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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » Birth control question?

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Author Topic: Birth control question?
Lola2010
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Hi basically I've been with my boyfriend for a good few years I really get worried about becoming pregnant so I really want to be as safe as possible. So I have no stress after sexual activities. Basically I wanted to ask a few questions [Smile]

I'm 17 and I would really like to go on a form of birth control, but I don't know how to talk to my mum about it. I know I can't get It without her permission but i feel that I'd be going behind her back. I was wondering if you have any idea or ways I can maybe talk to her about it.

Secondly if I double up on contraceptives like condom and pills ( providing I take the pill properly ) how low would the risk of pregnancy be.

Also for now as I'm not on birth control I want to do things with y boyfriend but worry about the condom spitting if we have gential contact but with a condom no penetration would the chances be low of pregnancy in this case.

Sorry for all the questions I've been worried before so before I do anything again I want to know the risks and so forth or what is the failure rate so I can stay safe while being sexual

Thankyou [Smile]

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Lola,

Those are all pretty good questions. I can answer them but in your previous thread you said you weren't feeling ready for sex, so I'm a bit worried your boyfriend has pressured you into it.

Actually at 17 you're above the age of consent, which means you can choose to start birth control without permission from anyone. However of course you might feel a bit more supported if you're mum knew about it it and more able to avoid the possible bad outcomes if you didn't talk about it and she found out. But technically speaking you can get hold of it on your own, and if that's something that would work out best for you, you can do it.

We actually have an article on using more than one BC method. And the answer is basically just really really low.
We list the efficacy as 99.99% per year. http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_s

I don't know what the probability would be of getting pregnant that way, but it'd be almost impossible because the condom would NEED to split for the sperm to get out. And penetration is usually the thing to cause that.

All of that said... it does sound like you guys are in a very different place from each-other, as Robin has said, and it may be that pursuing sex when you don't really want it won't work out for you at all.

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Lola2010
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Hey it's not him that's pressured me into anything, lately I've been freaking out of the most littlest things about becoming pregnant and that's because before I haven't been so safe an Ive built up some huge fear of becoming pregnant. So I thought if I knew the risks and found out about different birth controls and using two methods maybe I can relax a little more instead of living with anxiety after doing sexual things.

I would prefer my mum knowing just incase she found the pills and it would probley look a lot worse of my behalf hiding it, I want her to see that I am growing up and I'm tryin to be safe, and I'm trying to do the right things. And I thought maybe if I approach her maturely and talk to her about it maybe she would be ok with it. I'm just worried shell be mad and it was cause problems at home of it'll make everything different but I'm 18 in a few months time but to me it's like she still sees me as a child.

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Robin Lee
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Hi Lola,

do you feel like the only thing holding you back from more sexual activity is the fear of pregnancy?

Do you think that having birth control would make those fears go away? I ask that because fear sometimes has a mind of its own, and doesn't just go away quickly the way, for example, light goes away if you flip off the light switch.

Would you like some help figuring out how to talk to your Mom? What sorts of bad things do you think could happen if she didn't take it well that you were on birth control?

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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Also, here is information about different birth control options. Do you have a healthcare provider you could make an appointment with to discuss which options would be right for you?
Birth Control Bingo!

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Robin

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I see where you're coming from.

I guess what we're talking about there is a bit of a risk, I suppose if she gets mad, at least you know that there is a level of support that you just don't have from her... it probably wouldn't be as bad as her finding out after you've already started birth control.

I feel like unless you're in danger then it can often be best to ask a parent, especially if they're someone we're scared won't support us. At that can make it much easier to make more decisions.

It also could be good to be honest about why you're asking to start a form of birth control, and to find out more information about safer sex: it's because you want to be more responsible and to feel less scared about sex and that it is a part of you actually taking some initiative to look after yourself as an adult. Not simply wanting to take risks.

Whether that would work, depends a bit on what you know about your mum, but I certainly think it'd improve the conversation to be as honest as you can be about your motivations and what have you.

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Lola2010
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The main fear of doing things with my boyfriend is simply the fear of pregnancy I agree that it probably wouldn't go away over night but I do feel being more safer and knowing the risks would be a great start.

The main thing I feel it will chance as home is the way they look as me, I don't want them to think of me in a bad way that I'm young and I want to have sex because that honestly isn't the case. I want to be prepared for when that does happen as I don't want all the fear and anxiety after. I just feel if I talk to her she's not going to understand. I'm not planning on having sex right now as i do agree my anxiety of pregnancy is at it's highest. But I do feel comfortable in doing more oral things, as you see from my previous question I got paranoid but robin calmed my fears again I got scared from reasearching on unrealaible sources.

That's generally why I asked earlier about using condoms and gential contact as I feel I be comfortable I'd feel as if the chance of pregnancy would be really low as again my boyfriend knows that I don't them him ejauclated near me so I know the risk would be low.. But just incase someday I do want to involve in actual interfourse with him I want to be safe injust would really like my mums support and her knowing so I wouldn't feel so guilty about going behind her back [Smile]

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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So maybe now it's just up to you...

I think what you've written here is a really good description of how you're feeling, even your worries about how she might react and what she might think. It can be best to voice those thoughts to her... another option is writing down all these thoughts and either give it to her before you have your conversation to make sure you don't miss anything or to use it to rehearse the conversation before you have it.

It sounds like her support is really important to you, so to me that seems to make it equally important that you find out from her if you actually have that support or not.

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Lola2010
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Its jus I have quite a close relationship with her and I feel telling her seems more mature than hiding it as if I tell her she can't help me out a little as she was on the pill herself [Smile] plus it saves me hiding them as that looks a lot worse like I'm really up to something.

Thankyou for your advice it is really helpful, and when I feel ready to approach her I'm going to make sure I don't miss anything else and tell her exactly why i want to go on it and whether she's ok with that or not [Smile] I'm hoping where we are so close and I haven't gone behind her back shell be happy I'm being mature and being safe, besides as I said I'm 18 in a few months time so I'm turning into a young adult so maybe she'll be able to accept it a little more.

Again thank your for you advice and the links to birth control on your site it was really helpful [Smile]

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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No worries Lola, I'm glad we could help, come back any time.
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