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Author Topic: girlfriend help ASAP
Damian
Neophyte
Member # 108756

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okay so I am 16 and so is my girlfriend. we recently decided to talk about sex. I asked her if there's anything that makes her feel uncomfortable about her body. she told me she is uncomfortable about her weight which I don't mind about because you know I kinda like it but the other thing that she's uncomfortable with is that she has a hairy vagina and she is scared of the way I will look at it. it doesn't bother me because I know its not wrong I read all about sex and puberty it's just that I want her to be able to feel comfortable if it ever comes down to us getting that far. how do I make my girl from Fillmore comfortable knowing that she has a hairy vagina and that it doesn't bother me
Posts: 1 | From: Arizona | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

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Hi Damian, and welcome to Scarleteen!

It's great that you already know that hair is just hair and no big deal. I'm sure that simply saying to your girlfriend what you've said here about how you feel about it will help her to know that you're totally ok with hair.

As you clearly already know, the bigger deal is how your girlfriend feels about her own hair. Someone else telling us that our body is great can help, but it can't totally change our own view of ourselves. There are a lot of messages out there that vulvas and vaginas are somehow icky or ugly, and that body hair - particularly women's body hair - is icky and ugly. Of course these aren't true, but it can get very hard not to believe it. A lot of women don't see another woman's genitals, and get a very limited idea of what genitals are "supposed" to look like: there are many more hairless vulvas in magazine pictures and porn than there are on people in general. Nearly all vulvas are hairy to start with, too, it's just that some people remove the hair.

It's very unlikely that your girlfriend has a hairy vagina, as that's the part of the body that's internal. She probably means she has a hairy vulva, which is the external genital area. A lot of people don't get taught the proper names for the genitals, so no worries. If you'd like to find out more yourself, you can also have a look at the article I've linked below.

Has your girlfriend already had good information about puberty and genitals? We have some information that might help: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More Your girlfriend might feel more confident and happier with her body if she can get to know it. We also have a series of pictures of different people's vulvas, where those people talk about their own vulva and the picture of it. Might it help your girlfriend to see a range of different vulvas, some hairy? If so, the first is here: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2011/07/25/ill_show_you_mine_diana Obviously, these contain pictures of nude genitals, so you should only scroll down to the picture if you're somewhere where that's ok to have large on your screen!

If your girlfriend would like to come to talk to us about how she feels, we'd be happy to talk with her.

Is there any more information that would be helpful to you or your girlfriend?

[ 10-28-2013, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Redskies ]

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1443 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Edith_*
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 107716

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Hello Damian! Welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

It's so nice to hear you care so much about your girlfriend, and that you want to make her feel comfortable and the only way I can tell you to do that is talking.

When it comes to talking about sex it is not something that is going to happen just once or twice. Sometimes takes a lot of time and a lot of talks to get to the place of feeling ready because we all have different paces. I can tell you you are doing a good job by listening and caring, and really all you can do is be patient and reassuring.

And you are right, hair on bodies are a totally normal thing. [Smile]

Maybe something you can do, when you and your girlfriend talk again about this, is letting her know about your body too, and how you feel about you letting her see your body. Sometimes knowing how our partners feel could help a lot.

I think you and your girlfriend could find this link helpful:

Hair, There and Everywhere

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 372 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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