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Author Topic: Asexuality?
she_who_questions
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I'm currently at a point in my life where I feel rather distanced from myself. I recently initiated a break from someone who I care about a lot, and I'm trying to tease out all of the factors that played a role in that event. Very reluctantly, I've arrived at the topic of sexual attraction. I haven't really experienced what it's like to enthusiastically want sex with someone. To me, sex has always felt like a medium for other things/issues in the relationship...i.e. affirmation, closeness, emotional appreciation. It's never been much of a physical desire for me (at least with my actual partners), and I don't know whether I've just been with the wrong people in the wrong circumstances, or whether I'm not a physical person, or what.

I've always felt like I had to cajole myself along in my past encounters... Even kissing initially seemed like a mental hurdle for me to get over. Because these things felt so stilted and scary, I would often retreat into a "sexual mode" where I would sort of silence my anxieties and retreat into a kind of character (one that knew technical and attitude-based ways to please). If I acted in line with my own nature, the encounter was never natural or flowing. Sometimes I wonder whether I have problems with intimacy.

Sometimes I've found my previous partners very attractive with their clothes on, but not wanted to see them shirtless etc. I've admired their hair and their faces and their hands. I've found them beautiful in many ways. But in all honesty, I've not been terribly driven towards sex before.

I've enjoyed the sensation of someone touching me and being inside me, but it never felt like an attraction to the specific person I was with. More just like enjoyment of the sex itself. Does that sound odd? I've never been driven by desire to touch someone sexually (i.e. below the belt or oral sex). That were always done in an effort to please. Things that come more naturally to me have included: increasing proximity to people by pulling them towards me, hugging, kissing their neck, touching their hands, messing with their hands.

I've vividly fantasized about people before, but only rarely do those fantasies involve me. It's this weird distancing, perhaps. I feel like I can imagine what it's like to wholly want someone, but I've never experienced it firsthand. I can definitely imagine it when watching couples in movies. I'm sort of starting to wonder whether I'm asexual. There are so many distinctions.....Aesthetic appreciation, physical attraction, sexual attraction.. I don't know. Is there any way to clarify some of this?

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Robin Lee
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Hi she_who_questions,

I'm wondering about what you said in your first sentence, that you're feeling distanced from yourself. Could you say more about that in general, since it seems to be a theme throughout your narrative.

I'm also wondering if you ever shared your own feelings or desires around physical closeness with any of your partners?

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Robin

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she_who_questions
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Hi Robin,
When I say I feel distanced from myself, I mostly mean that I don't understand (or haven't come to terms with) what drives me to do certain things in relationships. I know that I've felt extremely close with most of those I've cared about, almost to the point of pain, and there was always a certain heaviness in my mind about that. I find those real connections so rarely, and I cherish them when I do. They are most often with guys, simply because I feel more able to share the full range of my own experience with them. A lot of the time we may have a very observant, flirtatious sort of dynamic, and sometimes that gets misread. Probably I'm an equal party in that confusion, but I'm mostly just being myself.

I have shared some of my concerns with previous partners at certain points, i.e. just wanting to lie with them instead of having sex, the fact that initiating sexual interaction is a hurdle, that sex doesn't come naturally to me, the fact that I don't seem to have many "wants" when I'm with someone sexually firsthand, the reality that I'm very protective of my mental separate-ness, etc. But they don't seem to know what to do with that and neither do I.

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Robin Lee
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HI She Who Questions:

I'm unclear on what you mean by the dynamic between you and your partners being misread. Can you say more about that?

You mentioned in your first post that there are distinctions...you listed physical attraction, aesthetic appreciation, sexual attraction; these are all, I would say, part of sexuality, and to what extent they're part of sexuality is going to vary based on each person and quite often based on where each person is in their life.

I'm wondering if you might find it helpful to read this article:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/sexuality_wtf_is_it_anyway

I think you're saying that you've identified a pattern of reactions and behaviours you have in relationships and you're not sure where those come from or why you enact them. Or have the things you've done in each relationship been different?

