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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Worried (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Worried
m_azul
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Hey... I'm kind of worried. The past couple of days, I've noticed changes in my stomach. I don't want to tell my mom, because she would start worrying too. I've always been super thin, and my stomach has been completely flat. Now, from like my bra to my belly button is flat, and then my belly starts sloping out... Creating like a curve towards my pelvic area.... The part that slants is kind hard, and it's making me afraid. Y'all said if I had a 3-4 withdrawal, I couldn't be pregnant. I do have IBS. What could be wrong with me? [Frown]
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m_azul
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Oh, also I saw that another user was using a PP tool... I found it, and it asks if a partner "ejaculates (or comes) near your vagina from other types of sex" Is it talking about a full on ejaculation? It didn't mention just a couple drips of pre-ejaculate.
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Heather
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When people in this field use the word "ejaculate" we are talking about ejaculate. Only when you hear someone say "pre-ejaculate," and refer to that clearly, should you figure that's what we're talking about instead.

If that's confusing, it might help to bear in mind that those are actually two very different kinds of fluid, in some ways just as different as, say, urine and ejaculate are.

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Heather
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That said, if you are having the kind of genital contact where any of someone's fluids are having contact with your genitals, then you have to know that possible pregnancy risks are always an issue.

I'm not sure what you're asking about here with your stomach. Our body parts aren't always the same, and can often change or be changing, especially during times of life when we are going through a lot of body changes.

Are you having any pain? Do you feel ill?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Okay. So when they say "ejaculate" they mean that, and always will unless they specifically say otherwise. Thanks!

And I don't feel I'll, it's just a little bloated and sore if there's pressure on it.

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Heather
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Where are you at in your menstrual cycle?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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I take my last active pill tomorrow
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Heather
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Well, there you go.

I don't know how observant you are about your cycles, but most people tend to experience some bloating just before or around periods or withdrawal bleeds.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Well I haven't even really thought about where I was until you asked! I also didn't realize that you're body could produce symptoms like that before the active pills were completed. This all started a couple days ago, so then I guess that would be about right!
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Heather
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It might help to remember (or educate yourself more, if you aren't already educated about it) how the menstrual cycle works: On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation.

And to also remember that the pill doesn't take away that cycle, it just alters aspects of it (namely, ovulation). So, a lot of the hormonal shifts and changes that happen during a cycle without pills is also still happening with them, including things like the changes in hormone levels that often result in some PMS symptoms.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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I will read that.

And wow... I totally did not know that. But yeah, there has to be a cycle in order to bleed during the withdrawal time anyway. That explains my extra need for concealer this morning, and why hugs hurt me yesterday. See I get scared with things like this happening, but knowing that there's still a cycle there it makes a lot more sense.

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Heather
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You have the bleed that you do in part because of the things that would happen if you weren't off the pill, but also because of having the placebo period where your body "withdraws" from the synthetic hormones, which is why it's called a withdrawal bleed.

It might be a good idea for you to keep better track of the things that happen as a pattern with your body like this: that could be a handy way of not only getting to know your own body better, but of dialing down or avoiding panic for no good reason. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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Hello m_azul! [Smile]

i see that you too have used the PP tool in order to assess your risk- how do you feel now you have used it? [Smile] xx

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m_azul
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Hey! I feel better. But you know I still get nervous sometimes. But yes, what we were talking about that happened with me (maybe accidental contact for a second) seemed like nothing to worry about according to that tool! The only reason I fear anymore is because of what Heather said above. How do you feel?
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Heather
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Why does what I said make you feel afraid, m_azul?

Have you in fact had -- and seriously, you would know if you did -- DIRECT genital-to-genital contact and or DIRECT contact between someone's ejaculate and your genitals?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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No... I mean I would have noticed it I think. It made me afraid because the PP tool just mentioned semen/ejaculate. I only *may* have had contact with precum. (If any) but things went father than I planned (thankfully I do have the pill) and my bf was laying really close and I know he was like on my lower belly, but I told him not to put himself directly on my vagina because I get afraid. And he said well we will just stop here then, and we went on with our day. I am just afraid something may have gotten on me accidentally, or if we touched and I don't remember. But you said I would have noticed. This may sound silly, but I kept my hand down there as well. AND had the pill for the 2nd month in a row at that time. PLUS I took a test 12 days after (I know that was soon but it was my only chance) and got my withdrawal. We now steer away from that activity, though.
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Heather
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I think that it's very safe to say that unless we're talking about things like someone sexually assaulting us while we are asleep or otherwise incapacitated, no one has to worry that they have pregnancy risks from contact they didn't notice.

And like we've talked about before, so much of this just doesn't make sense to even stay focused on when you are also already using a reliable method of contraception.

