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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Sexual Needs So Suddenly?

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Author Topic: Sexual Needs So Suddenly?
Alergnon
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I'm going through horrible withdraw, my head is literally spinning. I get the hormones could be a factor and that all humans are sexual beings. It's driving me up the wall, I can't contain myself. I can't, it's to abnormal for me. It hasn't been 3 weeks since I last had sex, I'm going crazy. Since this has started, started 3 nights ago, were I had to do something about it, and masturbated but it isn't the same as sex.

My day is full of things, I wake up between 7:30am-8:30am and eat breakfast, then start work at 10am till 4pm or 5pm, then have dinner. During the evening either I'm relaxing talking with friends online, going for nature walks, or I'm out with my cousin. Then I go to bed. How can I possibly have these strong sexual needs when I'm busy majority of the day?

My first week living with my cousin, we were downtown and I witnessed a girl, younger than I am, talk to a taxi driver, but he seemed confused and was yelling, then she pulled herself off the car and started to walk, she walked past with 4 inch heels and the car drove at a fast rate beside her and she just opened the door and he drove off, passing through a yellow light. At that moment I wanted to be her. Maybe she didn't ask for sex, honestly, what taxi driver yells at someone and then speeds up and stops and lets them in?

Last week I spent 3 hours looking for therapy covered, there wasn't any. They only had short term counseling, I'm not going to a counselor, especially short term.

I feel fine, I'm not having any break downs or depressive moments. I take my medicine every night. What the hell is going on with my body and the sexual needs so suddenly?

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Robin Lee
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Has this ever happened for you before?

I'm not quite sure what you mean by how can you have these strong sexual needs when you're so busy. Could you say more about what you mean by that?

Having sexual needs really can be a physical thing; some people experience up-surges in libido at certain times in their menstrual cycle.

There's nothing wrong with you, as I think you know, for having these strong sexual needs. Since you' are having them, I'm wondering about how able you feel to make healthy decisions for any sexual activity you do choose were you to choose to engage in it.

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Robin

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Alergnon
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Yes, it has happened to me before. Doesn't happen very often due to being depressed and down and not really feeling anything. I remember months on end where I never felt sexual desires. For the past couple months sometimes it is there slightly at times, I try to make myself aroused and nothing did nothing.

What I mean is when I'm having these strong sexual desires while busy, it comes out of nowhere, then I entertain the thoughts, but then I stop that and continue my work. I don't think about sex while working, I'm focused on my work, what I need to get done, most of the time I am multitasking while working and then these sexual desires come out of nowhere. I'm not looking at sexual content, my work is business. All today I did the same thing for 5-6hours straight with a lunch break.

When does, "up-surges in libido," happen? My period should be here at the end of this week or early next week if I'm not pregnant, which I doubt and I'm not concerned about that.

I'm not going to have any sexual activity any time soon, I don't know anyone where I'm living only my cousin, which I'm living with.

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Sans
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Hey, Alergnon. [Smile]

Are these sexual desires distracting/distressing for you when they come up while you work?

I agree with Robin regarding the fact that sexual needs can be a physical thing. I personally experience "up-surges in libido" at various points in my menstrual cycle. I think that I usually experience these surges several days before my period arrives and one week after my period ends.

So these surges are regular occurrences for me, actually.

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

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Alergnon
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Sometimes, yes, they are distracting/distressing for me while I am working. I need to be focused and inline while working. I have to get things done for that day, today, worked 5-6 hours with a hour off for lunch, working on the same thing, I'm almost finished. My employer (cousin) e-mailed me more things to add to the list spread sheet I did, which consists of 94 by 4 lines of information I had to gather and I have to add to that list tomorrow. So yes it is distracting me when my sexual desires come up during work where I have to work hard and fast in order to finish on time, I can't focus on other things, and sexual desires isn't one of them while I am working.
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Alergnon
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Also, I had to do a ton of research for that spread sheet. I also, ensure her business is getting updates, like twitter/facebook I have to post quotes a few times daily.
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Robin Lee
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Hey Alergnon,

In some ways, sexual feelings are like anything else our body does, such as being hungry, being thirsty, needing to go to the bathroom, etc. There are a lot of differences, of course, but for many people there is just that basic biological urge. [Smile] I mention that to say that it isn't all that different for a sexual urge to come out of no where when you haven't been thinking about sex, than for, say, hunger to just come out of nowhere.