I'm also wondering if you could say more about the intense, almost painful, closeness you feel to a partner versus your need for mental separateness.

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Robin

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she_who_questions
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Hi Robin,

I guess what I mean about the dynamic being misread is this: I often flirt and become very conversationally intimate with guys without necessarily wanting to pursue a physical relationship with them. They tend to think I'm being suggestive, but I don't don't step over the line and initiate anything more substantial. I may even find them physically intriguing, but I still don't usually want sex per se. After a while though, I feel guilty for not giving people what they want or expect from me.

To me, it feels like a weird denial of reality to ignore the fact that many of my friend(s) are of the opposite sex. I enjoy discussing attraction, the nuances between men and women, and playing with categories. It's really conversational exploration in my eyes.

Admittedly, I do sometimes know how to make people find me attractive via verbal interactions, and I have a tendency to exercise or practice that on occasion (although I generally try to keep it in check).

As far as the "intense, painful" closeness...I adore my friends and partners (usually the line is somewhat blurred) to the point where I really invest myself in their lives. I appreciate their thinking, find them uniquely beautiful, want them to succeed, and will do most anything to help them see past their hindrances. It sometimes takes a lot from me, and I know that I need to monitor that because it can be unhealthy if taken too far. I feel like each one of my friends/partners understands me well, although aspects of my personality resonate in different ways with different people).

When I say heaviness I just mean awe, appreciation, and love. It weighs heavily on me because I really treasure these people. I don't find true connections as often as I'd like.

My need for mental separate-ness refers both to the sexual sphere and to my broader interactions. I have this need to maintain my perspective and sort of compose myself, especially in the midst of situations wherein I've been close with someone (either sexually or in conversation). I just feel more comfortable having assured myself that I am still here, that I haven't totally become one with someone else. I feel myself under threat I guess, and I want to keep some elements of me to myself. The enforcement mechanisms almost feel arbitrary... I don't want all of my world known. I am willing to get very close with people, but after a point one starts to lose touch with his/her own beliefs and thoughts.

My habits are odd, I guess. I've always preferred sleeping alone and I prefer to shower after sex and be by myself.

I just really want to want someone fully, both physically and mentally. I don't want sex to feel like it's compromising my mental sanctity.

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Heather
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I'm just stepping in here, but I'm not hearing "odd" in a lot of what you're describing. I'm mostly seeing what sounds like a desire for some healthy boundaries.

I also am not sure I understand the idea of being flirtatious as some sort of promise to be sexual with someone, or as something that, when it happens, should lead anyone involved to have the expectation of any kind of sex. Flirting, by the most general definition, is merely someone expressing some kind of romantic or sexual feeling or interest. Whether or not that expression leads to anything besides that expression? That's always up for grabs.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Thanks, it helps to hear that. I just think that I'm still sort of shaky when it comes to being aware of my own needs and wants...they're hard for me to recognize and act on. My first relationship really separated me from myself, and I had to fight to put everything back together.

Don't you feel like flirting can be misleading though? Or is unacceptable in some cases? I'm not sure how much responsibility I bear for confusing people. Not sure whether they're reading their desires into my words excessively, assuming that a sexual or romantic relationship is the status quo, etc.

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Heather
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Misleading in that someone might presume something about the other person or their wants that isn't so?

Sure, I guess, but I'd say that any interaction between people can be misleading in that way. And it's not like we can control what people presume, or like it's okay for people not to get each other clearly in every other area of life, but we have to try to somehow magically project exactly what we want to someone if it's about sex or romance.

For sure, just like with any kind of interaction or communication we have with someone, we want to make efforts to communicate well, to be honest and truthful in our communications, and not to be overly obtuse.

