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Yellow3121
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At the beginning of the second quarter, I started to sit across the table from this boy in my Chemistry class. He cussed A LOT and a few of the things that he said made me a little bit uncomfortable. I let it go, but when I told my boyfriend he wasn't very okay with it and ended up messaging him on FaceBook and saying something to the effect of "Hey this is Sam's boyfriend and I would appreciate if you would stop making comments about having sex with my girlfriend because we've been in a committed relationship for over a year and she's not interested." He sent the message and the boy ended up blocking us both on Facebook. Well. My boyfriend seems to have exaggerated and so this boy was probably pretty confused. I ended up texting the boy and apologizing, saying that it was a huge misunderstanding, hoping that I didn't hurt his feelings and that we could be friends. He responded by saying that it was okay and that yes we could be friends. Well. I don't know this boy very well and I've been trying to be super nice to him and make friends with him ever since.

I don't think that this boy has very many friends. And I don't have any idea what his home life is. I don't know why and this probably sounds CRAZY, but I just have this weird feeling that. He's going to hurt himself or kill himself and. I can not stop thinking about it. I feel like. The worst person in the world and I don't know how to stop worrying about it. Would I be completely out of line to talk to the school counselor about this? I just don't know what to do and could use some serious advice. Thank you!

Posts: 21 | From: Colorado | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Do you see any indicators besides your "wierd feeling" that this person is suicidal? Has he indicated to you that he is dissatisfied with his friendships? That he is at all unhappy? People interact with others in different ways, and some people prefer to have fewer friends, or don't feel comfortable with big groups of people. That's not a sign of anything being wrong.

As well, it also sounds like he has forgiven you and your partner for that Facebook message. Or has he said anything that makes you feel like he is still holding a grudge?

On the whole, it does not sound to me like this is a situation where you need to involve the school counselor. Unless he has specifically asked you for help, or you have seen concrete signs that he is injuring himself and/or considering suicide, you do not need to talk to the counselor.

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-joey
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Yellow3121
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He has forgiven us and today I had chemistry and we had a pretty normal conversation, no he hasn't talked to me about anything. I just. Guess I feel extremely guilty about this whole situation and I guess that's why I'm feeling like this. I would honestly. Not want to go on living if I were part of the reason that he ended up doing something like that. So. I guess that's why I'm worrying about! So you don't think that there seems to be anything wrong?
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Robin Lee
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It doesn't sound like this boy has given you any reason to think that he will harm himself.


Obviously, we can never know what another person is thinking or what they plan to do unless they tell us.

I'm a little confused about where your belief that he might harm himself is coming from since he hasn't said or done anything that's made you think this.

We cannot guess, or be responsible, for what other people do. Unless he tells you that he needs help, or you specifically see him doing something hor hear him saying something that is worrying, I think you can rest easy.


i'm also wondering if you've talked to your boyfriend about his actions around this. It sounds to me like he went ahead and did something that you've ended up not being very comfortable with at all!

[ 11-06-2013, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yellow3121
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I think my boyfriend had good intentions. He saw that I was feeling uncomfortable, and wanted to do something about it. I do agree that he went ahead and did something without understanding the situation fully though.

I honestly don't know where my fear that he might hurt himself and coming from. I just. Am so scared about it for some reason. I am. Not usually mean to people. And when this happened I guess my guilt just. Overcame me. I'm just going to try to be as nice as I can from now on because I really don't think I can do anything more about it now. I just feel like if he ever did do something, I don't know what I would do because I would know that I contributed to it, at least a little bit, and I don't know what I would do. I guess that's what I'm scared about.

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Robin Lee
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You know, it could very well be that this boy has forgotten about all this now, at least from an emotional standpoint. That is, he might remember that it happened, but have no feelings about it one way or the other.

But we really don't know how he feels.

What do you think you need to do, for yourself, to move past this?

Have you and your boyfriend talked about alternate ways to deal with something like this in future, such as him asking you if you'd like to do something about your discomfort, and, if you say yes, him encouraging you to do what you needed to do to make yourself feel better?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yellow3121
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Yes! We talked about it and agreed on what should happen in the future...

Do you agree that I just need to. Forget about it because it's likely that he has too and move on?

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Karybu
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I do think you need to move on from this. There's no reason to think that this boy is still thinking about this or concerned about it in any way. Are you feeling better about having talked to your boyfriend and agreeing on what should happen in situations like this in the future?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Yellow3121
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Yes I feel better about that. I guess at this point there is really nothing else I can do, considering I already apologized and am trying my best to be the nicest I can to him.
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Robin Lee
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Yes, that is all you can do. Really, that's all anyone can do. [Smile]

[ 11-09-2013, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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