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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » How to get over myself?

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Author Topic: How to get over myself?
marvioom
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I got advice from a very helpful person here that maybe dealing with body hatred issues may lead to me getting sexual pleasure back, but either way I'd like to stop feeling so terrible

All throughout my teens I've hated my body, nearly everything about it, and I'm 20 now

I guess I should start from the top and work down (and I won't list everything that I hate because it's too much, only the major issues)

I have an ugly face and I got called a 'witch' a lot because I've got a witchy face

Once I reverse-image searched a picture of me and found a thread with hundreds of comments laughing at how ugly I was, they found my appearance hilariously bad, I won't repeat what they said because then I might be identified but there you go. They made some jokes that I hear in real life too

In secondary school boys would pretend ask me out as a joke, or jokingly flirt with me in front of the class to get laughs, or put their arm around me as I'm walking so that they and their friends can laugh

My boobs, I hate them so much! They sagged a lot prematurely and so now they look like an old ladie's boobs, or boobs you'd find in national geographic, they are hideous, I hate them and I never take a bra off unless I'm having a shower. I do not look attractive at all, even when I have a flat stomach the boobs just ruin it. I don't care about their size, just their shape. And yes, I've already seen that gallery of boobs, but a bunch of ugly boobs doesn't make me feel better, I just feel sorry for them, and I already know they're 'normal' (just like an ugly, big nose is normal), just ugly.

Stretch marks. Yes most people have them but do they all have massive ones on their hips, waist and lower back? Nah. They're big, raised, ugly and I could never show that part of my body by wearing something revealing when going swimming or something.

Arms, covered in scars because of my dermatillomania, I don't pick as much as I used to

Legs, inner thigh is covered in hyperpigmentation or unsightly scars left over from various scrapes and some marks left over from ingrowns. There's no way I could ever show them.

Hips, straight not curved and womanly.

There's so much more but it's too much to list, those are the things I hate the most

I'm not as self pitying as I was when I was a teenager where I would sit and wallow in my own misery or cry myself to sleep about it, but I still really don't like my body. I keep trying to say to myself 'at least it functions well enough and you don't have disabilities', and I try to be grateful for that, but my subconscious doesn't seem to register it.

I really need to get over myself, basically, and stop this misery-fest. I could be a lot worse off, at least I don't have disabilities, and those people don't sit and feel sorry for themselves all the time

...This is somewhat embarrassing but I guess it's anonymous

Thank you [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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Hi Marvioom,


I'm so sorry that you've had so much negative feedback from others about your body. Children and teens (and adults too) can be woefully cruel to others.



So, maybe a good place to start would be to make a list of the things you *do* like about yourself, whether it's about your body, or things you do, or the way you think, and so on. No, it doesn't make the other stuff go away, and I'm not suggesting it as a way to make everything else go away or magically be better. I'm suggesting it as a way to find some balance.

This is just a guess, but it doesn't sound like comparing yourself to other people whom you feel have things worse off than you do is helping in the long-run, which isn't surprising. Comparing rarely is helpful as everyone's lives, feelings, and experiences are unique to them. So, I'm thinking that looking within yourself for the positives might possibly be more productive for you.

Just a gentle reminder too that referring to any group of people as "those people" is a little objectifying. I doubt you meant it that way, but that can be how it comes across. There are plenty of people with disabilities who read this forum, including me, so the people you're referring to aren't just an anonymous group. [Smile]

And...for the record: I'm a person with multiple disabilities and I feel sorry for myself plenty.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marvioom
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin Lee:
Hi Marvioom,


I'm so sorry that you've had so much negative feedback from others about your body. Children and teens (and adults too) can be woefully cruel to others.



So, maybe a good place to start would be to make a list of the things you *do* like about yourself, whether it's about your body, or things you do, or the way you think, and so on. No, it doesn't make the other stuff go away, and I'm not suggesting it as a way to make everything else go away or magically be better. I'm suggesting it as a way to find some balance.

This is just a guess, but it doesn't sound like comparing yourself to other people whom you feel have things worse off than you do is helping in the long-run, which isn't surprising. Comparing rarely is helpful as everyone's lives, feelings, and experiences are unique to them. So, I'm thinking that looking within yourself for the positives might possibly be more productive for you.

Just a gentle reminder too that referring to any group of people as "those people" is a little objectifying. I doubt you meant it that way, but that can be how it comes across. There are plenty of people with disabilities who read this forum, including me, so the people you're referring to aren't just an anonymous group. [Smile]

And...for the record: I'm a person with multiple disabilities and I feel sorry for myself plenty.

There are some things I like about myself as a person although not nearly enough to create some balance...

Yes. you're generally told when you don't like your body that you should be grateful that it functions and to count your blessings etc, although I've found that this doesn't really help and it makes me feel guilty that it didn't help

Ah I'm very sorry, you're right and I didn't think. I'm so used to not meeting disabled people that whenever I refer to disabled people I say "them" when really there's many that browse this site. I didn't mean it to be that way

Thanks for the advice [Smile]

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marvioom
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Hello, me again with a question

Do you by any chance have any information on making decisions to have plastic surgery? What factors to consider when deciding if it's right for you or not?

On the NHS you can get cosmetic procedures covered for free if it can be shown that it has a negative psychological effect on you. And I can also go the route of saving up for it myself

I just feel like I would be a LOT more comfortable in my skin if I did this. I would be SO much happier, my quality of life would greatly increase

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Heather
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We have a piece on someone who did that, and through national health coverage, with something here, if you'd like to take a look: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/frankenboobs

Ultimately, though, what you'll want to do is have a consult with a surgeon who can explain your options, tell you the possible risks and benefits, then take that information away from that consult to take time to think and talk it through yourself.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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marvioom
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Thank you very much, I'll definitely take a look
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