But what I hear you saying is that is someone assumes you want sex with them and you don't, because you were flirting with them, you've reneged on some kind of deal. To me, unless the flirtation involved you putting clearly out there that you were inviting them to do what it is they want to with you, that's not sound. heck, even in that event, it still wouldn't be sound for them to expect some kind of sexual delivery, because people can always change their minds and have the right to.

Do you have a sense of where this worry is coming from? Is it coming from you, from your head, or coming from interactions where someone has expressed that they expected sex they didn't get from an interaction with you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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I guess people just think I'm more interested than I am. I really can't identify where that worry about "reneging on a deal" comes from... maybe my head? I do feel an overwhelming sense of guilt as a result of guys sometimes. They start to want to be with me because I'm playful and am pretty focused in the way that I care (more so than most people). And I hate to be the cause of pain for anybody, so I kind of go along with it sometimes. It feels like a spineless sort of habit I guess. But I really do love these people just for the fact that they're beautiful human beings.
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Heather
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Can I ask why you think that someone not being interested in sex with us when we have an interest in sex with them is something that causes pain?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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I just know that rejection hurts a lot. And it often brings up questions of worth that no one should ever ask themselves. It's a road to misery.
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Heather
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Might you be projecting?

I mean, here's the thing: we really can't always get what we want. And often in life, we won't. As a pretty regular thing.

Not winding up having sex with someone we had a passing flirtation with really should NOT be something tremendously painful for most well-adjusted people with some kind of perspective about life. It just really is quite low down the totem pole of things that hurt in life most of the time.

And it's also part and parcel of sex and sexuality. Even when we connect with a sexual partner and we're really into each other, with quite a lot of regularity, we're going to want to be sexual when they're not sometimes and vice-versa. If that's horribly painful, rather than mostly just a bummer we get over pretty easily, then that probably suggests, I'd say, someone who perhaps doesn't have the basic resilience and perspective a person needs to have healthy sexual interactions with other people.

I really think framing not pursing sex with someone when they want it with you as something that "brings up questions of worth that no one should ever ask themselves," or as "a road to misery," sounds like WAAAAAAAAAY overloading this to me.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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I probably am projecting a bit. I don't feel that way anymore, but I know that I was in a relationship before where I questioned my worth a lot and it wrecked me. No, I wasn't the healthiest of people then, but that was the result of a lot of external (as well as internal factors). I guess I just know that a lot of people out there are like the old me. Cameron, in many ways, was like the old me.

I try to err on the side of liberal overloading when it comes to other people's potential feelings. I realize that I should probably just get more comfortable with boundaries. It's just hard.

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Heather
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Well, we also need to understand that we need to let people own their own stuff.

For example, if Cameron didn't have the emotional stability to get involved with you, that's something HE needed to check and make clear, and then make decisions around. For me, this is one of the things that differentiates a partnership from a parent-child relationship. Trying to own his stuff in that way is more like being his parent than his partner.

The same goes, I'd say, with people and sex. If people have the emotional wherewithal and maturity to consider having sex with someone else, then they have those things to make decisions about if even pursuing that -- which includes always being open to people's no's -- is something they have the ability to do and handle.

Of course, if and when someone doesn't seem to be doing these kinds of things well for themselves and *you* have the impression they're not able to handle this stuff, then for sure, that's where you walk away and make your choice about not taking part in that. But ultimately, it's not up to you, or even in your power, to make these kinds of assessments about someone else for them.

As I understand it, your previous relationship was unhealthy, or even emotionally abusive? If so, I don't think applying how you felt in a framework like that to healthy, nonabusive relationships is sound. They're apples and oranges, you know?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Just a thought, but maybe what seems like a propensity to project your own stuff unto others in this department, and even some codependence is part of WHY you're feeling the need to work harder on setting good boundaries for yourself?

In other words, you don't feel totally like it's okay for you to do that, even though it's essential in healthy relationships, but it might be you need to do that even more so because of what seems like trouble you have separating other people from yourself.

