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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » Are we unreasonably paranoid?

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Author Topic: Are we unreasonably paranoid?
Member # 108877

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My girlfriend and I have been having sex for months now. The methods we use are a conjunction of condom use and withdrawal method. I know how to effectively use a condom and have never failed to withdraw -the condom just serves as a safeguard.

Her period was recently late. Despite our precautions, we still felt that we were "that" unlucky couple who got pregnant. Soon enough, her period came about 2 weeks later. Although we are relieved, the stress that was induced by this paranoid thought just simply wasn't fun.

Are we being unreasonably paranoid in worrying that she might become pregnant every time her period is late despite our deliberate efforts? I'd imagine using condoms in conjunction with the withdrawal method is an effective strategy. My main concern would be pre-ejaculatory fluid, but I make sure I urinate before having sexual contact with my girlfriend. Even then, I would only masturbate the night before. The sperm should have been flushed out many times during the course of the next day by urination, so there "should" be virtually no chance of her getting pregnant. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Because her parents aren't permissive of her dating at all, my girlfriend feels getting birth control would be risky. She can be forgetful and may forget to take a pill, and secondly, if her parents found the pills, it would make for an awkward conversation at the very least.

We used to base our sexual activity around a rough estimate of her time of ovulation. We wouldn't have sex within a week of her expected ovulation, and when she did have it, we'd still wait a few days after just to be absolutely certain she isn't fertile for that cycle anymore. I now realize that predicting ovulation is by no means reliable.

I've read the links and articles that are frequently posted in response to many other topics here. While they were helpful, I'm just looking for a personalized response from people who are well versed on the subject.

In sum, we're just afraid of having sex. Is this reasonable under our circumstances?

Posts: 1 | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 79774

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Hi, MrCurious, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm not sure that asking about "reasonableness" is a helpful lens for you here. Clearly, it's very important to both you and your girlfriend that she doesn't get pregnant. Everyone has the right to feel however they feel about any possibility of pregnancy.

If you and she are afraid of having sex, and experiencing real worry so often, then we'd suggest making some changes so that you're not feeling that way any more. What changes are the right ones for you and she will depend on both of your personal feelings, needs and situation.

When you're using condoms, you should be using them for any and all genital-to-genital contact. If you've been doing that, then pre-ejaculate isn't a particular issue, because it would all be contained in the condom anyway. If you haven't been doing that, then we strongly suggest that you do, as correct condom usage is necessary for them to be an effective method of contraception. If you need any information on correct condom usage, we'll be happy to fill you in.

Your girlfriend does have other options for birth control, if she wants to consider them. There are long-acting methods that are inserted by a professional into the body once, and they leave no trace - like pill packets - and are pretty much goof-proof. Eliminating user error means that contraception is more effective in practice and can be very comforting to people who are worried about pregnancy. Combined with condoms, for example, the possibility of pregnancy is very tiny. If your girlfriend would like more information, we have lots here: Birth Control Bingo! Given your girlfriend's concerns about pregnancy, her ability to take pills regularly and about evidence being found, methods that she may be interested in are the Contraceptive Implant (Implanon) ,Depo-Provera (The Shot) and Intrauterine Devices (IUD, IUC or IUS) , but she should look at the first overall information to decide for herself.

The other thing for you and your girlfriend to consider is whether you can feel ok about a tiny risk of pregnancy. If it feels completely out of the question for either of you, we'd suggest that not engaging in any kind of sex that can create a pregnancy is an option for you.

The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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