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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Guys & Crying

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Author Topic: Guys & Crying
CallMeBuffChick
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I was just wondering why alot of guys don't admit to crying? Do they think we're going to think as them as less of man or something?

To me, crying is an emotion that you shouldn't be ashamed of hiding. It doesn't make you any less of a man or more of a man if he cries. It makes him human.

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*I want go back to a time when decision were made by going "enny-meeny-miney-mo"
*I want to go back to a time when mistakes were correceted by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
*I want to go back to a time when money issues were handled by whoever was banker in "Monopoly"
*I want to back to a time when being old was referred to anyone over 20.
*I want to go back to a time when ice cream was considered a basic food group (and STILL is as far as I'm concerned!!!)
*I want to go back to a time when war was a card game.
*I want to go back to a time when water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
All I really needed to know I learned in kindergarten.


Posts: 433 | From: Wichita, Ks | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Honestly, I've been close to an awful lot of men in my life, and in my experience the majority of them haven't had any real trouble being emotionally expressive or stating that they cry when they're upset, no more so than all the women I have known, anyway.

Some of this is just going to depend on the sort of people you ask, how old you are, and what they feel they have to lose by saying as much or by being emotionally expressive.

So again the "alot of guys" comments really mean the "lot of guys" you know or hear about, which honestly, when you're young, and have lived in one place for a long time, and your sociall exchanges are limited to school or your own community, is a REALLY small sample.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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unhappykoger
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ive seen my husband cry and a few other guys. so not all of them are like that.

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frozendream1026@aol.com

http://www.angelfire.com/oh2/koger


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ThisGuy
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I cry on occasion.
I try not to do it too much, or in public...but its been known to happen.

I see it as the safety release that keeps me from snapping and killing a busload of nuns!

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- Bitter and twisted?


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lilnerd
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I agree, Buffchick... it just depends to what level you take it.

My guy friends all constantly rag on one another. They know it's all in good fun, but occasionally they will push eachother's buttons too far. One of them always gets very upset, and often cries...and then it turns into the whole "Grow Up, You're in High School" charade. Anyway, I guess that's another example of guys who DO cry. Even though I'm sure he'd prefer not to let it get to him. Personally, by the amount of time that group spends ragging on one another, I think he should find a new crowd to hang out with!

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"it's like being hit in the head repeatedly with a sock full of quarter's" ~~Daria~~


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~You*Know*Who~
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I personaly think its sexy when a guy crys...
don't ask me why...but it just is. It is a major turn on for me. I am a sucker for guys that cry.

I've seen 1 guy cry and that is my brother.

As for me, I don't like to cry in front of people...but if I do, it really dosen't bother me. But I am a girl and I think girls are raised to be more emotional then guys are.


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alaska
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Well, I agree with Miz S here... I would say that of the men (my partner, my family members, my male friends) in my life at the moment, neither the crying nor the non-crying group is prevalent. - It's very much like with my female friends. Some people cry openly, some don't.

However, in the past I've indeed come across quite a few guys who apparently grew up being told that crying "wasn't something a guy should do" (definitely not outstanding parenting), and they really hadn't cried in ages, because it simply wasn't their way of coping, reacting to or dealing with pain or hurt.
One of my former partners went for runs when he was hurt (extreme runs, 2 hours or what, no matter whether it was in the middle of the night or not) - and I bet he would still cry during those.

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"I am capable of, but sometimes not interested in making myself happy."


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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Not much crying seen in this part of the world.

We even have a saying.

"Men shed blood, not tears."

It's kind of built into alot of guys by their dads, their friends etc so what you get is alot of guys who have no idea how to release their frustration and sadness.

I have seen my guy cry but that's because I made him cry. Heh. Not very nice I know.

But other than that, I don't remember seeing any guy above the age of 10 cry.

Oh wait, my brother. But he is in a category all by himself.


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alaska
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quote:
Originally posted by Lin:
"Men shed blood, not tears."

Woah, that's a hefty statement. Over here the slogan is (the PC version) "a native american knows no pain". Don't ask me where that comes from....maybe from those stupi Karl May Wild West stories, who knows.


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FlirtieGirlie
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Guys are people. People cry. It's part of life, I don't really get why they try to hold it in. I don't think of guy as any less "manly" if he cries.

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Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseats cause kids! (So be careful!) Luvs to Jeremy! Email me at Ladybug705@yahoo.com


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Lucky1402
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I agree- crying is a good emotion to show. I don't know many guys who cry though (at least not around people anyway). Actually only one comes to mind- my friend's boyfriend is an over-cryer. *hehe* Interesting word. But crying too much actually can be a turn off. He cries about absolutely everything. When my friend had the flu he was all out balling in art class- we had to avoid the subject all week when we were around him.