(That was a little less clear than I'd liked for it to have been, so if it was too obtuse, give a holler, and I'll have another go at it.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Yes, I think what you say is right. My first relationship involved a lot of boundary busting and the development of codependency. We were both 18 when it started, and soon after that his father committed suicide. Tom had some other family and personal problems, and refused to seek counseling after the tragedy. I was the only person he would talk to in-depth about the situation, so I became like his counselor/lover/friend/family. He told me once that, had it not been for me, he would've hung himself. The whole thing was much too heavy for me to deal with alone. But at the time, I didn't know how else to approach the situation. I thought if I didn't help Tom, something awful would happen.

Even after multiple breakups and nearly 4 years, he still tries to keep a foothold in my life. I've really had to fight to separate myself from all of it. It's been hard to get any closure.

I think it's true that I tend to project my past mindsets onto other people to an extent, but it's usually not without some evidence. With Cameron, I recognized initially that he was in a bad place. He was angry, really competitive, insecure, somewhat depressed. He picked verbal fights with everyone and effectively isolated himself. As my teammate, he was having trouble deciding whether to leave the national service program. To me he seemed like he just wanted someone to listen to him and show that they gave a shit. Which is what I did. I tried to give him things to consider before he made his decision, and in the process of getting to know him, learned a lot about his past and ways of thinking. He said he'd been ostracized for most of his life, had had to deal with his mom's rage problems, had few real friends, etc. When he seemed frustrated with the rest of our team, I tried to help him come up with more productive ways of communicating.

I tried to be cautious in getting to know him because I had the sense that he might start to view me as a lifeline, more than a friend, more than a sounding board. Gradually he seemed to even out a lot and become much better at reciprocal communication, especially with me. But from the beginning, that sort of unequal foundation was laid (albeit unintentionally). It became hard to deviate from that gradient, although both of us really tried. It didn't help that he's 4 years younger than me. As we got closer and romantic feelings developed, I would always try to explain what I saw as potential obstacles to the relationship... However, it was hard for him to see where I was coming from because I was basing my concerns off of things that were outside of his experience.

Aside from the unequal footing and our different places in life, I was beginning to get the sense that our relationship was unhealthy for other reasons. Cam became sort of fixated on it, never needing or wanting free time, always staying by my side. He was always pushing his idea of relationship progression, making me feel guilty for holding back or taking time. And he would often make me seem somewhat pathological for not wanting to commit. (I'm still debating whether that last counts as boundary-busting behavior or him just calling it as he sees it). Also, he seemed to get really insecure when I would withdraw even slightly.

So, getting back to the present, that's a large part of why I suggested that Cam and I take time apart. I also realize that I'm having trouble distinguishing what I want/feel about the relationship from what he wants/feels... I sense that I've started to think of his desired outcome as the "right" outcome. Not okay if the assessment isn't really mine... But then again I don't know. I'm trying really hard to separate it all out.

It's troubling that this pattern (involving codependency and boundary issues) is emerging in my life, no matter how conscientious I try to be. I just feel like I need to find some traction for my thoughts or else I will go nuts. I can't seem to identify or accept what I actually feel/think about anything. Maybe I'm exaggerating but I really have no clue where to start. It's like trying to determine the smallest particle of matter...you keep cracking open the particle you thought was "smallest" and finding more components inside.

Finally, I agree with what you said about not projecting my past experiences onto healthy people and healthy dynamics because the framework doesn't apply. On a conscious level, I know this. I just worry that I'm always undermining myself indirectly, in ways I'm not even aware of.

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Heather
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I'm packing it in for the night, and I don't want to rush a response to you. This is a lot of new information, and I'd like to give it the time and consideration it deserves.

I have a dentists appointment in the morning, but I'll be back early afternoon and I'll be sure to respond to you then.

In the meantime, I wonder if you might take some time to think about -- and post about, if you like -- how you feel being single right now, just as a thing: the thing of being a single person outside a romantic relationship. Relieved? Excited? Happy? Fearful? Worried? Sad? Neutral?

