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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Going to college (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Going to college
MusicNerd
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Hi! So, I will be a freshman this year at a large liberal arts college and I have just come from a small liberal arts high school. I want to have some safe casual sex (pill + condoms) while I'm single and I don't really see myself in a relationship at the moment. I'm not saying that I would be opposed to a monogamous relationship in the future (still with pill + condoms, but without condoms after we’re tested for STDs and if the results are negative), it's just that for now I want to be single.

At my high school I was known as a nerd (don't worry, I think of "nerd" as a positive word for "smart" and "interested in science/obscure music/math/something awesome") who hung out with other nerds and who never even had a boyfriend.

I get mixed messages from my mom with her saying things like, “Everyone says you’re so classy” and "Good girls can have sex too" and "It's okay to have the occasional one-night stand", but then I've heard her say, “It’s okay if you wear that outfit because I know you’re not a ‘slut’ (a term she uses for both men and women)” and she talked to me disapprovingly about a single man she knew who has had sex with multiple women by calling him a "ho". This confusion kinda puts pressure on me to maintain this inexperienced-nerd façade.

Even though I try to deny it to myself, I'm afraid of being slut-shamed at college since I strongly desire to have some safe casual sex with guys.

I understand that socially it's a lose-lose-lose situation for women: you're a "prude" if you don't have sex, a "slut" if you do and a “tease” if you look sexy but don’t have sex. I resent all of those hurtful terms, I realize that I can decide what to do with my body and I shouldn't need anyone else's approval of what I decide to do with it, but I just can't let go of this irrational fear (who ever said fear was rational?) that girls will hate me and guys won’t ever want to go out with me when I desire to have a monogamous relationship in the future.

I don’t plan on advertising my sex life, nor do I plan on sleeping with someone different every night (though I don’t judge anyone who chooses to do so safely and consensually), but if the mutual chemistry’s there, the timing’s right and we’re both single, then I’d like to pursue a sexual encounter.

Sorry to give you my life story and I appreciate the time anyone takes to read this, but I guess my main questions are: 1. What should I do? AND 2. How should I handle a situation if people spread rumors about my sexual behavior? I hope that one day female sexuality will be accepted and girls in the future won’t feel the need to ask questions like this, but until then I would greatly appreciate any bit of advice.

[ 06-10-2012, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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copper86
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Hi!
I read your post last night; and I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few hours whenever I've signed into Scarleteen. And to start with, I was pretty much considered a geek throughout my entire life and high school. A 23 year-old girl who plays Pokemon and lives in toy stores - not to mention my love of video games and anime like Sailor Moon and Monster Rancher - has made me the "kid" or "geek" in my circles. But really, just because we are "nerds" or "geeks" does not mean we can't have boyfriends or relationships. That's pretty backwards thinking - but then again, that pretty much equals high school. [Smile]

I think your mother is trying to maybe indirectly show you that you can be of any "way" you want to be (i.e. have sex or not); and maybe try and take what she says in that way. I actually hate the "slut" connotation; and I don't blame you for feeling pressured. The desire to please parents is very high; and I too fall victim to this at every turn. You don't have to put up an "inexperienced-nerd" facade with her - if she is open to you about lightly discussing sex, do you think she'd be open to you disclosing that you'd like to have safe sex? I'm not saying that you have to tell her or you shouldn't tell her; but perhaps that could be something to consider.

Having graduated from university, I can safely argue against your point. There are definitely people who engage in casual sex at college. I think it really depends on to whom you talk and disclose these things to. Lots of people would see casual sex as "the norm" or "an experience" in university; and I can safely tell you that when I was in the university health centre to get birth control, other girls were there too for the same purposes. Your body and what you do is your business - you shouldn't think of others shaming you. If they do, what really matters is how you view yourself; so don't let what they say affect you.

I agree with you 100% about the lose-lose situation with women and sex. I can go on for years about this. If a woman has a lot of sex, apparently she is "loose" or something; but if a man has a lot of sex, he's a hero. I personally don't want to buy into this. I want to be myself; and I think that society is still way too patriarchal for my liking sometimes (I'm not a feminist, but still - that doesn't mean we can't want equal and fair treatment!). Sex is a very personal thing; and I don't think anyone should be labelled with those derogatory terms. It's no one's business.

I think that there are girls who often discuss their sexual encounters - my girl friends do - and so I don't think girls will hate you. But I do recommend that you just carefully pick and choose to whom you tell your sexual encounters to. Sometimes, my acquaintances and good friends say stuff that I'd really rather not hear; so I often just keep my personal stuff to myself and only talk about that stuff to friends who are away from my circle of "talkers" and make sure that I trust them completely before disclosing anything.

You should try to not think that guys will hate you for wanting to have monogamous relationships in the future after you've decided to have casual sex at some point (is that what you meant in your fifth paragraph? If not, please clarify for me!). Sexual history is unique and who knows, maybe your future monogamous partners have also engaged in casual sex, too. You can tell them when you're ready, obviously; and besides, just because you've had casual sex (if this happens that you decide to have casual sex and then date seriously later on), it doesn't mean you can't switch to another "type" of physical relationship (serious dating) - the same for vice versa. Maybe someone who has engaged in serious romantic relationships for years might want a change to a casual relationship - that is also perfectly fine I think, and they have every right to want that if that is what they want.

On what you should do, I think you could maybe make a list of all the things you want to do in the future. Make point form notes if that is easier - just so you can see everything in short form. For instance, if you do want to have casual sex, make a list of what you'd need for that to be done safely (how/where to obtain birth control [your college will probably have a health services complex or close-by walk-in clinics], having condoms on-hand). If you want to talk to your mother about any of this, also consider how you could tell her. Maybe go through potential conversations with her in your mind, think of the questions she might ask, and be prepared with potential answers and questions of your own.

If someone does start rumours about your sexual behaviour, you could always go to the person talking and try to find the source of the rumour; then confront them. I hate rumours and gossip (though I too fall privy to gossiping too); but when people talk about me, I often handle it by getting really emotional, which is not good. Maybe you could try and avoid all of this by either ignoring the gossip or being very careful of whom you tell your encounters to. The Bible phrase, "Love many, trust few" can be applied to many other situations, not just intimate ones. I'm definitely not saying that everyone is going to betray your trust or that everyone you talk to will keep your secrets... I'm just stating that I've learned the hard way that you must be careful to whom you confide your personal information - be it crushes, family issues, or anything in general.

