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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Sex, virginity, and my family

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Author Topic: Sex, virginity, and my family
KoiFish
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Member # 102511

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Hellooo, well I guess I will just cut to the chase. This may be a longish post but bear with me. Me and my boyfriend have been wanting to have sex for a while now. We both feel ready mentally, but we also agreed that we should wait until we talk to our parents and I get on birth control. My parents, particularly my mom, are mormally really easy to talk to and there is hardly anything that I don't tell them. So of course it would feel wrong for me to not fill them in on this decision. A while ago, before me and my boyfriend decided we were interested in having sex, my mom asked me if we were already doing it in the car one night. She told me that if I decided to she would get me birth control. That sounds pretty good, but this hasn't ever been brought up again. Since me and my boyfriend have been trying to think of ways to bring it up with her, I tried to test the waters a few days ago by talking about resilient hymens since I am pretty sure I have one. I can't use a tampon and my boyfriend has tried fingering which hurts and we are steering clear from that now. It also hurts a little bit sometimes when i have a pretty heavy period. So when I told her about this , she said: well i guess you're going to have a hard time when you're married aren't you. It was kind of awkward and I feel like she purposely shut me down with the whole marriage thing. I don't know howww to talk to her now. It's kind of frustrating. She tells me that I can talk to her about this stuff, and then she makes me feel weird about it by trying to push the whole virginity thing at me. Soo advice? [Confused] It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Welcome to the boards, KoiFish. [Smile]

Are you certainly that her remark about marriage and the hymen was really her pushing virginity? Sometimes we might put more stock or weight in comments like that than the other person intended.

If she's said before that she'd help you with contraception, I'd take her at her word on that. It sounds like you generally have a good relationship, so how about considering having the conversation you want to have with her, and having it directly?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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KoiFish
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yeah i have thought about that but I am kind of freaked out that she will be disappointed. I feel like she's pushing the virginity thing I suppoooose because she has always told me and my sister to save it until marriage and be "spotless diamonds".
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Heather
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Umm, okay. If "spotless diamond" is a euphemism for virginity (haven't heard that one before!) maybe that is what she was doing. In which case, for sure, that sounds like a pretty mixed message in terms of the earlier conversation about birth control.

Here's the thing: you can probably obtain birth control with or without your mother's help and without her permission.

It sounds like the question here isn't so much about if you should take to her per wanting a method of birth control since you can do that without her, but if you want to talk to her because the two of you are close and this isn't something you want to hide from her, or not share with her.

So, maybe the next step is to think about, if you are becoming sexually active, or have in any respect already, is how you feel about having this be something you keep to yourself, or having it be something you share with your mother, inn terms of your relationship with her?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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KoiFish
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Okay thanks
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm happy to talk that through with you if you like, be it today, or after you've had some more time to think about it yourself. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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