Your feelings about that might be a part of the big picture of all of this, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Thanks for taking the time to talk through this with me. I don't normally ask for emotional/relationship advice from people I know; pretty often they give responses that are overly forceful or biased (based on their respective places in life). Kind of goes along with the boundaries theme, in a weird way.

Since yesterday I've been thinking about what you asked. Here are some phrases and words that occur to me about being a single person right now. (FYI: This is not how I always feel about being single or my general view of single-dom. It's just right now, in the wake of the relationship with Cam).
1. Fragile--like a vessel whose structural integrity feels slightly threatened by the vibrations of the world
2. Deeply sad, but not in an expressible or quantifiable way. Not even in a distinctly visible way.
3. Confused
4. Relieved not to be a continuing cause of hurt and confusion to someone I care about
5. Anxious/tense--seems like I'm on the edge of some introspective revelation but can't quite get there
6. Nostalgic
7. Being single is a familiar feeling for me, too. So it's like returning to my remote pilgrimage, only I am heavier with experience and memory.

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Robin Lee
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HI She Who Questions:

It's pretty common for people to not want to get relationship advice from people they know in their everyday lives. Some people would probably do well not to seek advice from friends, family, coworkers, etc. [Smile] Those responses you mention of either being too biased by their own experiences or too forceful about what they think the advisee hshould do are pretty common.

So, looking at the list above, what does the overall ppicture tell you? I have a few thoughts, but would like to hear what you have to say first, if that works for you. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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she_who_questions
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Hi Robin,

I'm really not sure that the overall picture tells me much. I mean, it looks like most people's after a breakup, whether it was one that happened for good reasons or bad. Heather and I had a pretty long thread going there about boundaries and delineating thoughts/feelings; I think she was asking the question based on that perspective. Not sure how to read myself from the lens of boundaries.

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Heather
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Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you yesterday, she_who_questions. We had our car crap out on us in the city yesterday, and it took some doing to get back to our rural home.

Want to pick up again today?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Sorry to hear about your car troubles! That's never fun... Hope everything is fixed or in the process of getting fixed at least.

If you're able to, I would like to continue today. I understand that this is kind of an abstract discussion and that it's been somewhat time consuming for you. So if other things need to be addressed or you're getting too busy just let me know and we can resume at a later point. I get the sense that this isn't something that will be resolved overnight. And I know that a lot of the other message board postings are more pressing since they involve physical/sexual/emotional crises.

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Heather
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I'm absolutely available for you today. I'll be around through the holidays, period.

Why don't you pick a starting place for us today?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Well I kind of wanted to hear where you were going when you asked for my thoughts about being single. I really couldn't self-analyze the results very well within the context of our earlier conversation.

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately so I'm trying to get out and do things and be productive. I'm having a very hard time getting adjusted to a normal life since the national service program ended. I went from working 60 hrs a week and living/working with the same 8 people (they became like my second family) for 10 months. Now I'm home again with my parents, no job until the end of January, with my teammates scattered across the country. I feel like I worked to create a world for myself and now I'm totally distanced from it. The break with Cam (my closest teammate) was sort of the final element of that.

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Heather
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I was just trying to get a sense of how much, if any of our feelings, might be about being single in general, and being OUT of a codependent situation. One of the core things about codependence is that people who tend to wind up in it often don't know how to be outside of it.

But, looking at that list you made, I feel like I'm looking at what I'd figure is pretty typical for someone just newly coping with any breakup, so it doesn't look -- to me -- like this probably has a lot to do with apprehension about being single.

By all means, that change around work and your community sounds seriously major! That's a huge change. Are you in touch with any of your other former teammates at all?

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she_who_questions
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I've been in touch with most of them, off and on, since we left each other in November. I miss them really badly, especially on days like this. It's hard for me to make real connections without continued exposure to the same people. It takes me forever to open up.

