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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » Why do some guys refuse to use condoms?

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Author Topic: Why do some guys refuse to use condoms?
bluejumprope
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This is probably a topic that's already been discussed a whole lot in the world and maybe on ST (I searched but couldn't find anything), but I'm a little baffled by it, and I'd love to hear all your thoughts.

Why do some men refuse to wear condoms?

I'm most curious about this phenomenon with men who have intercourse with women. The rationales for not practicing safer same-sex sex or hetero-sex that doesn't pose a pregnancy risk make more sense to me, though I'm interested in people's thoughts about that too.

What I'm particularly interested in is why these guys evidently don't care very much about creating a pregnancy. Is it a lack of understanding of how pregnancy works? Can they completely not empathize with what it's like to be pregnant? The older guys Heather wrote about in Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend --what are they thinking?

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Jill2000Plus
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I don't know why, perhaps they view it as unmasculine (gender roles are a load of bull) or they think it will feel less good and don't care about their female partners enough to put up with the possible reduction in sensation, or they think their female partners are somehow rejecting them by not wanting to mingle with their precious homunculi (whoops, maybe that sounded a little snarky! Also, I know that they aren't actually homunculi, I was being sarcastic). Even if there isn't a pregnancy risk or an STI risk, one should still, generally, not be disliked for one's desire to wear some barrier method while having sex, unless it is clearly evident that this stems from a view that all bodily fluid are shameful.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I've seen and heard a wide variety of reasons and rationales for this, both from men and from the partners of those men. Here are a hodgepodge of them:

• Lack of comfort/ reduced sensation with condoms
• A female partner "proving" she'll take risks to be with that male partner
• A powerplay/control/abuse
• The desire TO procreate when a female partner doesn't want to
• The perception that a request for condoms means a lack of trust
• Sheer laziness or simply resenting having to do one's part with safer sex or birth control
• Indeed, not understanding how real a pregnancy risk is or lack of empathy for the one at risk

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jill2000Plus
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As Heather said, a lot of men like the power that they have over a women who they can convince to take that risk.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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uberfeminista
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In my case, it was always that condoms kind of "numbed" him. I'm not sure why...
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mru
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bottom line, there is only ONE reason a guy doesn't want to use a condom! it reduces sensation not a little but a lot! depending on the condom, 50-80% at least. There are female condoms that the woman puts on. I think I'll have those instead. Personally, I lose interest in a a woman if there is a prospect of long-term condom usage. I'd rather masturbate than have sex with a condom.
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Heather
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mru: where are you getting those statistics from? I've never seen anything that put statistics like that forth, and quite a lot that makes clear the change in sensation is nothing even close to that level, and I'm not just talking about in a personal life or casual conversation.

For instance, in this study of college-aged men using condoms, only 1/3 reported discomfort or any loss of sensation.

As well, it might help to know that some of us with clitorises (which have more nerve endings than penises, so sensation differences can be felt more acutely) have had the experience of using latex barriers over them, and often find claims like you're making pretty outer-limits, that given. Same goes for those of us who use latex gloves. With an 80% reduction in sensation, I'm not sure how I'd feel my fingers at all. That's one thing with sex, but surgeons use latex gloves, so if they reduce sensation by 50-80%, that'd be awfully dangerous for a patient whose brain they were supposed to cut into, don't you think?

(Same goes for how many men report they didn't feel it when a condom slipped off or borke. With something like an 80% reduction in sensation, when a condom slips off, there'd be no way to miss that, right?)

Most studies on men and condom use show that the biggest barrier to enjoying sex with condoms and NOT experiencing any major differences in sensation are actually about attitudes towards condoms. In other words, men with positive attitudes in studies tend to report condom use with sex being no big deal, while those with negative attitudes tend to be the ones saying they feel a big difference.

For yourself, also, do you know how to use condoms to increase sensation with them, and how to choose types which don't decrease sensation much, if at all? Of course, female condoms are absolutely another option. And if you find those work better for you, your issue may be with latex, rather than male condoms. Female condoms are non-latex, which tend to conduct heat better. So, people who find that, for them, temperature is something they feel acutely may simply want to choose non-latex condoms, be they male or female condoms.

Perhaps one more thing to know, for yourself as a much-older man than our site tends to serve, is that more often than not, younger men have been found to have better attitudes about and experiences with condom use than older men.

[ 07-18-2011, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jill2000Plus
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My boyfriend loves using condoms, he says they feel really good, we always put lube inside the condom (which you're supposed to do) and I think that helps them feel better.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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Yakri
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To be brief.

I imagine it's partly the same as some people just not liking eggs, or say, chocolate.

Some people probably just can't stand them.

In other cases they are likely stupid, ignorant, or gullible.

[ 07-20-2011, 06:46 AM: Message edited by: Yakri ]

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Chin up and face the future, wonders beyond your wildest dreams await us!

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