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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » I'm doing it again and i cant control it

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Author Topic: I'm doing it again and i cant control it
BreakingSilence
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Over this past winter I met a new guy and started dating. My appetite increased and I was no longer sad like I was w my ex. I now constantly feel pressured to eat .I feel so depressed and bad about myself! I gained like 10 lbs and none of my clothes from last summer fit me anymore. I feel absolutely disgusting every time I eat and feel full. How can I stop this?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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I constantly feel guilty. I know I'm not fat but for some reason I believe I am. Nothing can convince me otherwise. I'm extremely self critical and realistically a size 0, and can honestly still fit into kids sizes. Something in my mind keeps telling me I'm fat. Perhaps my weight increase was healthy weight gain ( its a possibility), but I refuse to believe it. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat, and I'm constantly comparing myself to other females. The smaller I can become the happier I'll be.

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I'm sorry you're experiencing this Destiny'schild!

Eating and not eating in this way usually denotes some emotional and psychological struggle that we're experiencing, I'm sure you've had more than your fair share.

I don't think I know enough about this, and I say this even as someone who has experienced it to a lesser degree and with close friends who've had severe eating problems, to be able to say a sure-fire answer to how you can 'stop' etc. It is different for everyone, but I guess simply 'stopping' isn't a fair description, it is much more complicated than that for you. This is really difficult stuff and you deserve some credit for coming forward for help here or wherever.

It can be very helpful to have support and friends (or us!) around you, to work on this on your own terms, and I would say that seeking medical help would be a very useful move.

Have you considered going to your doctor with this and seeking therapy? I read in another thread it's something you were seeking previously.

I've had a fair bit of therapy for various different issues myself... if there's anything you'd like to ask about it, I'd be happy to share.

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it. Yes, I was seeking help on issues with my family. It just turned into a huge game of phone tag, they rarely called me back.I went there maybe 6 times, I mentioned other eating problem. The lady said as long as I was eating something then I'm fine. I beg to differ. I've had these issues since I was a child, and I was practically begging her to help me.

So what is a therapy session like in regards to an eating disorders? How do I go about scheduling an appointment, and how do I know I won't be wasting my time. Is there a link between eating disorders and depression?I'm in my 20's and feel like I'm falling apart.i feel like i'm the only one my age who is still torn over her family life growing up. I mean my parents divorced when i was 5,( I didn't see the man or his family for another 17 years) shortly after that my mom was moving us in with a strange man. She married him, and he molested and made passes at me until i was 19 years old ( and spoke out about it) To this day my mother refuses to believe me and has convinced herself i made it all up. Im pretty screwed up, my siblings ( step dad's kids) hate and refuse to talk to me. My mom clearly chose my step dad over me, so the thought of mother's day and father's day sickens me. I feel like I can tell my boy friend about my issue until I'm blue in the face ,but he'll never understand the severity, or how real and current the eating disorder is for me. I'm asking to help, but its like I'm sinking. I can't drown my problems in the junk food around me, I'm only then forced to feel depressed and hopeless. Food temporarily makes me feel good, later feeling lost in desperation

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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Also, is there a link between the issues I've gone through and the eating disorder? Thanks a million [Smile]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I wouldn't want to talk in absolutes regarding the link, but even if you had an innate tendency towards disordered eating, family problems would almost certainly play a big part in making it harder for you in that area.

I also think there's no shame in working through this stuff in your 20s. It's as good a time as any. I'm 24 and I feel like I've spent the time since I was 18 just trying to figure out exactly what it is I wanted help with.

I've not had therapy focused on disordered eating, but me and my therapist do feedback every week on if I've been harming myself or if I've been overeating/bing-eating, as I understand these things as symptoms of how I'm feeling and how I've woven personal problems like family stuff into my everyday life.

Every therapy is different. The type of thereapy I'm having is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), I've had it before and I found it pretty confusing because it was supposed to address a problem they thought was simple (procrastination) but turned out to be a whole lot more complicated. It wasn't a waste of time, just as it wasn't a cure. I'm accepting, that this stuff takes time to learn what didn't help as much as what did.

