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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » medias portrayal of gender roles in relationship

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Author Topic: medias portrayal of gender roles in relationship
hunnybunny888
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genders are always stereotyped in the media, but alot of them have at least a bit of truth to them (not completely and they are much exaggerated obviously). but lately I've been noticing it most in relationships. Women are portrayed as emotional creatures who are just searching for the right man (even if they think they aren't, when they meet him they will realize this is everyhting theyve wanted and more) they fall in love, are loving and caring like to talk about their emotions etc. etc. i don't need to go on we all know what they are

men are portrayed as lazy, sleezy, selfish. it is much more hurtfull for a man to give up a night with the guys to spend with his girl than for a girl to give up a night with her girls. He has little regard for emotion. when someone who is different from all the others comes into his life he will fall in love, but before that he sees women as only sexual beings and htinks about sex all the time, doesnt want commitment etc etc.

in my personal experience most of the girls i know (especially so me and my few close friends since i know them best) are not very emotional, like to have fun with guys and even if we meet mr. right maybe just keep him as a friend until ready for a relationship, and many guys i know/dated are extremely emotional, fall for me alot harder than i fall for them, are caring, thoughtful, do nice things, etc. etc.

am i just really lucky that i get all these nice sensitive guys?

am i crazy that i don't want it at all.

ill walk all over these guys, theyre loyal, and after a few weeks of romance and consideration, sacrifice and sweetness im bored. give me a bit of a chase. be a bit of "man" I always feel so sexist when I say this (and i hate it because i don't like to think of myself discriminatory) but i don't want my guy to be more emotional than me. since im not very emotional i guess its a bit harder but comeon, i want someone who can help me out of the odd emotional crisis, and that i can support them through theirs, not listen to how great i am every weekend.

as much as a acknowledge boys "have feelings too" and humans in general are very emotional creatures, don't you ever just want an old fashioned kind of guy with a nice hard shell? does noone else love the chase? even when your still in the relationship dont you wanna be guessing for a bit and kept on your toes. knowing hes always gonna come back to me or call me back when i hang up just makes me want to excersize my power.

do i just have different taste that is perfectly fine? or am i bringing women back 50 years??

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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quote:
ill walk all over these guys, theyre loyal, and after a few weeks of romance and consideration, sacrifice and sweetness im bored. give me a bit of a chase. be a bit of "man" I always feel so sexist when I say this (and i hate it because i don't like to think of myself discriminatory) but i don't want my guy to be more emotional than me. since im not very emotional i guess its a bit harder but comeon, i want someone who can help me out of the odd emotional crisis, and that i can support them through theirs, not listen to how great i am every weekend.
Hope I can be frank here.

Ultimately, what a statement like this says to me --and understand that this is not all that abnormal for younger people who are transitioning from parent-child relationships to the relationships of equals -- is that you're just not plain ready for a relationship of real partners.

Real partners care for each OTHER, mutally. One partner being the rescuer or the support or the caretaker, one partner getting to express emotion, and so forth, is a more like a parent-child relationship than one of equals. And yes: that is regressive per women's autonomy: so much of all of that comes from women being infantalized and not thought of as equals, but as poperty which was passed from one man (the father) to another (the husband).

It also regresses men, too, who have had and still have their own set of challenges in terms of learning to be able to be vulnerable, to be expressive, to be considerate and kind to women. Plenty of men who do pay a cultural price for doing so.

Who knows: maybe this is just your age. Really, it is a transition to go from one contstant role to a different one, and one which sometimes takes some time, some life experience, and some maturity (that's not a slam, it's just a statement of fact when it comes to development). Too, I think there's also a propensity amoung some women -- young and old -- to feel like the sort of treatment you're talking about towards men is some sort of protest or liberation (when ultimately, all it is is parroting the same cruddy behaviour men used to use). Often, though, when other aspects of your life start to come into their own, and the only avenue for your personal power isn't sex or romance, people outgrow this. In many ways, so many women ONLY have sex or romance as an avenue for personal power, that these kinds of dynamics end up enabled, and it really isn't healthy for anyone.

In m experience (and bear in mind, I don't just date men), deep relationships always have surprises, and even after years, people you're with will generally always have things about them left for you to discover. The idea that any other person is so simple that I could predict all of their behaviour strikes me as a really silly idea: people are really complex.