I hope my post wasn't too long or hard to understand! If I said anything that didn't make any sense, please disregard it! I hope you feel better soon!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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MusicNerd
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Wow! You pretty much spoke to my soul and hit a lot of nails right on the head. I feel like we're twins born several years apart lol! (except I am a feminist, but by this definition ---> Dictionary.com, not the unfortunate patriarchal man-hating stereotype that's been proliferated with the label. random tangent there [Razz] ) As a side note, my favorite anime is Ouran High School Host Club . [Big Grin]

Thanks so much for that post, I do feel somewhat better now.

As for what you mentioned about confiding in people, I do have a flirty best friend who's going to the same college as me and who I feel would be non-judgmental and secretive if I ever needed someone to talk to, so that's a comforting thought.

The bullet point list you were talking about seems like a really good idea. I'll remember to write one down in my journal (gives me a reason to actually commit to writing in a journal)!

As for talking to my mom... She pretty much doesn't want to know when I start having sex. She's literally told me that she doesn't want to know. She was happy that I was responsible enough to ask her about going to see my doctor for going on the pill (horrible period cramps, acne problems and I slid in there nonchalantly "potential sexual encounters"), but she's pretty much uncomfortable with the idea. Mind you, this is a woman who waited to have sex until marriage. So, I kinda don't think I wanna tell her about my casual sex plans... and I definitely don't want to tell my dad. [Eek!]

The other day, he was talking to me and my mom about how when he was shaking the hand of this guy who has a crush on me at school (it's a pretty mutual crush between us, but my parents don't know that I like him), he was thinking to himself, "Oh hey! You're the guy who's having immoral thoughts about my daughter!" I was pretty much thinking ---> [Roll Eyes] since little did my dad know, I've had those same "immoral" thoughts about my crush, too. Needless to say, there was an awkward silence lingering in the car for a couple of seconds until my mom changed the subject. hahaha

I'm tired of people thinking that only guys think about sex and that women are totally clueless about it. smh

[ 06-11-2012, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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toomanywords
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A fellow nerdly person who enjoys casual sex here! (Also, squee, Ouran is awesome.)

So - I have no experience at all of how things are in the United States, but some of this might be applicable. In my experience, there is significant overlap between the world of polyamory and the world of geekdom. I don't know if this is entirely what you're thinking of when you say you're not currently interested in monogamy, as poly exists in many and varied forms, a majority of which comprise 'serious' relationships with multiple people... but if you are looking for safe, no-romantic-attachment sexual contact with people who are far less likely to slut-shame you, spread gossip, or be careless about STI checks? The poly community might be a good place to start looking, and might possibly be a respite from some of the nastier interpersonal drama and rumour-spreading of college? I might be way off base here in terms of what you're looking for, but generally, when I've had positive experiences of sex outside my relationships, it's been with people who have experience in poly-world and have the skills to be up-front and mature about their needs and desires, rather than with people who don't have that sort of emotional background and might be ultimately looking for some kind of monogamous relationship or still see casual sex as a sort of shameful thing to be secretive about.

/ramble

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MusicNerd
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So nerds who like casual sex actually do exist! Well, that's good to know! lol

Personally, I've never seen myself as the polyamorous type. More like the "couple-of-one-time-flings-here-and-there-while-I'm-single-if-the-timing-and-conditions-are-right" type. Unless I end up in a monogamous relationship, in which case, then I'll be faithful to that one guy. I appreciate your input though!

By the way, Kyouya's my favorite host. [Big Grin] I love the "Mom and Dad" relationship he (reluctantly) and Tamaki share.

[ 06-11-2012, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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toomanywords
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That's totally fair. [Smile] In case I wasn't clear - I wasn't saying "go into poly relationships!", I was more saying "people with experience in poly relationships might make a good initial dating pool to find people who will treat casual sex respectfully". Looking back over my post, I worry it might have got lost in the ramble.

The Kyouya/Tamaki dynamic is hilarious. [Big Grin] I think Haruhi is probably my favourite, though - gender-ambiguous folk give me the happies, and the way s/he throws Tamaki's sexual identity for a loop is awesome.

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MusicNerd
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quote:
Originally posted by toomanywords:
I think Haruhi is probably my favourite, though - gender-ambiguous folk give me the happies, and the way s/he throws Tamaki's sexual identity for a loop is awesome.

She really is hilarious! I just love that show so much in general.

quote:
Originally posted by toomanywords:
In case I wasn't clear - I wasn't saying "go into poly relationships!"

Oh, sorry that I misunderstood you.

What I find interesting/frustrating (would that be "frusteresting" or "interustrating"?) is that if I were a guy, my whole "I wanna be single now, but sometime in the future have a monogamous relationship" spiel would seem totally normal (admirable even, strangely enough) in the eyes of society.

It's pretty ridiculous and quite a shame that, even in the 21st century, we (society) still pigeonhole women so much into the shallow "good girl/bad girl" dichotomy... [Frown]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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copper86
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I'm so glad that you're feeling better! Yes, we do have a lot in common! Lol. I actually studied feminist sociological theory; and ironically really loved it, so there is still some kind of temptation in me to just start ranting about equal rights - though I'm with you on not being men-haters! I think I have heard of the anime you mentioned - I might look it up!

I'm glad that you have a best friend who's going to college with you; so you can confide in her. I had a close friend from high school choosing to go to the same university that I went to; and it was definitely a comfort to be able to meet for coffee with her and just talk about school, how much homework we had, boys, or just stuff in general. Having your friend with you will be great support for you!

I'm so proud of you for talking to your mother about going on the pill! (And also, I think college health insurance programs, if you get one, will cover the cost of your birth control pill; but I'm not positive) That's too bad that she doesn't want to hear about your sexual experiences, though. My mom is actually the same way. She waited until marriage to have sex; so I am sure that she would not want to hear about my personal life and there is no way I want my father to know!

