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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » "Getting Physical" - and centering pleasure around your own body once in a while

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Author Topic: "Getting Physical" - and centering pleasure around your own body once in a while
Jacob at Scarleteen
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So I was wondering whether anyone else has ever thought about how physically they relate to themselves sexually?

What I mean by that is, for me, my sexual pleasure and experiences are always kind of focussed outside of myself, away from my own body and either focussing on a fantasy, a partner, or some sort of sexual imagery.

Despite the number of times I've read this:
From 10 of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self At Any Age:

No one is ever going to know your body like you are, and no one else is ever going to be able to GET to know your body well unless you do to begin with.

I've always sort of neglected to question why physical self-exploration hasn't actually been something that has been a big part of my sexuality. And at times I think partners have interacted with my body more than I have myself.

For my own pleasure, it has almost always been a matter of imagining different things, or watching/reading/listening to different things, but pretty much doing the same thing.

I don't know if it's a gender thing, or a product of the current age of mass distraction and social meda... but more recently I tried out just blocking out fantasies and trying to focus 100% on the physical sensations, and varying those... and it was amazing. It felt like self-care much more than fantasy, erotica or partnered sex, where there's always the idea of other people or actual other people to distract me from myself. Which of course is all enjoyable but it doesn't really embody the self-care element we mention in the "10 of the best things..." article.

Is this just a me-thing? Or does anyone else think they too neglect to ever make themselves and their body central and that they could benefit from getting a bit more 'physical' once in a while?

[ 10-06-2013, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I often have a hard time making my body central in sexual experiences. While I'm not super body-dysphoric all the time, I do struggle with that to some extent and it often feels much easier to take the focus off of my body, or parts of my body, either during partnered sex or when I'm thinking about sexual things on my own.

Sex tends to make my complicated nonstandard gender & gendered body feel a lot more awkward or hard to navigate than it does at other times, and there are times (especially with new partners) when I decide to just not focus on myself or my body that much during sex. And sometimes that's great, but it can be sad or frustrating as well. I'm trying to focus on my body more, but it's something I continue to struggle with.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I definitely still struggle with focusing on my body and feeling "in" my body in sexual situations.

I have been dealing with disordered eating on and off for twenty years and I am a survivor of sexual abuse and rape, so my relationship with my body is complicated at the best of times. Blocking out bodily sensations has been a way of coping for me, so learning to listen to my body, to actually embrace my body's responses, has been a long, difficult process.

[ 10-12-2013, 06:05 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Thanks for being so open guys. I suppose it's something that can be hard to do for so many of these reasons. It's really cool to see I'm not the only one!

I suppose we're all kind of saying that it is something that it can be difficult or upsetting to do but something we think would be rewarding?

You made me think about why I haven't really tried before: the struggle for me in being focused on my body and being in the moment is that I have to face all sorts of my anxieties too, which a more 'distracted' sort of pleasure can help me escape... and pausing, giving my mind the opportunity to face those things is super scary. So

As well as all of this, being body-focused isn't the 'only right way' to do pleasure, so I'm mindful of not idealising it... it can be a place we might like to be but being good to our needs in the present seems more important for us.

I've never felt particularly excluded from 'know your body' stuff, and it is something I'm realising isn't automatic... but yeah maybe at the same time it doesn't necessarily need to be the ideal?

I don't know, but it's really interesting to hear what you guys have experienced.

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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