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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » Proof of a Vasectomy

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Author Topic: Proof of a Vasectomy
Meggsy
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Member # 104252

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I am having an affair with an older man and enjoying the change for a while while my FWB are overseas for a year. He claims he loves me but I dont believe him and believe all he wants is the sex, fun and a younger woman to prove something or other. His friends (older than me too) have told me he is "using" me. I like him but am not "attracted" to him. For me its his money, the clothes and the social life I am enjoying and probably I am "using" him for those reasons.
He says I can stop using oral contraception because he has had a vasectomy and cant father children. I dont trust him and believe it may be a ruse to get me pregnant and marry a younger woman. There is no way I want either.
I have asked him to show me some evidence as he still ejaculates (which I believe is normal). I have looked and I cant see any scar.He says it was a long time ago and the scar is now invisible and I should trust him. (NO WAY)
Can I have a sample taken from me after sex and have it analysised to see if there is sperm in his semen or have some other test without him knowing.
The other answer would be to end the relationship - and I will sooner or later..... after "I" have had my fun.

Posts: 37 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Meggsy,

No, there is no test that any doctor or healthcare provider can do that wouldn't involve the person you're currently dating. After a vasectomy, the semen (yes, people still ejaculate after a vasectomy) is tested to see if it still contains sperm. This test requires the person who had the vasectomy to give a semen sample.

I'm hearing you say you don't trust this guy. This raises red flags for me for your emotional and physical health.

You've asked us about pregnancy, but have not mentioned STIs (sexually transmitted infections). STI transmission is just as much of a risk as pregnancy, and it sounds like you're not using safer sex practices such as using condoms for all genital contact.

I would strongly suggest that you start using condoms (as well as get yourself tested for STIs) or end the relationship. Again, I hear you not expressing a lot of trust for this person, which makes me think that you haven't discussed things like STI testing, and that you wouldn't be able to trust any information that you did receive from him about his STI status. In fact, even if you do end the relationship, I still advise you get yourself tested for STIs.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Meggsy
Neophyte
Member # 104252

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Thanks but I dont think he would appreciate me asking for a semen sample or that he use a condom. He is not that type of man. He is twice my age and treats me nicely, socially and in bed and certainly not a candidate for a serious romance.
I feel fairly safe sexually with him as I believe I am his first partner since his(ex?)wife. I am a little confused as to why he has asked me to discontinue the pill but so far has not become insistent. Is it a matter of trust or???? - hence my question re testing his semen.
I was tested for STI some months ago as part of my annual check up and I am aware of some of the symptoms. The doc also insisted on a pap smear and that was clear as well.
I am using him (financially), as he is using me, (sexually)and I believe it wont take long for him to get bored with me. Then it will be over and I wont be upset. I will have had my fun and my wardrobe will be full.
Yes I am naughty, but its nice - for the time being.
I appreciate your interest and concern. thank you.

Posts: 37 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Meggsy,

None of us could possibly tell you why this man wants you to stop taking oral contraceptives. however, you get to decide whether you take them or not.

Many STIs do not show noticeable symptoms for many months, and by the time they do, the symptoms are usually quite serious.

here is information on STIs.
STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I want to add that I'd ask you to perhaps take a moment and recognize that where you seem to express that your motives, right from the start, in this relationship are to exploit and manipulate this person for your own desires, you can expect, just from your own actions and behaviors alone, this relationship is going to be exploitive.

So, for sure, he also being less than a magnificent person with you, and having the aim of potentially manipulating or exploiting you? Seems pretty darn likely, and it's hardly be surprising, since this is the tenor of the relationship you yourself are setting and saying you'd like to enable for yourself.

Ultimately, I feel it is outside our scope, and certainly counter to our core values as an organization to counsel you around this at all, given our emphasis on healthy relationships. As well, given that another part of our ethics here involve respect for people's bodily autonomy and boundaries, even if it were possible, we'd not be in support of anyone seeking to evaluate someone's fertility without their express permission.

So, I'm going to close this thread and ask we end this conversation.

[ 09-01-2013, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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