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Author Topic: 'Tomboy'
badly_behaved_badger
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Tomboy. What do you think of when you hear that word? I don't like that word but it's become my label. Along with 'bloke', 'man',and 'butch'. Among other things, I wear clothes that aren't stereotypical girls clothes, I like football, and I don't shave my legs. Boys especially have a problem with this. I have yet to find a boy who prefers a 'tomboy' over a more feminine girl. I am happy with myself and I wouldn't change the way I am, but why are some people so against people like me? I was just wondering, is anyone else in this situation? Maybe you could help. *lotsa hugs from da bajjah*
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lemming
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I'm going to transfer this to the forum "Gender Issues," because I think it might fit better there, badger.

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~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate

"Years ago, I was an angry young man/I'd pretend that I was a billboard/Standing tall by the side of the road/I fell in love with the beautiful highway..."-Talking Heads, "(Nothing but) Flowers"


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Dzuunmod
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*Dzuunmod clears his throat*

Well, actually, Lemming, I'm going to transfer this, since it was clearly a task that proved too difficult for you.

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She's a smooth operator/It's all so calculated/She's got a calculator/She's my soft touch typewriter
-Elvis Costello


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Beppie
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Hmm... well, unfortunatly it's not that uncommon for people to react badly when they come across something or someone that challenges society's gender boundaries. It could be that these people just have a lot more growing up to do.

I don't get called a tomboy, but the gender test at The Spark does consistantly tell me that I'm definitely male- while it's just a silly thing, and certainly not scientific, it does use the answers of all previous participants in order to guess your gender. And yet, I feel female, I have no problem being female, and I have no desire to be a male (well, I might like to have a male body for a weekend or something, but not forever ). And I don't feel that this is threatened in any way by the fact that The Spark says I'm male.

While it must be annoying to have your peers try to decide your gender identity for you (only you can do that), the fact is that gender boundaries really are very fluid- and there is no reason that you can't identify as female and dress and behave the way that comes naturally to you.

As for boys liking you... you'll find as you get older that people will be attracted to you for all sorts of reasons- some physical, some not- it's often hard to see this in high school, where the idea of what is attractive is often determined by mainstream ideas that a lot of people haven't gotten around to challenging yet- but the truth is that there are heaps of people out there who will be attracted to you over the course of your life.


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kitty pryde
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Huh. I've always considered myself a bit of a tomboy, and been somewhat proud of it, actually. I've never heard anyone use "tomboy" as an insult. Now - man, bloke, butch, I can see where that might bother you.

I'm with Beppie - some immature people do react badly when they meet someone who can't be easily pigeonholed into their preconceived gender roles - but that reflects badly on them, not on you! I enjoy some things that are stereotypically masculine, some that are stereotypically feminine, some that are neither - and to me, all that shows is how silly the stereotypes are. I'm female, therefore whatever I do is feminine.

And honey, believe me, there ARE guys who completely dig tomboys. Just keep your eyes open for them.


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lemming
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This was posted today on Kuro5hin:
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/4/9/34652/00551

I think it's a nice account of one tomboy's point of view.

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~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate

"Years ago, I was an angry young man/I'd pretend that I was a billboard/Standing tall by the side of the road/I fell in love with the beautiful highway..."-Talking Heads, "(Nothing but) Flowers"


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Echolar
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A girlfriend that likes sports and doesn't spend fifty hours on stupid clothing? What guy wouldn't like that? I'm sure you'll find somebody out there, not every guy likes the cliches.
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badly_behaved_badger
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Thanks Echolar!!!! :^)
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Vinnie Tesla
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Hi, I feel a little like I'm barging in here. I'm an adult (at least chronologically) and a Scarlet Letters fiction contributor. I wandered through here to take a look and I felt like I had to respond to this.

Yes, yes, yes there are men who are specifically into tomboys. There is no look that is sexier to me than a curvy woman with short hair, men's clothes, and a cocky attitude. Girly girls have never really appealed to me. Hooray for the tomboys!


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PoetgirlNY
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Welcome to the boards Vinnie! Adult perspectives are welcome at Scarleteen.