That's cute about your crush! I think dads are just naturally overprotective. When I was little, my dad said he wanted to interview my boyfriends at the door; and if they had improper attire according to him, they would be gone! I think they just want what's best for us, which might come across as being a little irrational or protective. But I agree with you entirely about women having thoughts about sex. Society seems to revolve around the notion that men are the only ones who want sex and think about it. Women can just as easily have thoughts around sex; and I just hate how there's the "you're a good girl or bad girl" stereotype. I've always wanted to be a good person; but when I started having sex, suddenly I thought, "Wait, does this make me a bad person?" and it's probably due to these perpetuating stereotypes and the fact that my family and myself are religious (I still am a Christian, however; and am just trying to fit my sexual life into my belief system).

Writing in a journal is a good idea, regardless of its purpose (be it just for writing about your day, plans for birth control or how to work out conversations, or things you want to remember). I find that I will commit to writing a journal; but it goes down the wayside pretty fast after a few days of keeping to it. I have one now that I write in off and on. Getting stuff down on paper really helps!

[ 06-11-2012, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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MusicNerd
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quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
I think I have heard of the anime you mentioned - I might look it up!

You totally should! [Smile] Better yet, here's a link to the first episode: Ouran High School Host Club Episode 1

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
I'm glad that you have a best friend who's going to college with you; so you can confide in her. I had a close friend from high school choosing to go to the same university that I went to; and it was definitely a comfort to be able to meet for coffee with her and just talk about school, how much homework we had, boys, or just stuff in general. Having your friend with you will be great support for you!

Aww~ That's really nice that you had a bestie to talk to. Mine said she'd be my wingwoman for flirting with/picking up guys. [Wink] I look forward to talking to her about whatever might come up; good, bad or just plain random.

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
I think dads are just naturally overprotective. When I was little, my dad said he wanted to interview my boyfriends at the door; and if they had improper attire according to him, they would be gone!

Hahahaha! That's actually hilarious!

My dad doesn't even have that as a standard. It seems like my dad has the same approach that Oscar from the show The Proud Family had, "No dating 'til you're married."

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Writing in a journal is a good idea, regardless of its purpose (be it just for writing about your day, plans for birth control or how to work out conversations, or things you want to remember). I find that I will commit to writing a journal; but it goes down the wayside pretty fast after a few days of keeping to it. I have one now that I write in off and on. Getting stuff down on paper really helps!

I'm the same way with journals! lol My writing definitely usually tends to go "down by the wayside pretty fast". I promised myself that I'd do better this year since I'm going to college and it's like this "new chapter in my life". I know, really clichéd. [Roll Eyes]

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
I just hate how there's the "you're a good girl or bad girl" stereotype. I've always wanted to be a good person; but when I started having sex, suddenly I thought, "Wait, does this make me a bad person?" and it's probably due to these perpetuating stereotypes

Mmm, very true. The stereotypes are very obnoxious!

If you don't mind me asking: How were you able to get through your self-doubt/self-criticism?

It's fine if you don't want to answer, I totally understand. I just think that it's great that you're not judging yourself so harshly anymore (over something that no one should judge you harshly for) and that you're working through it. [Smile]

[ 06-11-2012, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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copper86
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Thank you so much for the link! I will check it out! I think a friend of mine watched it; because just the name sounds familiar... Or something about it, I think.

LOL! Oscar was a great guy. I'm sure your dad just doesn't want you getting hurt. Have you ever spoken to him about your crush; maybe pointing out his good qualities? Maybe your dad will come around once he sees that he is nice and good to you!

Keeping a journal is hard! I just wrote in mine and actually felt frustrated doing it. There are just some things I don't like writing down; but feeling a bit better afterwards is always beneficial! Keeping a journal while going to college is a good idea! It is a new chapter in your life; so I think it's a good idea for you to keep it and look back on it terms or even years later to see what you did on certain days. College is actually a very great experience... I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

That's great that your best friend will be your wingwoman! That means that you'll have a friend to talk to and someone to watch out for you when you go out, and vice versa! I think that's a good system to have; especially on a college campus or the surrounding areas.

The stereotypes anger me greatly! It's like you have to be one or the other. If you're "good," then you're naive, unadventurous, and boring (apparently); and if you're "bad," then you're apparently loose and are more likely to be judged. It seems that guys are immune to these stereotypes. And as much as I hate stereotypes, if they have to exist, why do they only apply to one gender and not both? Granted, I'm sure there are some exceptions, but still... Women are always being placed into this overanalytical category whereas men can roam free... It doesn't seem fair! There should be no labels at all!

Actually, I'm still not a hundred percent through my self-doubt and self-criticism. I was socialized since I was little that sex came with marriage and that it was something dirty and I guess I will also say something God did not want us to do unless we were married. But when I went to university and started to have sex with my partner, the Chaplain there helped me a lot; telling me that God made sex a beautiful and wonderful thing, and that it was made to be enjoyed and to be respected, but that didn't mean that you couldn't only have sex when you were married. I am trying to remember this and to work through it. I feel fine mostly; but there are times when I feel bad. I think that when it comes to religion and sex, it is between God, you, and your partner; and it is honestly no one else's business. I think this whole issue for me also happened because I came from a sheltered childhood and didn't know much about sex until much, much later (I knew the basics, but not anything else until I suddenly actually wanted to have sex). Thank you for asking, though; and for your compliments! [Smile] It's definitely a learning process but I think I'm doing okay!

[ 06-11-2012, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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MusicNerd
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quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Have you ever spoken to him about your crush; maybe pointing out his good qualities?

Well when I said "crush" for this guy, I meant less in terms of "I'd like to go out with you" and more in terms of "I'd like to hook up with you". It was more of a physical attraction. Personality-wise we were just not very compatible; not saying that I disliked him, but we were just too different in my opinion.

Strangely enough, I think he was better friends with my dad than he was with me. lol On those occasions when my dad wasn't all, "Me dad, you daughter!" he was surprisingly more, "He's a pretty nice guy". How can I put it?

