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Author Topic: quitting Facebook (maybe for now, maybe forever)
Prozac
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I have a history of depression going many years back. And maybe there's a limit on feelings and I've used up my Feelings Allowance in the past few years and now I shouldn't feel anymore. But yesterday I was feeling sad because it seems like all my friends are moving to different parts of the country. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't suicidal, I was just SAD. I wanted someone to empathize with me (sympathize? Always get those two confused). Instead, I got dismissed, scoffed at, had the conversation topic switched, and avoided completely.

So I said: I quit.

I don't want to love if everyone is just going to leave.

I'm leaving Facebook for a while. It'll be good for me, I think. Less drama. More time to do other things. And maybe I can get used to not having friends while I do this. Ease my way back into loneliness. Why not?

I'm just so sad.

Posts: 68 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I hear you suggesting that without Facebook, you don't have any friendships.

But Facebook and other social media are only one way to connect with friends, not the only way, even if it is a very popular way to do that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Prozac
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It's the only way my friends bother to connect with me.
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Heather
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So, maybe the issue is less Facebook, and more about your particular friends?

In other words, if your friends aren't also people who want to/do connect with you in other ways, like with phone calls, or hanging out in person, it's time to cultivate some new friendships?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Prozac
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I thought of that. But I've tried making new friends at college, and it's like they can smell my depression on me. The Crazy has an unmistakable stench, I guess. And then they avoid me.
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Heather
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Well, since you've been here, it sounds like you've been able to connect to more than one boyfriend, per a romantic/sexual relationship.

Why do you think you're able to seek out and find those kinds of connections, but not friendships?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Prozac
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Because I'm hot stuff? lol, just kidding...

I think maybe just some guys are less judgmental. Girls are harder (I want to have some girl friends, too!) and I always feel like they're picky. I don't know. I'm just not good at making friendships.

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Heather
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Well, guys can be friends, too! It's not like you can only be friends with one gender of people.

But it sounds like some of this might be about working on some social skills per friendships, and maybe even adjusting how you think a little?

It really can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, the way we think about gender in this regard. So many women are raised and reared, from early girlhood, to not connect with other women and girls well, and to learn more social skills per pursuing romantic and sexual relationships than friendships. Earnestly, most of our cultures work VERY hard to keep us apart, or pit us in competition, rather than enabling and teaching us to connect.

Really, gender doesn't create our personalities. "Girls are picky," is a stereotype, like "Girls don't like each other," is. It's one a lot of people accept and go along with, but no one has to.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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copper86
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Hey, Prozac,

You know, regarding Facebook, I find it can sometimes be a very difficult way to get sympathy. I find that sometimes, people can say stuff on Facebook or chats or other technological avenues that they wouldn't normally say in direct, physical contact with others; because technological communication is done behind a screen and no one can see the other's responses or feelings towards their messages. I'm certainly not saying that your friends are mean or anything, I'm just saying that this has been my experience sometimes with media sites and that it's sometimes tough to gain empathy over Facebook. People can write regular statuses and people can turn them around into arguments or accusations... It's so much easier to do that when no one can see the other person and their facial cues. In my opinion, though. [Smile]

I'm with you: I have trouble making new friends. I'm also pretty sensitive, so if someone looks at me the wrong way, I assume they don't like me or don't want to be around me. But I found that things changed for the better when I went to university. One thing I would suggest that might help is to just sit beside a student - boy or girl, whichever you prefer - and ask them if they've done the homework, assignment, lab, or whatever report you had to do that day. I've made some acquaintances that way. Or, if you see that a student has missed class, you can offer to give them your notes to borrow (if you feel comfortable with doing that). You might gain a new friend by doing that. One of the closest friends I have now was gained through sharing notes.

As Heather said, you seem like a very likeable person and do have relationships with a boyfriend and others; so I am sure you will be able to make some new friends. I know how intimidating it can be, but just try not to worry! Everyone goes through this, especially in college. Hey, that was me for one very long year - my first year - until I finally made some more friends. I promise you, things will work out.

Take care of yourself, and try not to feel down. Everyone deserves to be loved and empathized with, and we'd certainly love to talk with you more if you'd like! [Smile] You seem very nice and friend-worthy to me - you'll make friends! Have you thought about joining any sports - extra-curricular or teams - or clubs? Oh, and everyone has problems or things that make them sad - if people could smell stuff like that, we'd all be smelling the same. [Wink]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Prozac
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Thanks guys. Maybe it is time to join a club or something. I wonder if my college has a poetry club? Hmm...
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Molias
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Joining a club, activity, sport, activist group, etc. at your university is a great way to meet folks and make new friends. I think it's particularly useful for people who tend to feel awkward or anxious making friends, because there's a built-in shared interest that makes starting conversations with people easier. Plus you're spending your time on something interesting and useful anyway, so no matter how many new people you meet, it's time well spent.

Most universities have a student affairs office that can give you information on a bunch of different groups, and if you have a central social area where people post flyers about meetings and events, it's worth it to give that spot a once-over every week or so. I discovered some really interesting events on my campus that way.

I do want to make a note of what Heather said above about gender and friendships; I think the idea that it's someone's gender vs. their personality that makes them a good friend or not can be pretty toxic and might mean you miss out on befriending some great people.

Posts: 1329 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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