Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex in Media: Books, Magazines, Films, TV & More » An odd article I found recently...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: An odd article I found recently...
Member # 44734

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Animica     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Recently, I stumbled upon this article, and after reading it, I was appalled. According to the author, it's almost impossible --if not completely impossible-- for (I assume heterosexual) men to be monogamous, and that all men want is sex. To me, that sounds like a lie, and like she's overgeneralizing. She says that a "normal man and a normal woman who have decided on lifetime sexual exclusivity [could] face chances of divorce and a very high chance of cheating." And I suppose that 'normal' means someone averagely attractive, with 'average' libido (whatever that means), and 'average' everything...a person I doubt exists.

What's more, here's what she suggested women to do when trying to handle a partner's affair:
If [you find your man is cheating] and you can harness your jealousy, arrange to meet the woman — you might be able to work together to make your man the happiest guy in the world. What a wonderful thing to do for someone you love.
I can't understand what went through her mind when she said this. It's like women have to resign and accept that their partners (if male) will cheat, and that an affair is something they'll just have to deal with.

This article is basically about heterosexual, monogamous relationships, but, regardless of gender, sexual identity, or preferred relationship model, I think many people will be able to appreciate how odd and somewhat degrading this article is to anyone.

Sorry for the rant. [Wink]

What are your opinions on this?

[ 08-09-2010, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: Animica ]

Posts: 132 | From: La La Land | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The worst bit is probably:

"Don't let yourself go — there is nothing less valued than a commodity that no one else wants."

Well, I've sure learned my lesson, I'll never think that a guy is capable of loving me for my personality instead of my looks again!

Does she actually believe that women don't fantasize about other people or look at porn when they are in monogamous relationships?

I don't consider monogamy a requirement in relationships but the notion that men are incapable of not cheating is nonsense. Plus, porn is not cheating.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have to confess: I read this post, looked at the link, and all I could do was stutter.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47754

Icon 1 posted      Profile for yeahgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
To me, that's pretty ridiculous. You can't generarlize and say that ALL men are going to cheat, whether it's physically/mentally or emotionally.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating (both by a man or woman) can occur for a number of reasons, not just because their partner has "let themselves go" or because men have a inherant need to have sex with multiple people.

Also, that article doesn't take into consideration that certain things that a person does, may not be considered "cheating" to their partner. Like porn for example, not everyone considered watching porn a form of cheating. Just like all people in a monogamous relationship aren't necessarily going to get upset if they see their partner admiring someone else.

But at the same time, I don't like that they are basically telling women to "get used to the idea of being disrespected". It's encouraging women to stay in unhealthy relationships which is never a good thing. Plus it makes it seem like women are not "sexual creatures" and only men are. In other words, men are allowed to be sexual and "give in" to their sexual desires. Whereas women (who are/can be just if not more sexual than men)either aren't allowed to do the same, or just don't, because we are ALL built that way.

Sorry for the rant, and I know i'm sure i've repeated a few things that people already posted lol, but that article got to me a little and hits somewhat close to home. Thanks for posting it though!

Posts: 30 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Devanie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
"I would say 100 percent of men cannot be mentally monogamous, in that they are biologically programmed to assess the sexual attractiveness of every single woman they see. "

... Just a thought. Women are programmed to assess the sexual attractiveness of potential partners too... It's not male exclusive.

And the whole thing about a high-sexed woman vs a normal-sexed woman dealio... People's sex drive changes, it's not like it's a solid thing.

Also, as per the whole thing about how sexual exclusive monogamous couples will always get divorced... I'm pretty darn sure my parents are exclusive, and they haven't gotten divorced. Same goes for FigNewton's parents.

People thinking this way is just going to allow cheating partners to continue to cheat because it's "biological"... And this goes along the same branch of thought that men can't control themselves, thereby making rape more acceptable. And that if you do anything sexual to your male partner, you'll deserve it if he takes advantage of you...

Okay, a little bit of a stretch, but I'm just saying that stuff like this leads to thoughts like that.

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 44734

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Animica     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Certainly, the article is ridiculous; I'm glad you all agree. In a gist: 'Men will always cheat. It's an inevitable eventuality, because all they want is sex. It's their nature, so deal with it.' Is there a bigger lie than that one? It's just wrong on so many levels.
Posts: 132 | From: La La Land | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 48252

Icon 1 posted      Profile for AponiKanti     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
this article was written by a woman? I actually know guys who would be vastly infuriated and insulted by this article! Like, seriously, if I just sent this article to all the males on my facebook friends list I would get a slew of upset responses. What sort of woman is she that she really is supporting the idea that men can't control themselves and that all they're after is sex? and only with "attractive" women? doesn't she know that's a relative term anyway?

seriously, I'm a great example of why she's wrong. Not trying to be full of myself, but seriously. If boys were only after sex, my boyfriend would've broken up with me a while ago since I didn't let him kiss me at all for the first three months of our relationship. I'm overweight too and I know what two of his previous girlfriend's looked like. This article is total bs and is disgustingly insulting to men. It does them no service, stealing the trust that women should be able to have in them. Stealing the trust that they should be able to have in themselves.

It promotes cheating, which is completely disgraceful. If you want an open relationship, talk to your partner, if you don't want your partner anymore, break up. It's really that simple. If anything is going on in your relationship that would make you consider cheating, communicate! If you're just that unable or unwilling to control yourself, don't get into a monogamous relationship.

It certainly does no service to women, what are we supposed to do if people tell us that our men are born to cheat? How are we supposed to have faith and trust in them? How are we supposed to feel about ourselves? Imagine how many women have read or will read this article who will feel inadequate and end up getting pushed into things they don't really want in an attempt to keep their partner occupied enough to not cheat.

Her advice for how to keep men from cheating is disrespectful. Take advantage of his "nature"? It's better to have the dog on a leash? What sort of degrading analogy is that! And you shouldn't have to compromise your values to "keep" your man either. Not to mention it may end up being cruel to drop "hints" that other men still find you attractive. The guy might think you're cheating or considering leaving him. Talk about the potential to backfire. as far as her suggestion to "work with the other woman a wonderful thing" that's such bs.

that article really angers me, and that hits close to home too. My boyfriend has never cheated on anyone, he sees no point in it. To him it's one of the biggest betrayals of trust and love, but he's been cheated on and taken advantage of in three of his past relationships. So, chick who wrote that article, what do you say to that.

Posts: 95 | From: Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 48638

Icon 1 posted      Profile for luanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My grandparents have been married for over 60 years. And Grandpa loves Grandma way too much to say any but the kindliest things to her, let alone cheat. I guess that makes him feminine or something. [Razz]

[ 08-30-2010, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: luanne ]


Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3