I wouldn't say "walking all over" people like garbage is perfectly fine no matter the situation, and no matter who it's done to. And I guess what I'd say is that if you've noticed this is a pattern of yours, then I think the best approach isn't to look for ways to defend it, but ways to grow out of it, for everyone's sake, your own included (and no matter what, you WILL tire of it, I assure you, and then you'll beat yourself up like nobody's business: look to the heterosexual women in their thirties and forties who were like you in their teens or twenties, and now cannot for the life of them stop talking about how there are no "good men" out there and how the ones they found, they stupidly blew off or treated badly).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I should probably add that it's also very developmentally normal to have more superficial ir simple ideas about sex and gender when you're younger: for a lot of people, time, age and more diverse life experiences tend to round those ideas out and bring them to a greater level of complexity (and, that given, make them seem less concrete or easy to disect).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hunnybunny888
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sorry, i think i communicated some of the things i was trying to say badly. I didn't mean to stereotype specific gender roles but only point out that the medias portrayal is very innacurate and leads to high expectancys. it was really irrelevent to the rest of the post except for that I desire some of teh qualities portrayed as male in the media in a mate.
When I said that I walked all over them I don't mean that i took advantage of their emotions for my gain or used them for things. but more that i took advantage of the fact that they had fallen head over heals for me and i could probably get away with alot of things, for example, being able to hang up if im angry knowing they will call me back, knowing they will come to see me or talk to me whenever i want, etc. etc. I would not be in a relationship with someone if I didn't care about them enough to at least respect them enough to treat them with dignity, even if I am not head over heels for them
there is a big difference between being treated well and being smothered with romance. I'm going to post an email forward that was posted on a website. Some of the things on the list are very desirable qualities but many of them describe lust, teen or preteen romance and such.
My Guy, Forever.

Some girls dream of the perfect guy, some girls wish for the perfect guy. Some girls think they have the perfect guy until he breaks their heart, which is why most girls find it hard to read a guy's mind, let alone his heart. But if a guy truly loves you, you will know... because in all your life, you couldn't possibly imagine life without him there in one way or another. You will know this guy is special: don't ever let him get away. So many people don't realize what they have until it's gone, and once it's gone, it's pretty much lost to you for good. Thus, when this special guy comes into your life, charish every moment, because you will definitely know he is special...only special guys do special things...they'll always stick with you "like a handprint on your heart." You deserve to have him!

I'm the guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams.

I'm the guy who will text you and tell you "i love you and you make me smile" just because.

I'm the guy who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are.

I'm the guy who will show up at your games (or competitions or meets) without you knowing just to surprise you.

I'm the guy who will hold you when you're crying and wipe away your tears.

I'm the guy who won't pressure you to do things you dont want to.

I'm the guy who still thinks you're beautiful with no makeup on, wearing sweats and a big t-shirt.

I'm the guy who kisses you on the forehead.

I'm the guy who doesn't kiss and tell.

I'm the guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with.

I'm the guy who'll randomly tickle you just to hear you giggle.

I'm the guy who actually listens to you when you talk.

I'm the guy who's excited all day because i'm looking forward to our date that night.

I'm the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.

I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room.

I'm the guy who'll say i love you first because i'm not afraid to say it.

I'm the guy who's perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.

I'm the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.

I'm the guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.

I'm the guy who doesnt mess with other girls when i have you.

I'm the guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.

I'm the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset.

I'm the guy that makes you laugh when you're down, makes you happy when you're mad, and makes you smile when you're frowning.

I'm the guy that isn't afraid to eat ice cream with you when you're having a bad day.

I'm the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well.

I'm the guy who isn't always trying to act like a hard *** around you.

I'm the guy who WILL STILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND EVEN AFTER WE BREAK UP.

I'm the guy you call when you have no one else to turn to.

I'm the guy that will come pick your drunk *** up at 3 am when I have to be up at 8.

I'm the guy that tells you the right thing to do or how I really feel, not just what you want to hear.

I'm the guy that loves you for you and not what my friends think of you.

I'm the guy that will love you even when you do something so retarded that I normally wouldn't want to be seen with you.

I'm the guy that is always loyal no matter what.

I'M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD "even if I go about it wrong."

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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