This guy I'd drooled over was pretty much like Mr. Darcy (aloof, intense, gorgeous, acted stiff around me) and I was pretty much like Lizzie Bennett (stubborn, opinionated, wondering what was up with this guy). He would always seem awkward only around me, but outgoing and confident with everyone else (including other girls). I kinda sensed that he liked me, but the only way I knew for sure was when his mom told my mom, "Aww! My poor son can't help that he's absolutely in love with your daughter and so he's acting like a bumbling idiot!" After that, coincidentally enough, he tried to be less awkward with me but with very little improvement. Hahaha! It’s actually pretty funny now that I look back on it. [Smile]

We've already graduated and we're going to colleges in different states, but I'm not too hung up on it not having gotten physical. I think it wouldn't have been a good idea anyway, because:

1. Small high school = unnecessary drama surrounding my personal life.
Even guys who were rumored to have had hookups (including this guy, though I’m not one to think that rumors = definite truth) were criticized, by the girls at least (and a few guys), as being "sleazy" (which is definitely a rude term for someone who’s sexually active). Now that I look back on it, I shouldn’t have cared, but I just didn’t feel like stressing about anything else since senior year was busy enough.

2. I felt like he was way more into me emotionally than I ever was into him and I sensed that he probably would've wanted something more than a casual hookup, so I didn’t want to hurt him.

3. On top of that, he seemed like he probably would've been hypocritical and expected me to be a "good girl" ( [Roll Eyes] ) and wanted me to want a relationship instead of a fling. Normally I wouldn't give a you-know-what about what he thought of me, but I wouldn't have been able to easily ignore him at such a small school if he did annoyingly see me in that idealized way (read: more drama) and I wouldn't have felt like dealing with yelling at him for being such a hypocrite. Does that make any sense?
Condensed version: It seemed like it was more trouble than it was worth. lol

4. I wasn't quite ready to act on my sexual desires when I was attracted to him at that point in my life.

Bottom line: things just seemed more complicated than casual and my brain pretty much said, "Nah!" and continued to simply drool over him. Later on though, I ran into this super super attractive twenty-something who was staying with my host I was assigned to during a college visit. It took so much restraint for me not to initiate anything with him since I wasn't even 18 at the time (or on the pill or carrying any condoms or able to get any privacy from my host)! lol

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Keeping a journal while going to college is a good idea! It is a new chapter in your life; so I think it's a good idea for you to keep it and look back on it terms or even years later to see what you did on certain days. College is actually a very great experience... I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

Thanks! I really hope so! [Smile]

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
That's great that your best friend will be your wingwoman! That means that you'll have a friend to talk to and someone to watch out for you when you go out, and vice versa! I think that's a good system to have; especially on a college campus or the surrounding areas.

My thoughts exactly!

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Women are always being placed into this overanalytical category whereas men can roam free... It doesn't seem fair! There should be no labels at all!

THIS.

quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Actually, I'm still not a hundred percent through my self-doubt and self-criticism. I was socialized since I was little that sex came with marriage and that it was something dirty and I guess I will also say something God did not want us to do unless we were married. But when I went to university and started to have sex with my partner, the Chaplain there helped me a lot; telling me that God made sex a beautiful and wonderful thing, and that it was made to be enjoyed and to be respected, but that didn't mean that you couldn't only have sex when you were married. I am trying to remember this and to work through it. I feel fine mostly; but there are times when I feel bad. I think that when it comes to religion and sex, it is between God, you, and your partner; and it is honestly no one else's business. I think this whole issue for me also happened because I came from a sheltered childhood and didn't know much about sex until much, much later (I knew the basics, but not anything else until I suddenly actually wanted to have sex). Thank you for asking, though; and for your compliments! [Smile] It's definitely a learning process but I think I'm doing okay!

Even though I consider myself to be an atheist now, I used to go to a Catholic school so I can relate to your guilt about sex stemming from certain religious beliefs.

I’m glad that you’re making progress with doubting yourself less and that your chaplain assured you that “God made sex a beautiful and wonderful thing”! I totally agree that it’s no one else’s business. I’m also pretty sure that in the Bible (what I can remember of it, so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!) Adam and Eve weren’t married when they had kids, which would mean non-marital sex. [Smile]

[ 06-11-2012, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Long story short: Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it and it's nice to know that there is such a supportive community on Scarleteen. [Smile]

[ 06-12-2012, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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copper86
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Wow, your crush sounded really intense! I want to congratulate you on your maturity and responsible thinking in high school! If I am honest with myself, I knew hardly anything about sex in high school; so you are definitely very much in-tune with your body and know what's good for you and what isn't. That's great! I can agree with you about the high school drama and rumours that circulate. Girls would hate me for no apparent reason. It's ridiculous.

Looking at your high school dynamics, yours is actually quite similar to mine. It was also a small high school, within a small town; so yeah... No secrets. Men were stigmatized, too? You know, looking at your post, I now remember there being a few Grade 11 or 12 guys who went out with Grade 9 girls; and they were criticized a bit for that, too.

If he would be hypocritical about you being a "good girl," I am sure that would have been an annoying thing to contemplate! I can definitely understand your rationale regarding his feelings for you and yours for him. If he wanted more, things would have been harder. And if he'd be hypocritical, trying not to yell at him about that would also be hard!

Your situation with the twenty-something sounds interesting, too! You have tremendous restraint! I think you will do just fine when you go to college - you're responsible, you have a support system in your best friend, and you know what you want! If you don't mind, I'd love to hear more about that host story! [Smile]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support! It's actually a pretty difficult struggle at times; because I've been so socialized that sex before marriage is wrong. But to be honest, I think that there should be some kind of equilibrium between God and every part of your life - so if you're having sex, why shouldn't God be a part of that facet of your life? [Smile] Wow, when I read what you said about Adam and Eve, I thought, "I never thought of that!" Lol. I actually have no idea if they were married or not before they had had sex and kids!

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Just so that my posts don’t look like they’re 15 pages long, I’m gonna stop doing the quotebox thing. haha

Yeah, he was definitely a very intense fella! That’s why I would call him Mr. Darcy to my mom (not to him, though! he probably would’ve died of embarrassment!). Most of the girls at my school thought he was really hot but intimidating. I was less intimidated and more annoyed. lol
I was pretty much like, "If I want something casual, it should not be this complicated." Thanks so much! I try to understand myself. [Smile] Girls have given me a hard time, too. That's why I left my old school.

