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cjane87
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Member # 108158

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hi all,

i'm in love with an amazing woman, who is really dedicated to talking to me and making me feel safe in all aspects of our relationship.

my problem is that i can only orgasm through masturbating - my clit/vulva gets so so so so sensitive that any contact by anyone who isn't me feels really painful. oral sex feels really strange, and it all ends up being too much.

is there any way i can reduce my sensitivity? or any tools or tricks i can try? my girlfriend is amazing and really supportive, but i don't want this to get in the way.

thanks!

Posts: 44 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
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Member # 108189

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Hi Cjane,

I'm glad to hear your partner is being respectful and supportive. My best recommendation is to really take things slow, make sure you have lube, and focus on communication (if you aren't already doing so). For manual stimulation, it may help to try guiding your partner's hand and teaching them the amount of pressure and the types of movement that feel good rather than painful. It will also help to keep in mind that there is going to be a learning curve, so don't get too frustrated with yourself if it takes awhile to work out something you can do together that feels good.

I think taking a look at this article might also give you some help (it's focus is on penetrative sex, but a lot of the advice is applicable to your situation): From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

As for oral sex, it may be that it's simply not your thing, which is fine. Or, it may be that it's another case of learning what feels good and instructing your partner. But if you really aren't enjoying it, you don;t have to keep trying it.

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Molias
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One way to approach this may be not to set up orgasm as the Ultimate Sex Goal, but to think about sex as a set of really enjoyable things that you and your partner do together; orgasm can be a great part of that, but I think with any partner - but especially sometimes with newer ones - focusing solely on orgasm can make things kind of frustrating.

Exploration and experimentation with a new partner can be a lot of fun - maybe y'all can focus on that aspect of things for a while, and talk about what you each like alone and together?

Posts: 1316 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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