This time round we focus on self-esteem and so far I have spent the time working out what thoughts, feeling and behaviours reinforce my anxiety and depression. We're building a picture of childhood experiences and critical moments in my life to find out where those thoughts come from then we'll use that to create activities which will hopefully help me disrupt those cycles and introduce new ways for me to handle life etc. But I'm not expecting miracles, this is just another step, but I'll be really proud of myself if I make small improvements and if the whole process actually takes a few more years.

With what I'm dealing with food stuff is more of a symptom, so I can't really speak about therapy for eating disorders from personal experience, and also I come from somewhere with a rather different healthcare system.

I am sorry by the way that you were told that that your eating problems didn't matter if you weren't sick, I think it's important that mental health professionals respect your concerns and what you present as things you're struggling with. I hate patronising.

I can say phone tag is worth it, at the very least you learn how to better deal with the bureaucratic side and get to speak to someone quicker than the first time you tried. The risk of a session that doesn't help is worth it too, and such sessions aren't unhelpful. Much of this is just about taking many small steps all of which are a little risky, when you're ready to take them.

[ 05-05-2013, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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BreakingSilence
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Thanks so much for responding. After hearing your story I no longer feel alone. I used to self harm as well, but have admitted it to very few people. I just need to get out of this fog I'm in. I'm going to try to do this healthy. If I want to lose weight I want to do it without starving myself. I just hate feeling so guilty when I eat. Nothing I have from last year fits me anymore. I know I'm eating more regularly and I know I may be healthier, but why do I feel so crappy? I want to be in control of myself, but I'm so afraid I won't be able to lose the weight. When ago to get dressed every morning I feel completely hopeless

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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I go*

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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It seems to me that even this aim to loose weight "healthilly" is potentially still part of your problem. Bodies do change of their own accord sometimes and, though it's a bummer, clothes can stop fitting too. These may not be things it's reasonable to expect you to change. Trying to could mean a lot more pain, and may not help you at all or almost certainly not how you're feeling.

So anything you can do which will help you focus on improving how your feeling rather than changing your body could be a great thing to do.

Sometimes even stuff like putting up a poster to remind you of how your negative thoughts could just be painful emotions coming out in a different.

"In cases of self-critical body image and eating thoughts remember... maybe I just feel crap - time to hug myself and say I'm great 3 times"

These things can also be part of us trying to cope with difficult stuff. Being angry at ourselves can be a way just to be angry. So if you're also feeling that maybe there's also a need in you to vent. Writing a diary or doing a drawing could also be ways of venting that don't put the anger back into you.

These are possible strategies that might help or might not. But in the long term getting some more intensive help to work on the roots of your negative thoughts could really benefit you I think... It sounds like you agree with that.

Have you made any more progress seeking therapy?

Would you like any help with that or working out exactly what you would want from it?

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Heather
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Hey, Destiny'schild:

Ultimately, this really seems like you're posting about an easting disorder, so the very best thing for you to do is to seek out treatment. It sounds like it's been made available to you, right?

In the meantime, it's strongly advised that people with EDs, looking to recover from them, NOT restrict their eating in any way or focus on weight loss. That, perhaps obviously, is only going to trigger your ED and your disordered behaviours.

So, I'd strongly encourage you to follow up with this treatment, and to put your energy into pursuing that, rather than on what you can do on your own right now to be a given weight and not feel guilty. After all, a big part of treatment for an ED is going to work with that in ways that help you get out of disordered eating and unhealthy approaches to food and your body.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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BreakingSilence
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Hello! Thanks! Help for an ED has not been made available to me. I'm not really sure who to speak to. I was seeing a sexual abuse councilor, it helped a bit , however it turned into a game of phone tag when it came to scheduling appointments. She also said as long as I was saying something then it wasn't a big deal..,

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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I meant as long as i was Eating something. I typed "saying" on accident

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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September
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I am sorry that your counselor was not helpful in addressing your ED. Might you be able to call her and ask if she can recommend a counselor to you who does have experience dealing with EDs? It's pretty standard practice for counselors to refer patients to someone else if they feel out of their depth with a specific issue, so even if she did not think to do this for you, she should have some names.

Another option would be to talk to your GP and ask them for a referral.

Or, if you are in college, you can head over to your school's counseling center and ask for help there.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you. All of you have been extremely helpful to me

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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