Yeah, I would have yelled at him… Now that I think about it: yup. If he did decide to be hypocritical, I most definitely would have yelled at him, told him where he could go shove his judgment and then stormed off with steam coming out of my ears. Hahaha [Big Grin]

Thanks again for your kind words! I do hope that this will serve me well in college. As for the twenty-something? I don’t mind telling you, but I’ll PM you the details tomorrow and answer the other stuff here. [Wink]

I also agree that people (if they’re religious) should be able to have sex and their faith coexist peacefully in their lives. [Smile]

[ 06-14-2012, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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(Just wanted to mention that PMs have been disabled for the safety of our users. Glad to see that the two of you have connected so well though and are having such a productive conversation, and you're more than welcome to continue it here for as long as you like!)

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copper86
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Lol, using English literature character names would be a flattering thing; to me anyway! But not if someone called me Lady Macbeth or something! [Wink] Maybe he liked you because you weren't intimidated by him! Maybe your confidence was appealing to him! [Smile]

Hypocrisy is a very silly thing. I often am privy to it, though; which makes me even more frustrated by it. It's silly, though, that guys can be seen as heroes and "macho" if they have sex; but women are not seen in that light if they've had a lot of partners and/or sometimes just if they're having sex in general.

You're welcome! I'm sure college will be fun for you! It's a wonderful experience, even if you don't meet anyone! I only had some casual dates with people from school; but it was so much fun to make friends in residence and be independent. I'm sure you and your best friend will have fun! I am saddened to read about the PMs, but them being disabled does make sense. If you want to tell me about it here, then please do not hesitate; but I know that some things are kind of private to be said online, so I won't at all be offended if you no not want to disclose anything! [Smile]

I'm so sorry that you had to leave high school because of how some girls there acted. High school is honestly such a pessimistic place sometimes (though I can't speak for all high schools, obviously. Mine was a small town high school so I definitely didn't feel as free as I did when I was in a large city university with people who didn't give two hoots if you did what you wanted)!

Thank you! Another thing that bothers me is the stereotype, "If you're a Christian/religious girl, then you're a virgin or you don't have sex." That mindset might be a bit passe with present-day churches; but I still feel like it's prevalent within our society anyway, regardless. It makes me very upset and uncomfortable when people display this kind of attitude. If someone wants to be religious and abstain, then that is absolutely their concern and their right to do so; but it's the same for those who are spiritual and want to engage in sexual activity.

[ 06-15-2012, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Sorry, Karybu! I had no idea, but I'll enjoy keeping the conversation going here. [Smile]

Copper86, I didn't leave the high school I graduated. I was talking about my elementary school where the girls gave me a hard time. I realize reading over my post again that it was pretty unclear. My bad! teehee [Big Grin]

The story is kinda long, but here it is. Normally I don't trust people very easily, but the Scarleteen community seems so chill and supportive that I don't mind sharing. [Smile] By the way, I changed names and countries in this story for anonymity.

I was doing an overnight stay at a college (that I’m going to in the fall) and I was assigned to stay with a female host (Lori) who had a roommate (Diana). Lori’s from Venezuela, so she’s fluent in English and Spanish and I was able to practice what Spanish I had learned from school. Long story-short, a friend of Lori’s (Amy) was gushing to me about this hot Colombian guy (Antonio) who was coming to sleepover as a guest in my host’s room with me for a night or two. Amy was going on about how I was so lucky to be sleeping over in the same room as him and blahbahtyblah.

A few hours later, I finally meet Mr. Colombia himself and, sure enough, he’s a looker. Tall, tan, dark and curly hair, killer accent and he had kind of a rugged look since he didn’t shave. As Lori was introducing us, I noticed that he was kinda gaping at me/checking me out a little… Needless to say, I was doing a happy dance on the inside! [Big Grin] I found out through talking with them that they became friends through relatives that knew each other.

For the rest of the night Lori, Antonio, Amy and I are alternating back-and-forth between English and Spanish in our conversations and at one point, one of Lori’s friends comes in (Paul) to hang out with us for a little while. Before Paul came in to her room though, Lori texted him asking what classes he had so that maybe I could accompany him the next day. Paul texted her back saying, “Your friend? Oh yeah, I’d f*** her”. I pretty much looked at her and was like, “Who? Me?” And she nodded. When Antonio heard this he kinda stopped fumbling with his sleeping bag, looked at Lori and said quietly, “Well… I mean… She is pretty.” Then, he went back to fumbling with his sleeping bag.

Anyway, Paul shows up and Lori introduces me to him bluntly saying, “This is the guy who wants to get you drunk and f*** you”. [Eek!]
When Paul came in, he looked at Lori and said, "Oh yeah, you got a pretty one". I was not physically attracted to him at all. Not in the slightest! Actually, I was getting some creepy vibes from him even though I only shook his hand. It also didn’t help when he asked me, “Would you like some tequila?” I could tell he was only half-kidding, but… He still creeped me out and I still wasn’t attracted to him in the least bit. I also was in shock that he felt the need to get a girl drunk first before attempting to have sex with her (which pretty much throws consent out the window). I mean, I knew that people like him existed, but just to meet someone like that in person… Needless to say, I did not go to any classes with him.

Anyway, at some point he was talking smack about some girl who had supposedly slept with two guys. [Roll Eyes] (Why does that smiley always look like it's smiling? That's not what I was going for.) Of course, Amy and I pointed out that this was a double-standard and went into that whole spiel. Amy pointed out that he was being a huge hypocrite since he was known for sleeping with a bunch different women and she also added that girls need to feel emotionally-connected in order to have sex. I told her that that was a dangerous generalization to make and that some women want no-strings attached sex and are totally fine with it. She agreed that some do, but disagreed stating that “science” had shown otherwise. As a side note: I still don’t agree with that since I think that science that tries to validate certain stereotypes is going to reflect society’s views at that point in time (ex. racism, sexism, classism or homophobia that’s been validated by “science” in the past). That’s just my opinion, though.

