So I've had a number of guy friends lately -guys I generally like, who generally are liberal, sensitive men who probably see themselves that way as well, say that they don't like "girls who dress slutty." I imagine part of their reason for this, at least in their heads, is that they are protesting the idea of women as sexual objects. One guy said he thought a woman who dressed up would be prissy and shallow. But I couldn't help being pretty irked by their comments, even when other girls around us weren't. To me it just seems like another manifestation of the madonna/whore complex, or the idea that women shouldn't have control over their own sexuality.
Okay, so I like to dress to show a little skin sometimes. It is sort of my personal statement -I'm no model but I'm okay with the way my body looks. I would be okay with guys doing the same thing. I think judging women on the way they look -whether it be b/c they look too conservative, not conservative enough, like they spent too much time getting ready or not enough, etc., is always demeaning.
It's pretty much demeaning to judge anyone on just how they look- obviously it's what's on the inside that counts. But considering how our main sense is sight, first impressions are a big deal. So, if I see a guy walk into a Circle K wearing no shirt and pants hanging off his butt, I'm gonna assume he didn't care enough to even get dressed and thus he is lazy. He maybe a wonderful person, but that wasn't given off by how he looks.
I don't mind showing some skin. If you're comfortable with your body, show it off. But there's a fine line between wearing a tight shirt and having a thong hanging out of your pants. So girls who dress "slutty" seem to be marketing their bodies- and that's what puts people off. Clothing is a personal choice, and shouldn't be judged on itself alone, but all of us can't help sometimes to go "What was she thinking?" Most of us get past that first impression, but like the guys you talked about, some stay on it and make judgments of character. Is it right? No. We should be able to look past clothes, even if we have a bad initial reaction.
Well, in saying that, your guy friends ARE sexually objectifying women, and not protesting that at all. So.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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some guys don't like it cause they think its a tease if they dress "slutty" but don't put out. or as the others said because it is like marketing your body and they think its disgusting,
Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006
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To be honest, at my school, St Thomas More, I have never heard anyone be called a 'slut' by a classmate. In fact once on a non-uniform day, one girl got sent home to get changed for being 'inappropriately dressed'. The truth is that her form tutor thought she looked like a 'slut'. For the record: there was hardly any skin showing, she was wearing a very short skirt but with opaque tights. (You know the ones that are completely non see-through and come in different colours?) This sparked a huge backlash from both male and female members of our year group. I don't know how universal a trend this is, but in our town it's commonly accepted amongst young people that people will dress as they see fit, and that's fine.
-------------------- “In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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Everyone has their own comfort zone in how much skin they want to show when they're out. If someone else shows more skin or less skin in comparison to you, it doesn't really matter to you. Because their body isn't yours. You only own yourself. So you can't really judge in how less/more they wear.
I love showing some cleavage and very comfortable with my body but that's me. I don't really care if other people show more or less or whatever. I'm only being me. That's what this is about. You need to be yourself, and be as comfortable as you can allow yourself to be. So I basically respect in others in what they wear and i would want the same respect in return, not judgin comments.
If people don't like what you wear and you are being yourself, ignore them and go on life being you.
Personally, I find it very difficult to talk to someone whose chest is falling out of their top. Maybe that's just me... (bad, bad lezzie!) I'm mostly okay with girls who choose to dress a little skimpier since it's their choice to show skin, but I have real issues with girls who dress that way and ACT "slutty". Showing skin may be a sign of security and confidence in one's body, but marketing it through verbal and body language totally puts me off because then I'm thinking "What a shame-- she's probably an intelligent young woman but all she's letting those guys see is that ***... She might respect herself, but they're never going to."
Just my opinion, of course.
-------------------- "You almost look like a... a.... not a woman..." -- Oriental Occultist, The Incredibly Cool Club Posts: 45 | From: a very nice, well-aerated closet | Registered: Aug 2006
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I do think there's nothing sexual about the body necessarily -we do plenty of other things with it than sex. The behavior and situation makes the sexiness. I also think that when conducting non-sex business -bathing, sleeping, sports, school, work -one should be appropriately dressed and comfortable in being so -if they're undressing to catch your attention, by all means stare, but if they mean to take a shower, then overt interest is rude really.
I think it's similarly rude to constantly try to call others attention to one's sexuality in inappropriate settings. You have boobs, great, enjoy it, please take them off my face now. I'm trying to work. And guys, this short skirt is because it's warm. Get that and shut up.
Trying to get attention with sex appeal when it's not called for does give the impression the person has nothing else to impress with, plus being annoying -and contributing to the hypersexualization of society which I personally don't like.
I mean, sex is great, sexiness is great, meh, sluttiness is great if enjoyed. But not knowing the time and the place and calling attention to one's sexuality at every turn -for both guys and girls, and whether it's done by clothing, behavior, comments or whatever, is annoying.
But of course trust the current society to come up with terms like "slut" for both the dressed-for-weather chick and "I can't spell but look at my boobs" irritating chick -and for it to be used by males who try to subject women to the whore image and generally put them down, and the ones who'd genuinely prefer a woman with brains who owns her own sexuality and does what she likes, to ones messed up enough to think that porn-star behavior is expected at all times.
No wonder it all gets so confusing...
-------------------- I don't get even, I get odder Posts: 57 | Registered: Sep 2004
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