But I think it wouldn't hurt if guys did cry a little more. It would be refreshing to see that.

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*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."


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emsily0
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i don't see guys cry much...sometimes, but not often. i don't know that that's the same as them not admitting to it, though. i don't know many girls who go around shouting "i cry a lot!" either.

i have seen my boyfriend cry, though. twice. he's the only guy i've seen cry recently. i made him, though, and i felt horrible.

em


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glitter695
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My boyfriend and I cry together sometimes. When I get depressed and start crying and start to question things, my boyfriend gets sad like I do and he starts to cry and hes like dont cry I love you I love you. And when things just get bottled up inside him and it finally comes out he will cry.

I think that its wonderful that he crys in front of me, it shows how deep our relationship really is. Now he doesnt cry like us girls where every noise comes out of us and stuff, its just like tears falling down his face, his face wont crinkle or move just tears fall. I do think that its a wonderful thing.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


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Shadow Stalker
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I have a really hard time crying. I think it's because I see crying deep down as a sign of weakness.

To show a true weakness opens the possibility that an opponent can exploit this to their advantage and to your disadvantage. When you are at a disadvantage, you are forced to do what your opponent with the advantage wants... Therefore meaning that by showing true weakness to opponents, means you cannot do what you want.

[This message has been edited by Shadow Stalker (edited 03-01-2001).]


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daisygirl
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boys cry... and i'm glad that my guy is okay with crying in front of me... we talked about it once... and he said it didn't feel weird to cry in front of me. and that made me happy. 'cause we talk about everything (like seriously... everything) and it makes me feel really close to him that we can cry and not be ashamed of it. i think its the whole crying in public thing that they don't want... but then again, i wouldn't like to cry in public either. it just leaves you completely vulnerable to complete strangers, i think.

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i'm gonna clear my head, i'm gonna drink that sun. i'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young.
--indigo girls


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loveable me
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I have never been able to cry in front of a man. I learned it from a very young age from my father and my mother and to an extent my culture.
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~You*Know*Who~
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I know of a few guys that have cryed but the only guy I've actually seen cry is my brother...

I just thought I'de add that.


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~KandyKiss69~
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It is VERY common that guys here cry. Well, if they do, they do it privately and make sure no one finds out about it! They would get ragged on by their friends.... All the guys here have to be all macho.

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Shine, make em wonder whatcha got!-Newsboys
(((Kristine)))


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glitter695
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Thats so funny KandyKiss, its just wierd that guys have to be "Macho." I always thought guys were more "Macho" if they cry, and let their feelings out. I think its wonderful. I'm glad my boyfriend doesnt think he has to act macho around me. Your right thou, you dont see as many guys cry in public as you do girlies. Were just big ol' babys.

Now the person your not supposed to see cry is your daddy-o. I've seen him cry, and its terrible.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


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antonio99
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yes guys do have to get macho when it comes to crying.

ok... let's say the stereotypo thing for a guy to cry is percieved as childish and immature.

I don't cry in front of people I know coz I don't want to and I hide it. Truth is, we want to feel masculine. It's a way of being A MAN but in other words, if you say human, that's another way of saying men and women are alike coz they both cry.

Women are more emotional than men so they cry a lot.

The way I think of it is like this: if a girl sees me cry... she'll think i'm some total wimp... So I try not to show that feeling and act like it's just a part of growing up.

peace,

antonio99


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FlirtieGirlie
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If I saw a guy crying, I wouldn't think he was a total wimp antonio, and I doubt a lot of women would. We are all people, and people cry, it's a fact of life. My first reaction to anyone crying, regardless of their sex, would be to try and comfort them. Whether you're a guy or girl, sometimes, you just need a good cry. (ps- crying is an EXCELLENT stress reliever, try it!)

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Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseats cause kids! (So be careful!) Luvs to Jeremy! Email me at FlirtieGirlie7@yahoo.com


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~You*Know*Who~
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Yesterday in class one of the most smart-*** preppiest " i am a tough guy" guys started crying in the middle of class. It was dark because we were watching a movie so he just went in the back room and nobody noticed. The only reason I know is because I needed something signed and I stayed after and he walked out and his face was red and damp.

See, all guys cry, even the "tough" guys. Plus, its really SEXY! (to me personally)


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antonio99
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ok... ok... you got me. I cried. I'll admit it. I have cried during times when I watched drama movies or when I was feeling down.

I know I know... it's the sensitivity. If crying makes a guy look sexy, can someone please clarify that. I don't quite understand. Well, if I saw a girl cry, I would hug her and cheer her up. It makes me feel like I'm helping out.

antonio99


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