So, we continue to have this conversation until Antonio cuts in finally and says, “You know why that double-standard exists? Because we live in a phallocentric society. I’m not saying that I agree with it, but that’s why it exists.” It made me happy that he said that. [Smile]
Lori’s roommate Diana walked in and she was filled in on the details of the conversation. She shook her head and looked at Paul saying, “No, that’s a total double-standard! Come on, Paul.”

After a while everyone leaves except for me, Lori, Diana and Antonio. I decide to go to sleep “early” (a.k.a. midnight ‘cause I’m exhausted) while everyone else decides to stay up. As I’m turned on my side in my sleeping bag facing away from Lori and Antonio, I hear Lori saying in Spanish that she has to do something and she’ll be right back. Antonio replies in Spanish saying, “It’s ok, I’ll look after the niña,” and they chuckle a little bit. A “niña” is a female child or “little girl”. I kinda did a facepalm in my head. I’m only one year younger than Lori and I was pretty much thinking, “I’m not a little kid! Well, I’m not having little kid thoughts about you, that is…”

It took a lot of restraint for me not to flirt with him at all during that entire night though (for reasons that were listed a couple of posts ago). But yeah, that was my story with the host.

[ 06-16-2012, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
Lol, using English literature character names would be a flattering thing; to me anyway! But not if someone called me Lady Macbeth or something! [Wink] Maybe he liked you because you weren't intimidated by him! Maybe your confidence was appealing to him! [Smile]

Hypocrisy is a very silly thing. I often am privy to it, though; which makes me even more frustrated by it. It's silly, though, that guys can be seen as heroes and "macho" if they have sex; but women are not seen in that light if they've had a lot of partners and/or sometimes just if they're having sex in general.

You're welcome! I'm sure college will be fun for you! It's a wonderful experience, even if you don't meet anyone! I only had some casual dates with people from school; but it was so much fun to make friends in residence and be independent. I'm sure you and your best friend will have fun! I am saddened to read about the PMs, but them being disabled does make sense. If you want to tell me about it here, then please do not hesitate; but I know that some things are kind of private to be said online, so I won't at all be offended if you no not want to disclose anything! [Smile]

I'm so sorry that you had to leave high school because of how some girls there acted. High school is honestly such a pessimistic place sometimes (though I can't speak for all high schools, obviously. Mine was a small town high school so I definitely didn't feel as free as I did when I was in a large city university with people who didn't give two hoots if you did what you wanted)!

Thank you! Another thing that bothers me is the stereotype, "If you're a Christian/religious girl, then you're a virgin or you don't have sex." That mindset might be a bit passe with present-day churches; but I still feel like it's prevalent within our society anyway, regardless. It makes me very upset and uncomfortable when people display this kind of attitude. If someone wants to be religious and abstain, then that is absolutely their concern and their right to do so; but it's the same for those who are spiritual and want to engage in sexual activity.

I agree. Hypocrisy is definitely a very silly thing.

Okay, I'm gonna use a quotebox here. lol

Maybe it was my confidence? My mom was talking with him one time (I wasn't there but she told me), and she says that in talking with him, she found out that he likes the fact that I have my own mind. So, who knows. hahaha

Yeah, it's ridiculous how women are viewed negatively for having sex. It's kinda like this meme says: Double-Standard Meme
I mean, if it wasn't for sexually-active women having sex with men, then how would these men even be "heroes" by having sex with women (if we're talking about heterosexual encounters)? I guess a man's supposed to marry a woman one night and divorce her the next morning in order to have a one-night stand? Makes no sense. It's a very sexist concept (and heteronormative considering that the men who sleep with women are the "heroes").

Ah, I see how that whole "Christian girl = virginal" stereotype must be frustrating for you. I'm sorry. I hope that you ignore the narrow-mindedness of that kind of baseless assumption and continue to enjoy sex!

[ 06-16-2012, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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copper86
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That's great! It's nice to have "your own mind" - your own opinions, values, and wants; that are your own and no one is forcing you to think otherwise. That is certainly an attractive quality that any type of relationship - friends, family, and partners - would find appealing! [Smile]

Hey, that is a good point! If it weren't for the women, these (heterosexual) men wouldn't be considered "heroes" in the first place! Yes, I agree about all that, too. We live in such a patriarchal society that men seem to be considered as the more "heroic" gender when it comes to sex. Why can't both genders be classified that way?

Thank you! I'm trying to do that! I think Christianity has evolved over the past few decades to become more tolerant of certain things; which I think is great. I also think that there are some denominations and/or individuals that are becoming less judgmental; but you don't always see those people around and being vocal within society (at least, in mu opinion). Jesus hung out with all kinds of people from different pasts and backgrounds when He was alive; so I really think some Christians need to get off their "high horses" sometimes and just treat other people the way they themselves would want to be treated!

And wow, I just looked at your Meme (how do you spell that? lol) and that certainly represents that perpetuating double standard against men and women!

[ 06-17-2012, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Thanks! Yeah, I thought that meme (yes, that's how you spell it) represented it pretty well, too. By the way, I hope my host story wasn't too long. haha [Big Grin]

[ 06-17-2012, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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copper86
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Hey, MusicNerd! (I don't think I've said this yet, but I LOVE your username. I was in my high school's band, so I too was a music nerd. [Wink] ) I'm so sorry, I had somehow skipped over your host story! But I have read it and couldn't take my eyes off of it! Lol.

I don't know where to start! First off, I've met guys like Paul. They disgust me, too. I mean, it's fine to have sexual feelings and stuff - they're their own feelings and they have a right to them - but if a guy I don't know and am not attracted to (and someone I'd just met) all of a sudden says to me, "I want to have sex with you" - and not even that word, but the "f" word - I'd want to punch him in the face; or at least defend myself in some other way (which might mean speed dialing my big brother to do the punching for me). That was very uncalled for on his part and I'm sure he must realize at some point that doing those things to girls and (jokingly) asking them if they want tequila might not help them get what they want.