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Limes Are Sublime


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'rin
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there are men who like tomboys, i'm proof. i'm definately not a girlish girl - it takes me 5 min flat to get out of the house in the morning when i'm in a hurry, and there are more gadgets in my purce (a mag light, a wrench based multi tool, a mini-leatherman, a single bladed pocket knife, and a small screwdriver for my glasses) than there is makeup (just one lipstick and a mirror). i wear steel toed boots on a near daily basis and am more likely to buy men's jeans than women's ones...theyre' cheaper and they last longer darnit.
and i've found a guy who loves me for who and what i am, strange gender rolls aside. he actually says he's always prefered tomboys to girlie girls.
it can suck sometimes, especially when you are younger, but you will find someone who appreciates you someday.
good luck!

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<a href="http://www.inhabitcorners.blogspot.com">who is rin</a>


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Milke
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At least I'm not the only one who keeps a multi-tool in her purse (and I have a 486 chip in my jewelry/stuff box -- that might be worse). And hey, that means I've always got a screwdriver so I can fix things, and I know enough to stop a toilet from running, or format a harddrive, set up a stereo, make a posh cake, or stitch button holes. It's not about gender roles so much as being versatile, and versatile people are always good to have around. Any guy who'd reject a girl for being a tomboy is missing out on a lot of good stuff.
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Hotbuttered101
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quote:
Originally posted by kitty pryde:
Huh. I've always considered myself a bit of a tomboy, and been somewhat proud of it, actually. I've never heard anyone use "tomboy" as an insult. Now - man, bloke, butch, I can see where that might bother you.

That's exactly me. I have always been a tomboyish girl. Not so much anymore, but I will always be one at heart. I like the term 'tomboy.' It's endearing. It kind of gives one character.

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'I don't mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public.'-Dennis Rodman, well know basketball player and cross-dresser

'I disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.'-Voltaire, French philosopher


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Fishyfishyfish
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I HATE girly girls (ok, hate is a strong word, but they really bother me.) Every girl that I have ever liked has been a "tomboy". It just drives me crazy when girls go 'where did you get those shoes' and 'can I try your makeup'. It's sikening. i would definately prefer a "tomboy"

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Einstien would turn over in his grave. Not only does god play dice, the dice are loaded.
-Chairman Sheng-Ji Yang
"Looking God in the Eye"


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emsily0
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hey, fishyfishyfish? try and cool it with the "it's sickening, they're sickening" stuff. there are girly girls here too, and they might not like some of the conversation going on in this thread.

:-)

em

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Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk - real straight talk about souls - for life is holy and every moment is precious. I heard the Denver and Rio Grande locamotive howling off in the mountains. I wanted to pursue my star further. -Kerouac


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Moth
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::gives badger a big ole hug::

Hehe, I know JUST where yer coming from. I dress mostly in my dad's old clothes, and what I don't inherit, I tend to buy from the men's section of Salvation Army. I don't shave my legs, and don't wear any sort of makeup, have short hair, and though I'm not into sports, I definitely am not any sort of girly girl. <g>

And just to let you know, there ARE guys who love and accept girls who don't fit the familiar mold. I have a great b/f who loves me hairy legs and all. I always think of it like this: If you bump into a guy who refuses to go out with you because of how you dress (or don't dress!) is that the sort of guy you'd be happy with anyway?

Mm . . . as far as the labels go . . . I've always been called a tomboy, and I'm fond of the logo. I tend to call myself that more than others, even. I've also been called a dyke (a bit weird when I'm mostly straight), and at first that hurt, but then I claimed it as my own, and got rather proud of it. Names DO hurt, no matter what the rhyme says, but you can make them not hurt . . . if that made sense.

Good luck keeping your identity and your pride at the same time. <g> Sometimes it's hard, but hey. It's worth it.


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Apoc-chan
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According to The Spark's test, I am 75% male... Even though I'm a girl! ^.^;

I am, and have always been, proudly a tomboy. My friends never mention it at all. Usually I just say "unsure" as far as orientation is concerned. I wear guys' clothing (knee-length shorts, cargo pants, large t-shirts, etc.) and I'm 100% geek in many ways. If I had the money, I would pack the latest macho gadgetry, but I'm broke, so no luck. I don't do sports, but that is because I am a lazy bum with no life.

