I've been at college for over a month now (due to an early program), and during that time I've gained about 10 pounds. Before I gained that weight, I wanted to lose about 10 pounds, so now I guess I technically want to lose 20. I wasn't at an unhealthy weight before (and I'm still not, even now after I've gained weight), but I felt like I could've been trimmer. Anyway, I've started to lose some weight since the time I gained it (due to watching what I eat and exercising), but I feel like I shouldn't be engaging in sexual activities until I'm happy with how my body looks. My mom said she didn't notice my weight gain when she saw me (she actually thought I lost weight and was worried that I wasn't eating enough), but I don't feel comfortable with my body right now.
The bottom line: It just really upsets me that I currently don't feel "sexy" enough or pretty enough in my own skin to do anything sexual with anyone. Has anyone else ever felt this way before?
It is absolutely normal to gain 10-15 pounds in your freshman year. Your body is going through just as many changes as you are - you're getting up early and going to bed later, eating a different diet of foods, and are probably preoccupied with lots of other things besides watching what you eat - like homework and friends!
I'm sure if your mom didn't notice a change in how you look, and if you say your weight beforehand wasn't unhealthy, you probably don't look different to anyone (of course, you might "feel" different now that you know you'd gained that weight - did you notice it before you weighed yourself?). You'll lose it just by walking around campus and when you're out and about! I really wouldn't worry about it.
Yes, I have felt the same way, definitely! If not about my weight, then about something else... I think it's entirely natural to be self-conscious about any part of our bodies, and if you don't want to engage in any sexual activities now, then you definitely don't have to and you can wait; but I'm sure you look great! "You yourself are your worst critic (that's what my mom always says)," so I'm honestly sure that a lot of this is in your head (how you view yourself now) and not how others see you. Try not to feel so bad... This kind of thing happens all the time! So many of my friends and I went through weight stuff during university! Please don't feel upset about this - it's so common, and you're already doing something productive about it.
How is school going? Do you like your classes? Any other info you'd like to tell us? Lol, I haven't bugged you in a while, so I apologize for the many questions! I hope you're doing well!
-------------------- "I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can) Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012
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Yeah, I'm sure people haven't noticed the weight gain too much, but I definitely notice it. I actually did notice before I weighed myself, because I wasn't able to fit into one of my pairs of jeans and some of my shorts.
The thing is, it's not that I don't desire to engage in sexual activities (on multiple occasions I've wanted to), it's more that I feel like I shouldn't since I don't feel confident enough about my body and I feel less attractive as a result. I'll try not to be so down on myself, but it's really hard considering all the other girls here are so skinny and in shape. Frankly, I've run into a lot of girls here who are pretty hot and I even see Casey sometimes; she's still friendly as usual.
School's going well, but it's pretty busy. I'm in a string ensemble now and an acapella group! I really like the people in the acapella group, and I found out that one of my friends is gonna be in the same instrumental ensemble as me.
Other info I'd like to tell you? Well, there was this one guy (let's call him Andrew) I met who I thought was super cute (during a short week-long program here) and we would have conversations about politics, religion, music and randomness and I felt like there was a connection (even though we respectfully differed in our political and religious views). Then, at the end of the program, we were at a party with the rest of the people in our group and I was so tempted to make-out with him, but then I stopped myself for fear of him not finding me attractive enough and 'cause I didn't want to make him feel awkward. Well, it turns out at the end of the program, he decided to start dating a girl in our group (let's call her Clarissa); let me tell you, she makes size 0 look fat. It's crazy! The real kicker here is that now, Andrew seems to be pretty awkward around me whenever we run into each other alone (that awkwardness wasn't there before) and Clarissa seems awkward around me whenever she and I run into each other (or if she sees me while she's with Andrew). I don't know if she senses that there was something there between Andrew and I, but I've pretty much moved on past him anyway (read: plenty of other cute fish in the sea ).
Don't apologize for the questions! We haven't caught up in a while, and you know I don't mind talking to you.
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