I went out last night with a friend from my hometown and, like most of my hangouts since I've gotten back, it was kind of unfulfilling. It just feels like I have to try hard to find common ground, whereas with Cam I was incredibly comfortable and could say anything.

I do worry that I might not find another friendship or relationship like that anytime soon. It's a daunting and scary prospect.

I'm trying to settle into the idea that my relationship with Cam was more companionate than passionate, and that that was why I broke it off (since he clearly felt an unequal level of passion for me). But I wonder if it could've developed into something really great had I given physical stuff more of a shot. We rarely had privacy because of the team-based nature if our situation. I did feel a certain attraction to him, and often wished we had a better environment.

Can't tell whether I used the communal environment and short-term nature of the program as covers/excuses for a lack of passion on my part. I hope not. I just feel really guilty and uncertain about how this all went down. I hate the idea of us never being able to interact like we did before, of never being able to try again. Why would that be, if I never loved him in a romantic way?

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she_who_questions
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I know some of this will take time to boil down, but I just feel tortured about it right now. I know it's especially obvious at the moment since I have little else going on, but my mind won't let me settle on an easy answers.
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Heather
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Do you have any ongoing friendships -- not sexual or romantic relationships -- with people that are close?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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she_who_questions
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I have a couple of solid friendships with people in my hometown. (Solid in the sense that we have similar goals for ourselves and a pretty good understanding of one another). I've been going to intellectual meetup groups, trying to incorporate some new faces into my life. But I don't have the same ability to be free with these people, to show them all sides of myself, to be fully comfortable etc. We haven't gone through the same level of crap together. I feel like a veteran coming home after a tour of duty or something. Just to give you an idea, myself and another teammate broke bones during our service year and had to recover with only the help of our teammates, in really minimal housing. We camped for 6 weeks straight at one point. We mucked and gutted homes together. We shared one van. W did trail maintenance in the hot sun, painted houses, had to eat less than normal. The team was the most important thing in the world to all of us, in different ways. Cam was the closest one to me though.
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Heather
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Well, for sure, if added to all of that kind of bonding you had with everyone, you also had a romantic and sexual relationship, then that's intimacy on top of intimacy. I'd expect that to be the person you felt closest to.

I often think of the kind of social experience you're talking about with your teammates as something akin to being part of a tribe, in the most core sense of the word. And those kinds of relationships, for sure, tend to be pretty unparalleled by other kinds. If nothing else, we'll tend to feel closer to people more quickly in situations like that than we will when we're getting to know people in others: intimacy tends to take longer to get to in "normal" life situations and interactions.

(Normal is a crummy word for that, but hopefully you get the gist.)

Do you think that you can come to terms with that? Understand that outside situations like those, it's going to take more time to get and feel close to people and to develop more intimacy?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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she_who_questions
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On a conscious level I understand that I need to have patience, be comfortable with myself for the time being, keep trying, focus on future plans etc. I get that the world is not designed to provide constant contact with others. But on another level I'm absolutely panicking.
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Heather
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Well, we can certainly have constant contact with others if that's something we want. I don't think not having deep intimacy very immediately or quickly with people is really about that.

How about perhaps thinking about putting more effort in the friendships you have so that they can become closer, and so you can start to have more of the kinds of relationships in your life that are more similar to the ones you had with your teammates?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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When you say you're panicking, by the way, do you mean you're panicking about being in your own company more?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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she_who_questions
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Yea I've always had this vague sense of hollowness when left to my own mind for too long. Just a kind of persistent melancholy that seems to go with my personality. Back in college I used to get pretty depressed because studying required a lot of time alone and hindered my ability to change my surroundings and make sweeping choices, etc. Before AmeriCorps, I got to a point where I was okay in my own company... Not great, but relatively positive and able to keep things in perspective.
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Heather
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Do you like yourself?

I know that's like the most vague question of ever, but if you can just go with your gut and give me some sense of that, I think it might help us out here.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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