The great part of my life is that my friends are totally acceptive of this. They don't even mention it at all, even while they're discussing the rumor about the lesbians making out in the bathroom (the rumor itself worries me slightly). People who call me "sir" don't bug me much, because even when I'm not genderbending with my clothing, I look pretty androgynous, so I can understand the mistake. I've got no chest whatsoever =P

[This message has been edited by Apoc-chan (edited 06-04-2002).]


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momomo
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I LOVE BEING MACHO!!! its so much more fun because u can eat messy and dress messy and all and people are like "oh, its just her, shes like a guy, its ok" ITS GREEEEEAAAT. and then I have sooo many more guy friends and i just become one of the guys and we watch football and baseball and everything. I mean its kinda hard to find good dates as a tomboy but who cares as long as u have good friends. and THEN when you do find a good date, they love you for the tomboy you are and u don't ahve to but on a front or anything and u dont ahve to be all polite and neat and all. mmm sorry I love being me!
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Action Annzy
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Hehehe, look at all the tomboys!!! Me to!! I have always been the girl who had dinosaurs instead of barbie dolls and i was always getting dirty, wrestling and playing footy with the guys and mum never put me in a dress, coz it either ripped when i fell outta a tree of got dirty from rolling in the mud! lol

I'm proud of the tomboy label as well and like momomo I have heaps of guy friends and they're ten times better then my female friends. I can talk to them about anything, I can play footy with them and watch sports and drink and party with them too!

My bf loves me for my tomboy qualities, he loves how he can wrestle with me or play footy with me and i don't complain about my hair being all messy or my finger nail getting broken. So yeh of course guys love tomboyish girls too.

I also get called things such as 'bloke arms' and 'bloke legs' due to them being more muscly then most girls legs, but i don't take offence. I love being a strong person and any one else in this position or with the label tomboy should too.

You should love youself the way you are, it's you, your individual and that's a great thing to be.

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~*':.,¸,ø¤º¤øÄnnzÿø¤º¤ø,¸,.:'*~

*Wake up to your decisions, delusion creates your own submission*

Live more, Be crazy, And regret nothing.


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badly_behaved_badger
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Yeah, I used to be able to join in with the boys and be accepted by them , but now it's just different. They think I'm weird (Ok everyone's weird, but I'm the wrong sort of weird) and they are into touchy feely girls, and if I 'get too close' they just don't want to know

I used to try to get all 'matey' with the boys coz I missed having male friends, but they pushed me away all the time because they said 'no one wants a weirdo hanging around' so I just stopped trying.

You tomboys who are respected by boys are very lucky. But I feel better knowing there are other tomboys out there as well as me! Hey hey, Annzy, I never played with Barbies, either, it was always trolls instead!! Trolls rock!
*Badger*

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People only listen to the words I say - but it's the spaces between the words that give the most away.

[This message has been edited by badly_behaved_badger (edited 07-01-2002).]


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angelicmadrigal
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quote:
Originally posted by badly_behaved_badger:
I am happy with myself and I wouldn't change the way I am, but why are some people so against people like me?


It's great that you're happy with who you are. That's what's really important in your life. So maybe you don't fit in with the "feminine stereotype", if you are confident eventually people will respect you for who you are, not what you look like.
And who's too say football, and other rough sports can't be part of a lady's life? Just because society's pressured people into believing that doesn't mean it's true.

Besides ultimately YOU define what makes you a woman and what doesn't. If you believe you're feminine enough then you are. If you beleive your beautiful, then you are.If you believe it enough other people will too, even the guys.


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chocolateluva
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i think of a girl who prefers to dress not like most girls. i dunno why people have to be so mean abotu appearance, but most guys do go for more feminin girls. dont worry about it, you will find a guy who likes you for you. appearance isnt eveyrthing its whats inside that counts.