Antonio sounds like the ideal guy that I would like: tall, long dark hair. And speaking Spanish... Yes, I'd definitely be where you were, for sure! He did sound like he thought you were attractive, though, so that must have made you feel great! And I've also been in your shoes before, where guys were a year younger or older than me and treated the gap like it was enormous and not minuscule. When you get to college, I think those "gaps" lessen considerably. I'd be in a second-year French class and I'd be in fourth year, and the guy beside me was in his fifth year! You talk with them and form connections or at least acquaintance relationships; and sometimes I either forget or don't really know the age of my university friends because we met in the same class that so many others take in order to get their credits.

I think believing that someone is a "little girl" or "little boy" because they are a year or so younger is a bit silly. Look at it this way: my brother is ten and-a-half years younger than me; but is a foot taller than me, so everyone thinks he's the older one! Age judgements are so fluid and are always changing. And even though my brother is "younger" than me, we hang out so often and have so much in common that that small age gap is non-existent now. Was Antonio someone who already went to the college? Maybe he called you "younger" in the sense that you were a grade lower than he was. That thinking will definitely diminish when you go into college and meet more people. Don't worry about that!

I agree with you a thousand percent about your double standard point of view; and the statement that "girls need to be emotionally-connected in order to have sex" is not always true. Some girls will engage in casual sex and feelings, attachments, or sentimental issues will not even register in their minds. Also, the notion that it was backed up by science actually infuriated me a little. Using scientific methods (performed in lab settings or in laboratories with sample sizes and everything else) to help explain sociological or interpersonal notions are extremely difficult. That's why social scientists always say stuff like, "Please don't take this one sample's results as a general representation of the entire population/society - it's just one sample's results." Generalizing something as social and personal as sex and then using science to back it up is definitely problematic. Sorry about how huge a rant that was!

I agree with you as well about that "rolling eyes" smiley face. To me, it looks like they're batting their eyelashes for a bit. It's weird!

And thank you so much for sharing your personal story! I understand how you feel about not trusting others... I'm now posting a bit more personal stuff on Scarleteen because of how friendly and supportive everyone is here!

[ 06-17-2012, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Aww, thanks! I was in my high school's orchestra. [Smile] By the way, how did you get your username?

Yeah. If Paul even attempted to make a move on me, I probably would've kicked his a** in a heartbeat (I used to take martial arts several years ago, so I still remember a thing or two [Wink] ). I was definitely disgusted by him. Even if he hadn't said any of that stuff though (the text and the double-standard crap), I wouldn't have been interested in him since:

1. I wasn't physically attracted to him.

and

2. I would've probably picked up on his demeanor.
I know it sounds weird, but I tend to read people. Not on purpose though. Things about people just tend to jump out at me. It's kinda like if you notice that someone's blonde or tall or something, except I do it instinctively with non-physical attributes (like personalities or stuff like the people on Lie to Me did). Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it since I don't always want to know certain things about people (like if they're lying to me). :/

I was totally excited to know that Antonio thought I was attractive! lol [Big Grin] I was also grateful that I had taken Spanish for 5+ years at the time so that we could talk freely in both English and Spanish. [Wink] He had graduated from some undergraduate college I-don't-know-where the year before and I hadn't even graduated high school yet (I was a senior). Actually, I'm pretty sure he's about your age which would've made him about 6 years older than me at the time. He was 5 years older than Lori, who was a college freshman at the time. That age/schooling gap might've had something to do with that.

What I find interesting is that, outside of school, age seems not to be as big of a factor. People when they're out of school can be like 25 and 35, but still get married. In school years, that would be the difference between a high school senior and a 2nd grader. That's crazy to think about! hahaha

That's funny about you and your younger brother though! [Big Grin] Ten and a half years younger? A foot height difference? Wow!! I know some people whose younger siblings are taller than they are... Sometimes it ticks them off. lol

Also, that wasn't a huge rant. hahaha I totally agree with you on the society vs. science thing! [Smile]

[ 06-18-2012, 12:28 AM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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copper86
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You're welcome! That's awesome! What instrument did you play? I play the clarinet! I'd love to play the piano or guitar; but I think the piano is way too complicated for me (you have to play the treble line AND the bass line? At the same time?! [Wink] ). I really love Copper from The Fox and the Hound, so that's how I came by my username.

That's great about the martial arts! And it would've been amazing if you had given him a punch or something - that would've quieted him up real fast! [Wink] My parents wanted me to take a defence class; so I might look into that at some point. It's great that you have that skill, especially when you go to college (not that everyone out there is mean and weird, but it's always nice to have that kind of skill around campus).

I don't think reading people is a weird skill at all! It must come in handy quite often! My mother has a similar skill; and her judgments about people are often right. Knowing if people are lying to you must be hard, but at least you know that they are lying. That's so cool that you don't use anything like physical attributes to discern their nature... Do things like body language help, or is that too physical a trait (and sometimes you don't have access to body language, like if you're texting someone for the first time)?

Spanish is a beautiful language! You are so lucky to be able to speak it the way you do! 5+ years is a really long time, so you must be good! Being bilingual is a very important skill to have! I speak French too, but some of my friends hate French; so I usually don't get to use it much unless I'm in school or with my mom. I didn't realize that Antonio was that much older than you. I still understand what you mean about age gaps, though. I mean, you were a senior in high school... That's not exactly young, you know? In Canada, you're an adult at 18, so legally speaking you could've been considered an adult then, too. [Wink] He still sounds like a very attractive man, though! And the being-foreign-and-speaking-Spanish thing definitely puts him over the top! Take some Spanish courses at college... Maybe you will see another Antonio!

Yes, I agree with you about the age gap! When you're out in the working world, you meet so many different people of different ages that I guess it's more likely for you to find someone who isn't your own age. In university, though, I think that age gap does diminish a little. But I agree that when you're out of school, age gaps almost disappear. My parents met at work and they had an age difference; so I can certainly see your point! Yes, 25 and 35 seems great; but when you think about it, it could also be a difference between a second grader and high school senior... That's definitely crazy, as you've said!