It also sounds like things are a lot more secure for you than they have been in a long, long time. It sounds like you're feeling safe, many of your practical needs are being met. Given this, I imagine that some of your depression has probably lifted, which biochemically and emotionally leaves more room for feeling sexual feelings.

None of this helps actually make them go away, since it does sound like they're distracting to you, but perhaps it helps to accept them, to see them as normal rather than weird.

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Robin

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Alergnon
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Yes, things are more secure for me, haven't felt that for a long time.

I think this is normal feelings because I don't remember or recall feeling 'home sick' before. I don't know how to describe it other than this tugging sickness feeling in my stomach, like a knot. My body feels detached from my heart and head. I know it's normal to feel 'home sick' but this is different, I've never felt 'home sickness' before, maybe when I was a child. I miss my home town, friends and Church- they're my family. I haven't felt this feeling from my knowledge before. When I moved out at 16, I never had a real home, I started to finally adapt last fall, I finally called it my home after 2 years living in the city. Then I moved 11 1/2 hours away for work and I'm feeling utterly sick. It's hasn't been a full month, I've been here a little over 2 weeks.

I love it here, I enjoy my job. Moving back isn't a possibility at this point, I don't want to go back on Government Assist and look for a place, it's this feeling 'home sick,' that is bugging me.

Sorry if I went off topic, just didn't want to re-start a new thread.

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Sans
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Hey, Alergnon. Yeah, transitioning, moving to, and getting used to living in a new place is difficult. It's totally understandable why you would feel homesick and miss the city where you lived. I've moved about 6 times in the last 11 years, and trust me, I missed my old home every time I move to a new place. One of these transitions was immigrating from China to Canada, and that was by far the most difficult for me.

My best advice would be to give it time. You've only been here at your new place for 2 weeks. Homesickness is not something that we can simply "get over", you know what I mean? We need time to transition and adapt to our new home. So be patient with yourself, give it time, and hopefully eventually you won't feel so homesick anymore. [Smile]

I'm really glad that things are more secure for you, and that you are enjoying your new environment and your job. [Smile]

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

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Alergnon
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Thank You Sans.

Yea, it will get better once time flies by, it's busy at work and will be even more busier than ever soon.

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Heather
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Just saw this thread, and like we've talked about before, Algernon, given your history and things you have expressed before, I still strongly suspect you do have some sexual compulsivity issues to work out, and some things you can tend to either avoid or supress via sex, or try to do with sex that sex isn't actually that great for doing.

So, I do hope that in your new place, you'll both find a way to keep up with therapy and also be sure to really work with a therapist around some of these feelings and issues.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Alergnon
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Yes, I will look into finding a therapist, work has been busy which will get even busier soon, I will make time during work to search for a therapist or on my lunch break. I have looked before didn't find much, but I will look tomorro I would look now I'm on my cell and cousin is sleeping on the couch, don't want to bother her.

Thank You.

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Alergnon
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It's degrading, really degrading. I love it here, I love my job/work I do for my cousin. Just, my friend is bugging and nagging me about going to Disney World, and she wants me to ask my cousin to take a week off. I tried to explain to her that my work is going to get extremely busy in a week or few days for at least 2 months. I asked her if we could go in October but I didn't know for sure. She always asks me this. I'd rather just talk to her, rather than just one thing. Then my other friend, he is never online, at all, I mean he goes to bed really really late and gets up past noon, I even invited him to come online so we could talk, that is hard. He comes on when I am leaving, and I've been on for a few hours. Or he comes online, says, "hey," I say hey back then he tells me he will be right back, and a few minutes go by, he still isn't back, I'm not waiting around for him when I have to go places or help my cousin, he replies back a few hours back.

There is NO one to talk to beside my cousin. I do go out with her to her friends sometimes, but I still don't know her friends. Last night her and I went to her friends house, it was fun to get out talk to new people, I had some really great conversations with her friend, it's not that I'm not talking to people and interacting with them, it's just I've known my friends for about 5 years, they know me best and I know them best.