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Stuff Happens
Get Over It


The Chocolate Man


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holly8705
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I am a tomboy and there is nothing wrong with it! I don't see how you don't shave your legs, it feels good to have all that hair removed, believe me!!! I like to play football and run with the best of the guys, however I look nice when I am not playing with the guys. I am not you, but maybe you could try try to act like a true girl, just every once in a while. Maybe you could start by shaving your legs!!!
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logic_grrl
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quote:
however I look nice when I am not playing with the guys. I am not you, but maybe you could try try to act like a true girl, just every once in a while. Maybe you could start by shaving your legs!!!

You know, you're making some interesting assumptions here. Does being a "true girl" have to mean acting in a conventionally feminine way? Why should shaving your legs make you more like a "true girl"? And why can't you look nice while playing with the guys?


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holly8705
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Sorry, you took what I said in the wrong way, or maybe I just wrote it wrong. I meant maybe she could try shaving her legs and acting feminine just for once.
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Milke
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Somehow, having hair seems a lot nicer to me than razorburn, and far more feminine. Adult females have body hair, it comes with our developed sexuality. I've tried being both ways, and am a lot happier not shaving.

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Why can't you have your cake and eat it too?
Why believe in things that make it tough on you?
Why scream and cry when you know it's through?
Why fall in love when there's better things to do?


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badly_behaved_badger
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quote:
Originally posted by holly8705:
I meant maybe she could try shaving her legs and acting feminine just for once.

Why does acting 'feminine' have to mean shaving your legs? It's just removing the hair from parts of your body for goodness sake!! I don't understand why I can't be feminine as in a *female* without shaving my legs.

What exactly do you mean by acting feminine? Do you mean acting like a stereotypical girl? (I hate calling people stereotypes, but how else can I put it?) I'm confused - I want to be me and be respected by people, but I keep getting the message that I have to somehow change myself in order to qualify as a 'real' woman.
*Badger*


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Kite
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quote:
Originally posted by logic_grrl:
You know, you're making some interesting assumptions here. Does being a "true girl" have to mean acting in a conventionally feminine way? Why should shaving your legs make you more like a "true girl"? And why can't you look nice while playing with the guys?


logic_grrl, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that I think you rule Thanks for posting, I am glad I can read what you have to say about things.

[Returning you to your normally scheduled thread...]


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sapphirecat
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quote:
Originally posted by holly8705:
I meant maybe she could try shaving her legs and acting feminine just for once.

Acting doesn't make people happy.

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Sapphire Cat
Looks won't tell who's living inside.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty


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badly_behaved_badger
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Good point Sapphirecat!
If I'm not a true girl, does that make me a false girl? That reminds me of something funny!
Jeppetto-"Pinochio, you are a wooden puppet!"
Pinochio-"No papa, I'm a REAL boy."
*Badger*
By the way, thanks to all of you who have posted something in this thread, it's nice to get so many different points of view.


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holly8705
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This is for everyone...especially Badger

I would like to apologize to everyone, especially you, Badger. I realize I was wrong in saying shaving your legs would make you more feminine or what have you. I realize now that it doesn't matter whether you shave your legs or not, and things like that. I would like to thank you all for posting, because it has made me see how wrong I was. And my deepest apoligies to Badger. You should be happy the way you are. If a guy really likes you, he won't care how you look, he will like you for who you are...

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~Holly~

Never frown even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile!!!


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badly_behaved_badger
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That's sweet of you to apologise, Holly. I realise you didn't mean anything nasty in your other posts so no harm was done!
*Badger*


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CupcakePrincess
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Tomboy... gosh that takes me Back to when I was like 6... Heh. I kinda Grew out of that stage... but i kinda didnt. Sure i Dont steal my brothers clothes, and I dont run away scared at the sight Of a skirt... I dont think theres anything More Comfy that A Pair of Jeans and a Big T-shirt. yes i can Fix stuff, I can Live on my Own If nessasary, and I give a Wicked Manicure. heh. So Im a lil Bit of both. And yes, the names suck. ive hear em all Tomboy, lezbian(allthough i dont know whats wrong with that?) Butch, dyke, wannabeboy Its Horrible how People Treat other people...

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When You think your life Is Horrible, ask Me about Mine... It will change your Mind.

~*~*Jen*~*~


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