I've been with someone for a little while now, BUT NOTE: I in no way or means claim to love this person. I enjoy them and their company very much. I don't love them, however.
I was 12 when I developed very Christian, conservative veiws. For example- - No Sex Before Marriage (OF ANY KIND) - Gay Marriage is wrong (read more before you jump my case) - Foul Language is awful - Put God First
stuff like that. As I grow older and learn new things, meet new people, etc, these veiws are changing greatly. I now support marriage equality. I do have a bit of a sailors mouth. I am around people (mostly ages 17+) and they all do it, so it's mostly just a bad habit now and it kinda slips without my noticing it.
I recently got to second base, but then I stopped it. As I hear stories about my friends, and learn more about myself and the human body sexually, I feel like the whole "wait until marriage" thing is really strange and unnessicary. Then I remember that I'm 15 and if I had any kind of sex now I'd just be labelled off as a slut. Which is kinda true, I'm way too young for that.
But then again, I don't quite understand why we NEED to wait.
I feel like my faith is holding me back, but I also remember a time when I would have been so quick to judge someone, especially the kind of person I am now.
I just don't know what to do. Stay with my faith or go with my gut?
Posts: 1 | From: sc | Registered: Aug 2013
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Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
Hi ThatWeirdHorseGirl and welcome to Scarleteen,
Just so you know, Scarleteen is a secular organization, but that doesn't mean that we can't talk through your feelings and ideas with you and help you figure out what is going to work for you.
I'm wondering a few things:
I know you're saying that your feelings on sex, and when that should happen, are changing. I'm wondering though if you're saying that you want to engage in more sexual activities with the person you're with, or if your feelings on this are just changing in general?
I'm also wondering if you have other people in your life with whom you can talk to about these things. Do you know people who share your religious views who would also be willing to talk this through with you?
You're expressing concern that you would be judged and labeled for engaging in sexual activity at your age. Who would be doing this judging? There's no reason anyone has to know what you're up to unless you choose to tell them.
You may find this article helpful as you work on figuring this out:
Our views and beliefs on all sorts of topics change all the time - it is part of growing up, being exposed to different people and experiences. That is a totally natural process, and it sounds like you've been taking it in stride and listening to yourself on this so far.
But these changes are a process, and being on a journey, feeling a bit confused and torn, is perfectly alright. You don't need to make any decisions right now.
If this is something that you're currently mulling over, then a good idea might be to read up on the things that you are confused about, talk to someone (your friends, your partner, family), maybe write in a journal - do what you can to explore the topic.
And if you want to talk about any of that, or have any questions, we'll be happy to help you out!
One thing I want to say right away, though: there is no ideal age to start becoming sexually active, and becoming sexually active at a young age does not make someone a "slut". That is a super arbitrary and completely unhelpful label, and I'd appreciate it if we could talk about this without resorting to shaming, as that won't do anyone any good.
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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I'm in my 20s, and I don't understand the "no premarital sex" thing either.
I, personally, don't see a really good, solid reason (biblical or other) to prohibit it across the board. I mean yes, I understand, there are sexual situations that are obviously harmful to people. But there can be harmful sex within a marriage too. There could be an abusive marriage where one partner sexually assaults the other. So I'm not sure where that leaves us.
I don't think all Christians agree that it's necessarily wrong, either. Christianity is a big religion for sure. I thought it was like over 90% of people in the US that have had sex before marriage, too, so there has to be some overlap.
However, there do seem to be enough people that think it is never acceptable. The study Bible I use even has a few notes about that, and it's one of the less conservative ones I've encountered.
I don't even know what my point is, except to say that I just don't get it either!
Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013
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