I can't even talk to them about the work I do, how they are, or what they have been up to, and if that conversation does come up- doesn't last long.

It's just really sad. I've expressed this to my one friend, he isn't really, talking, I told him, "its sad, Okay really f**king sad!" and he replied with, "yea." Nothing else! What am I suppose to do? I am trying, I talk and not a conversation gets back to me.

:'(

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Alergnon
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I just told my guy friend he shouldn't be talking to me if he keeps telling himself he can't start a conversation or talk online, told him he needs to stop telling himself that his mind is the problem. I'm sick of him using excusing for his "mind" he needs to stop using negative talk/thoughts that he can't talk because he is capable of talking. Told him he is wasting my time hearing him tell me he can't start a conversation with me or what to talk about. Told him he can't be talking to me if he tells himself that then tells me, so told him till he is ready to talk for him to e-mail me.

Was I being harsh? I get it was a bit harsh, it's honest, he needs to stop telling himself he can't talk when he is capable of talking. I just shoved someone to talk to out, I just can't put up with someone that is there then tells me he will be right back, and hours he returns and I'm gone and receive the message when I return. I can't waste my time to ask someone to talk or have a conversation with me online openly without difficulties.

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Robin Lee
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It sounds like you're starting to grow away from your friends, to have a different life and have different expectations for the way you interact. This isn't fun, I know, but does happen in friendships, particularly when people's lives change really rapidly. It's sometimes natural to grow apart.

It sounds like you're intrested in building some more rewarding friendships.

What do you think you could do to start doing that?

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Robin

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Alergnon
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I don't know anyone but my cousin and some of her friends, which are older, that are in their 40's and 50's. My cousin wants me to get out more and to learn the bus route, which is a very very good idea. Maybe getting out would be good. The only two things that would get me interacted to others are; go to a bar and/or movie theater I could go and find a library, I would go to a College here, but I'm taking a year off. I could try those.
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Robin Lee
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Sometimes coffee shops can be good places too.

If you're planning to find a church in the city you're in now, you could try to find one with a young adults' group.

Did you want to talk about the interaction you had with your friend who says he can't talk to you online? I apologize for skipping right over that. I wasn't clear on whether you were sharing the story or wanted to talk specifically about it.

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Robin

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Alergnon
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Yea, he sent me an e-mail then I sent one back with questions. I just want to be able to talk to him, and him making excusing not to talk to me, so I told him when he is ready to talk to me for him to e-mail me, then I sent one back with some questions.

At this point I'm not sure how to feel, other things are going on at the moment with my health. I'm going to a walk-in-clinic to get checked. Having pain in my right side and stomach. It sucks, me I just want it to disappear.

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Alergnon
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Can a urine test, when doctors put that strip in and that, well I was at the end of my period and it showed positive for blood. The urine also looked very dark and red/brown, the doctor said I'm dehydrated and didn't seem to care about my pain in my lower right back and front area. All she did was ask me if I've injured or fell recently, I said no. Then she told me to stand up and she pressed on my back sides and said, "oh, you really have a muscle spasm a really bad one." I was confused, I mean she just felt my back, never felt pain. She told me I need to see a massage therapist and go to Physio. I'm like really confused, "ugh, Physio?" she didn't say much but told me she is getting me some medicine for it. So, now I have to waste my time going to these people, waste my money for something a doctor just felt? I mean, she didn't do any blood work or anything. So I left, told my cousin and she marched me back in to see the doctor. She even felt the doctor misdiagnosed me. So my cousin is calling her Chiropractor and see if he can give me a free consult/diagnoses. So, I took those muscle relaxants and put a heating pad on my back, only thing I got from it was how the heat felt nice. It still hurts, nothing has changed. Then, the doctor did a urine sample after my cousin told her to.

My question is can your end of menstrual cycle blood be so bloody and you can see it in the cup?

Any advice of anything? I just don't know. I told the doctor when I pee it lasts longer than normal, I mean I pee 30sec, usually it's way less than that. My cousin said if the heat pad and muscle pills haven't helped she is taking me back to another clinic. She doesn't want to abuse the system, either do I but I just have to wait and see.

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