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Author Topic: A question for Heather
WesLuck
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I know we've spoken about polyamory before, and how it's not a good idea to bring up the possibility in a regular situation. What I'm wondering though is, would it be reasonable to seek people out through a trusted local polyamory web-site or forum, for people looking for a closed triad?

Also, I'm a pretty easy-going person, and I am happy in my own skin. I think I would have no trouble handling a relationship within a relationship that didn't include me, and handling two relationships at a time, and to be able to handle other people's criticism of a different relationship setup. Obviously I would want to get to know people a reasonable amount before I met them, as is only sensible with meeting people through the internet.

What are your thoughts on this matter? Do you think a closed triad is a workable setup for someone in their early thirties? Or would I need to be open to the possibility of an open relationship?

[ 06-20-2012, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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Alice
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As she said in this post, Heather will be here less often in the coming weeks. So feel free to either sit tight until she's available or open your question up for general discussion.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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WesLuck
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No rush, I don't mind waiting.
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Heather
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I don't think someone's age or where they seek out relationships in terms of this is going to tell us anything useful.

Ultimately, three people who want a closed triad would need to be three people who wanted that, and specifically wanted that with each other.

That could work or not work, but it really all depends on the individuals involved. And without knowing who all three of those people are, how they interact with each other, and what they all wants, as well as how they all manage that relationship, I don't know how we could even guess at whether or not it'd be a good fit for those folks.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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WesLuck
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That makes sense, thanks.
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WesLuck
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I have looked at that book I mentioned in my previous thread, and while I think the idea and erotic pictures of three-in-a-bed turn me on quite a bit, in practicality it is about the individuals in a relationship and not the kind of relationship itself. For example, a fantastic couple relationship is better than a poor closed triad relationship, and also that if there is a poor couple relationship then adding a third person would likely make it worse, even if the second person said they wanted to add someone else.

Basically, it is about the individuals and the way they relate together that is important. While I must admit I like the idea of a great closed triad with two women, if I can have a great sexual relationship with just one woman I would be quite happy. [Smile] But if they wanted to try a closed triad, I would be willing to try it out if we could find a suitable third person. [Smile]

Just so I know we're on the same page, Heather do you understand my reasoning above? Thanks for your discussion and insight you have given me on this topic, previously and in future.

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WesLuck
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When you've got some time and like to answer, that'd be great. (Sorry for using an abbreviation that I don't think officially exists [Wink] ).

[ 07-08-2012, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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Heather
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Hey, Wes. I'm not feeling sure of what exactly you're asking, unless it's simply something to the effect of "Can all models of relationships in terms of honest exclusivity or a lack thereof be healthy or unhealthy, good or bad, based not on the model but the relationship and people in it itself?"

If that is what you're asking, then yes, of course. If not, I might need some clarification.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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WesLuck
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Yes, that's what I meant. [Smile] That it's basically about what suits and works with all the people in the relationship that's important. It was just nice to have that affirmed, since you have much more experience of different types of intimate relationships than I have. I'm pretty close to starting out, but what I've learnt about myself over the last decade or so has enabled me to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I don't think I've missed out on much. Also, since I'm heterosexual the only type of closed triad I could have is with two women who were both bisexual themselves and everyone got on with each other. What I'm doing at the moment is looking for a partner, and I'll only consider other options if they come up as opportunities later on. Fewer really good relationships is better than lots of poor ones, so I'll just see how it goes and take it from there. [Smile]

[ 07-09-2012, 03:32 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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