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Author Topic: Looking for advice about Paranoia
ParanoidConfused
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So as some of the staff here have seen with my other posts, I can get a bit overly paranoid about the whole pregnancy risk thing. I mean, I do well enough to protect my gf from getting pregnant, yet the whole "what if" thing won't leave me be.

It also tends to get worse as the time for her menstrual flow nears. Like today, her period is due sometime this week and she's having all her usual PMS symptoms and is reassuring me I have nothing to worry about, yet the paranoia won't leave. The symptoms themselves are pretty standard from what I read too: Slight cramping, bloating, fatigue and slight mucus discharge are all normal for her, yet I still feel the need to go symptom searching and needlessly worry myself.

Any thoughts to help with this? Obviously the first one should be for me to stop symptom searching every little thing and ask her to test if I really feel that nervous, but often times it will stay on my mind until her bleeding starts. Dunno what to do...

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Karybu
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Have you considered taking a break from sex for now, until you learn to manage these anxieties? (And for sure, part of that is probably not searching for symptoms endlessly.)

Sometimes intense anxiety around pregnancy can actually come from other anxieties. How is the rest of your relationship with your girlfriend? How do you feel about having sex?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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ParanoidConfused
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It's been 9 months since we started dating their have been no fights and she's the sweetest person I know. The sex is very satisfying and the conversations we tend to have afterwards are what I usually look forward to the most.

We've discussed taking breaks and have done so in the past, though they were usually short breaks of about a week or two.

It might be my school stress starting to pile up on me that's causing the anxiety, but I've always been a nervous person to begin with.

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Karybu
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Can I ask what your upbringing was like around sex and sexuality? What kind of attitudes were/are there towards sex from your parents or other relatives?

With the anxiety, is it just around pregnancy, or is it more general? Have you ever talked to a healthcare provider about it?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Allie R
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Have you read some of our articles pertaining to effectiveness of contraception and pregnancy risk alleviate some of your nerves? Being proactive and informed in that respect can do wonders.

Also, maybe just practicing some relaxing exercises could help with your general stress as well? Even just taking a step back and taking a breather from everything every once in a while, too- including sex, like Karybu suggested.

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AAR

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ParanoidConfused
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Sex was never really discussed, but at the same time it was never really forbidden, the same goes for sexuality. Several of my relatives have had things like teen pregnancies and the like but the impression I was given was always more along the lines of "You're a smart kid, don't make the same mistakes as your relatives." or "Remember, school comes first, after that you have all the time in the world to do as you please."

And yes the anxiety is always just about pregnancy. I've never discussed it with a healthcare provider as I'm still living with my parents and only go to the doctor when they bring me.

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ParanoidConfused
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Yes, I have read the articles on effectiveness and do try to double up on protection (currently using Spermicidal condoms and Spermicidal lubricant). Even with those numbers enforcing the fact that a risk is unlikely, I'm just sort of paranoid by all the what ifs.

I do often take time every day to just sit alone and draw or listen to music so that I can relax and it does help alleviate things.

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Allie R
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Is your girlfriend aware of your anxiety? Perhaps she can be a source of reassurance as well!

What I can tell you is, I'm glad you're staying responsible and on top of things, but it must be exhausting to be feeling this way every month, or post-sexual activity even. It might help you to know that based on the knowledge that you possess on pregnancy prevention and the precautions you're taking, you have very little to worry about [Smile]

[ 02-26-2013, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: Allie A ]

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AAR

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ParanoidConfused
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Yes, she's often the number one source for reassurance and does her best to put up with my antics. We laugh about it pretty often, especially when my paranoia gets all weird and makes me believe in super slim chances that aren't really viable.

The paranoia isn't exhausting to deal with, it's more of just an annoyance that makes me ask "Are you feeling ok? Nothing weird right?" every now and then.
Thank you all for the advice. I've been slowly calming down as you've been answering my questions and now I'm just distracting myself with tv shows and homework, lol. Skyping with my gf also provides more relief.

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Allie R
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I'm glad to hear that!

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AAR

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ParanoidConfused
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All I really have left to do is play the waiting game. It should be due this week or next week, unless it decides to change again (She recently began tracking her cycles).

Thank you guys again for everything. I'll do my best to quit symptom searching and just have a cup of tea and wait.

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