I'm a virgin. I've never had sex (oral, anal, penis in vagina, etc). And I'm in my mid-20's.
Recently I decided that it would be worth while to get back into the dating scene and try to find a romantic partner. I also figured that I should invest some time and energy getting more familiar with my body, what feels good, what doesn't feel good by masturbating and buying a sex toy or two.
Getting to the point of this post.
I bought a dual vibrator for clitoral and G-spot stimulation with some water based lube. Without too much fuss I could figure out how to finger myself and get two fingers to go all the way into my vagina, but I haven't been able to insert my toy (which measures 1 inch in diameter).
I just don't get it... It doesn't seem like this is something that should be hard. Why can I fit my fingers, but not my toy?
Repeated attempts to look up information online has resulted in these search results / answers:
1) You need to use lube (check, I use lube). 2) You need to stretch your vaginal opening / vagina (maybe this is part of the problem?). 3) You simply push it in... 4) And this one really makes me nervous...I've come across a few stories about women who seem to be built or made a certain way that makes vaginal penetrative sex impossible without some sort of surgery (I hope I'm not one of these women).
And here is some more information that would be helpful to those trying to give suggestions or advice:
-I haven't seen a gynecologist about this because I want to find out if I am making some sort of mistake that people who are virgins or are generally inexperienced with these matters make.
-Last night I fingered myself and very specifically felt around trying to wrap my head around this. When I have a finger in my vagina I can easily move it side to side toward either of my legs. If I try to move it forward and back, toward my clit I don't have to go very far at all before I hit my pubic bone and moving it back it doesn't feel like it has anywhere to go. The best I can describe is it feels like I have this long skinny rectangle of tissue that has a circular hole in the middle, but almost everything except for something the size of my fingers is too big to pass through.
-I can consciously clench and relax the muscles that women use for kegal exercises, so I don't think it's a matter of me tensing up or being anxious.
-And because I feel like I've gotten used to and comfortable with using my toy externally--for this reason I don't think it's stress or all in my head.
-I'm wondering if part of the problem is that I'm not aroused when I've been trying to insert my toy? But no information I have come across seems to indicate I need to be aroused before attempting penetration.
-As far as I can tell I don't think the problem is my vagina, it's the entrance to my vagina being too tight, too small....something?
I'm hoping someone here will read this and be able to help me out (even if that means telling me to go see a gynecologist).
There are a couple of possibilities here. One is that you just aren't aroused enough when you're trying to insert your toy (and yes, that does tend to make a big difference). When people with vaginas get aroused, the whole vaginal canal - including the entrance - actually expands to make the insertion of a toy or fingers or a penis more comfortable. So if you haven't already, try waiting until you feel really turned on and feel like you actually want something in your vagina before you try inserting your toy.
The other possibility is that you have a particularly resilient hymen that just hasn't worn away very much, and that's something you do need to check in with a gynecologist about. Most of the time, the hymen wears away gradually so that eventually there isn't much left and it doesn't tend to cause a problem with any kind of vaginal insertion, but that isn't the case for everyone so it's worth getting checked out to see if that's what's going on here.
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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Hi Purple_thinker and welcome to Scarleteen,
The vagina changes size and shape with arousal, so yes, not being sexually aroused when attempting entry with something like a toy does make a huge difference for most people.
Furthermore, it is not at all common for people to need surgery or any sort of medical intervention in order for vaginal penetration to be possible. The fact that you can insert your fingers indicates that it's unlikely that anything is structurally amiss. As Karybu mentioned, some people do have imperforate (resilient hymens) and a healthcare provider could tell you if you are one of those people. The surgery to repair this is minor, and imperforate hymens are fairly rare.
Since you have not been feeling aroused when attempting to insert a toy, it's not surprising that this insertion hasn't been possible. Arousal isn't the only factor, but given the impact it does have on the size and shape of the vagina for most people, it's a pretty significant factor.
I'm going to give you some reading material on genital anatomy to help you get a clearer picture of what is going on here. If you have more questions or concerns after reading this, we can definitely discuss those.
I'll need to spend some time experimenting, trouble shooting and just for good measure schedule an appointment with a gynecologist.
I have been trying to educate myself on this topic and catch up with my peers, but book reading and internet searches can only go so far (I personally found "I :heart: Female Orgasm" by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller to be a useful and enlightening read).
Posts: 3 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2013
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Posting as an update for the people who responded and for future reference to anyone who might find this helpful:
I had an appointment at Planned Parenthood a few days ago for a consultation and pelvic exam.
The lady who did the exam was nice and went out of her way to reassure me that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at my age. That she has met and examined many women who are post-menopausal and still have an intact hymen (this is something I have never felt uncomfortable or uneasy about until recently due to putting myself out in the dating world and potentially having to deal with other people's judgement and negativity).
The exam was very brief with only some slight discomfort.
-My hymen is still intact and because I haven't used tampons, haven't felt compelled to masturbate by putting my fingers in my vagina the internal muscle tissue is tight enough to make it very difficult or impossible to insert something that is the equivalent of an average penis.
-There is a surgery to have the hymen surgically removed, but given what that would entail I don't plan on going that route.
-What she suggested is that I continue with manually stretching and massaging the tissue and build up to eventually fit three fingers in.
-She didn't really elaborate on this, but she mentioned that vaginal dilators could be an option. Before writing my original post I had heard of vaginal dilators and after doing some more research the past few days I'm strongly entertaining buying a set. Manually stretching the tissue with my fingers limits my mobility, my wrist and fingers begin to feel uncomfortable and it would generally feel like less of a chore if I had my hands free to read an erotica anthology.
Posts: 3 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2013
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