If you're still focusing on things like this then, as I think we've talked about before, I think it's time again to keep yourself AWAY from tools and address on the internet about it, because you're likely only helping yourself to enable and create more anxiety instead of helping yourself to quell it.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Okay, Heather. That first section helps! I appreciate you talking me through this. I am definitely trying to do better. And I'm sure we BOTH would've noticed contact if it were there.
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Heather
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Yeah, becoming pregnant really isn't like those small, mysterious bruises we sometimes get where we're all, "How on earth did THAT happen?" [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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hi! yeah, i feel slightly better having used it, and i think what heather said above is really valuable to the both of us!! i particularly like the bruise analogy [Razz] xx
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m_azul
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Haha Heather I know you meant that seriously too, but that also made me laugh a little! That totally makes sense though.
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Heather
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Glad it did: laughter is a very good helper when it comes to reducing anxiety. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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That it is [Smile] lol thanks for talking me through this. You truly seem like it's nothing to be worried about, so I think I'll be alright! [Smile]
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MaddleyLove
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oh, m_azul, so glad youre feeling better about this !! [Smile] Now all I have to do is wait for my period....:/

and one more thing: correct me if I'm wrong, but, taking a purely neutral view on the PP tool... I did not have vaginal sex and he did not ejaculate on/in/around my vulval area...this means I am safe? [Smile] bc I cant stop thinking about alternative scenarios [Frown] but I guess the tool is simple bc there is only one or two ways in which someone could get pregnant, right? [Smile]

[ 03-16-2013, 06:41 AM: Message edited by: MaddleyLove ]

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Molias
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MaddleyLove, all the information you need to confirm this question is here on the site. If you can elaborate on the "alternative scenarios" that are worrying you I can try to take you through them, but at this point you know what's a risk and what isn't from the conversations we've had with you and all the information we have here; if you go back and check it I know you can answer that question for yourself.
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MaddleyLove
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just alternative scenarios such as no vaginal sex but genital contact, but Heather has already made clear that my scenario doesn't present a risk [Smile]
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Heather
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So, how's it going working on letting this stuff go, and not coming back here or elsewhere to keep digging into the same things again and again but focusing on other things, and putting your time and energy elsewhere?

I don't mean to be snarky: I'm earnestly trying to help you learn some basic ways to actually help with your anxieties around this instead of doing things to assure you stay stuck in them.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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I know you're not, I apologise for being so repetitive [Smile]

I guess I do it bc of my many conflicting feelings around this, I feel so confused and mixed up inside about how I DO feel and how I SHOULD feel about this part of my life [Frown]

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Heather
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How about we do something more productive then, and talk about those feelings?

If you're in, let's put the shoulds totally away. Lock'em up for now (hopefully eventually, you can lock 'em up for good, since they usually are useless and counterproductive). Let's talk about what you actually do feel instead.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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good plan [Smile]

okay- i feel confused and stuck between what i want (to be happy and feel at ease with the things i do), what my parents want (my mam is religious, so i cant talk to her about these things), and what my partner wants (to have a sexual relationship).
bc of these things i feel guilty, guilty for always making myself worried, guilty when i have to lie to my mam about why im so quiet and guilty for telling my bf i want to stop sexual intercourse bc of the worry.
aaand...then i feel selfish bc im thinking about what i want and what i need and not thinking about him and what he wants/ needs.
lastly,ive been hanging out with a new crowd, mostly guys, abd they have such a casual attitude to sex i feel envious of them, who can talk about sex in such a carefree way, and it confuses me as to why i cant feel so at ease around it.
all this is going round in my head all the time, and i hate it [Frown]

[ 03-16-2013, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: MaddleyLove ]

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Heather
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Nice start!

I'm heading out for the day, but perhaps to get started with this tomorrow with me, if you like what about you do this:

Let's play pretend that your Mom gave you the clear message that she supports whatever it is you want to do with your sex life. Let's also play pretend that your partner wanted exactly whatever it is that you want.

In other words, what they want? It's what you want. What's right for them? Is whatever it is that's right for you in this regard.

So, what would that be, do you think?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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Just for me to be happy...I think I'd find it easier to get out my pregnancy fears if my mam was more open, and then she could offer me advice about things [Frown]

AS for my bf...just to be okay doing things other than penetrative sex for now, which we are doing, but I can tell he's not totally happy with it. He tried to initiate sex the other day, but I was strong and said its not what I wanted, we then proceeded to have a conversation about it where he asked what I wanted and I said to slow down and he said okay, so I suppose that's something [Smile]

PS is it okay if we move this to a new thread? I feel kinda bad having hijacked m_azul's thread [Razz] sorry m_azul :/ xx

[ 03-17-2013, 04:08 AM: Message edited by: MaddleyLove ]

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Heather
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Of course: why don't you go ahead and start one, and I can meet you there. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Oh it's fine! I don't mind [Smile] I hope everything works out!
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MaddleyLove
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Thanks, you too!! howre you feeling now? has your stomach settled down? xx
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