadness69
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Hmm...a therapist to talk to about it on campus ... I've never looked into such services before, the one time I saw a therapist in the past on a diff. matter he wasn't very helpful but it's a thought, an idea something to look into.

I was gonna go try the sports bra idea when I had the time to go to the store and if I didn't like it I was going to look at buying a binding shirt. I never thought to use safety pins instead of those clips the wraps come with that's a good idea! I've read that binding that way can be dangerous though?

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Heather
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It's not dangerous. I don't want to get all conspiracy-theory about this, but I honestly think the idea it's dangerous is probably coming from a place of people just wanting to see other people's breasts. [Razz]

Just follow the usual rules with your body: if doing something hurts -- if you find binding causes breast pain, or makes it tough for you to breathe -- loosen it up.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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VisualMadness69
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Oh I see. Thanks for the help. [Smile]
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odd_boi_out
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I've always found binding with ace bandages to be painful and not terribly effective, but I know for some people it works just fine, so you may as well try it out. Tight sports bras can work well - try buying one that's a size or two smaller than what you would normally get. If those ideas don't work out for you and you decide to look for a binder, I'd recommend the tri-top binder from Underworks.
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VisualMadness69
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Lots of people have mentioned that binder from underworks. Thanks for the advice.
Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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