LOL, I made the biggest typing mistake ever! My brother is ten and-a-half months younger than me, not years! I'm sorry! Except that even then, I'm not sure if the height would've been different; since he just sprouted at 15 or so and I stayed short with minimal growth. Even if he had been ten and-a-half years younger than me, I think he still would've towered over me! It doesn't really tick me off that he's taller, but sometimes it might pose problems when I want to hug him or walk at the same pace he does! So we're almost a year apart, but that age gap almost diminished as we grew older. Now, his friends are friends with me and he gets along with some of my friends, too - and sometimes his friends are his age or my age or younger than him, so you're right, age seems to not be as big of a factor outside of school!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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MusicNerd
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I played (and will continue to play in college) the violin! [Smile] I'd love to learn the bass guitar, 'cause I think they have the coolest parts in a band! How long did you play the clarinet for?
Yeah, piano seems crazy hard! I can't do the whole two-handed thing. lol
I vaguely remember the Fox and the Hound, but that's so cute that your username is named after Copper!

Yeah, I'm glad I took martial arts at some point in my life. I'm pretty rusty though, so I should probably pick it up again. You totally should take up some form of martial arts or self-defense! [Big Grin]
Don't worry, I wouldn't have hesitated to punch Paul if I needed to. hahaha

That's cool that your mom has the same thing. [Smile] I inherited the reading "skill" from my mom. When I was younger, I had absolutely no idea how to describe how I was able to read people. It seemed kinda random but normal to me at the time. I thought it was something everybody could do. Now, I've sorta learned (from watching the actress on Lie to Me who played the "natural reader") that what I was subconsciously picking up on consisted of anything from body language to microexpressions to little inflections in people's voices and things that would happen in their eyes. How can I explain it...? Most of the time, you might not have a conscious checklist in your brain when you observe physical attributes about someone by thinking, “Are they tall, short or average? Fat or thin? Somewhere in the middle? Young or old?” You probably just automatically pick up on different physical things about a person without realizing it. It’s like that for me with non-physical attributes. I don't go through a conscious mental checklist of things; it's just something that jumps out at me about someone like physical attributes do for most people. It's quite strange describing it now, and I still don't think I'm able to fully identify how exactly I pick up on things about people. I just do it automatically or I get some kind of unexplainable vibe from that person.

That’s a good question about text messaging someone for the first time! Hmm… Honestly, it’s harder for me to read someone if I can’t see them or hear them. Normally I tend to have met the person face-to-face before I’ve given them my number, but I guess there are things you could pick up on over the phone. If you’re actually talking to the person on the phone, then you can hear if their mind is somewhere else or if they mean what they’re saying or you can detect inflections in their voice or something like that. If it’s a text, and I guess this goes for e-mails too, then maybe things like the use of ellipses at the end of almost every single sentence = unsure of or awkward about themselves/what they’re talking about. I’ve also noticed that if people say things like “you” a lot in their messages in order to explain personal experiences (like what I did above. whoops. lol [Big Grin] ), then they want you to relate to them or to understand where they’re coming from. It mainly depends on the context of the message in order for me to detect things (like personality type) about people. Again, it sounds strange typing it out right now, but I still have yet to be fully aware of what my brain subconsciously does to read people. A lot of times I think of it (to myself of course, since I don't normally tell people that I can read people) as something like a vibe for me since even I find it confusing to try and explain to myself at times. hahaha

I used to hate being able to do this when I was younger (and still do sometimes), but you're right, it has come in handy for me a lot of times. [Smile]

I actually hadn’t turned 18 yet when I was visiting that college at the time, so I wasn’t a legal adult. I wished I was though. [Wink] lol Maybe I will meet someone like Antonio in college in a class I take. Who knows? [Smile]

Your brother’s 10 and a half months younger than you? Oh! Well, he’s still younger anyway. Lol That’s nice to hear that the age gap isn’t so big anymore for you or other people after they get out of schooling! Does your brother ever tease you about the height difference?

On a random note: I was glad to learn (when I had that debate in Lori’s room with her friends) that even though there were hypocritical people at college, there were also women and men against slut-shaming who did exist at college. I forgot about that when I wrote my very first post at the beginning of this thread. [Smile]

[ 06-19-2012, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Jill2000Plus
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quote:
Originally posted by copper86:
I really love Copper from The Fox and the Hound, so that's how I came by my username.

QUICK DERAIL: That movie made me cry so I haven't watched it in years (ok I've actually only watched it once). And I love Ouran High School Host Club.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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MusicNerd
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Yay! Another Ouran fan! [Big Grin]

Do you happen to play an instrument like Copper (clarinet) or me (violin, like I mentioned in my last post)?

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Jill2000Plus
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I used to play the saxomaphone (which is a lot like a clarinet if I remember rightly). I tried playing the cello when I was a kid but I never really got anywhere with that. Currently I have an acoustic guitar sitting in my room gathering dust, I'd love to learn to play but I think I'd need lessons and I'm not willing to sacrifice that much of my monthly budget right now.

[ 06-22-2012, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: Jill2000Plus ]

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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copper86
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That's amazing that you play the violin! Congratulations! I've heard that it takes a lot of diligence and intelligence to play! My grandmother used to play it well! I've played the clarinet for about ten years; but I wouldn't call myself an expert. Those high notes are killer. They resemble a drowning animal or something (which is in no way trying to be offensive to animals!)... It's amazing why the composers even put high notes into scores for clarinets.

I agree that the bass has amazing parts in an orchestra or band! My brother is in a band and their bassist is really cool. He has some awesome solos! Thank you! I really loved Copper. Tod, too; but I resonated with Copper when I was making my account. [Smile]

Martial arts sounds like a very good skill. You never know when it might come in handy; and even if it never does, it's really good exercise and you can always threaten, "I'll punch you out!" and people will take you seriously! [Wink]

I think I understand what you mean about your skill. It's very convenient to be able to read people and to not just always take what they say at face-value. I think it's very safe to subconsciously analyze people like that. Picking up on non-physical attributes is very important - congratulations on that! My mother explains that her gift is spiritual; and I believe her in that respect (as in, it's a God-given ability, not that she has any kind of "power," lol), for sure. But regardless of how you've "acquired" it, it's definitely a good thing and I think it will serve you well!

I agree with you a hundred percent about texting. Like, if you give a friend your phone number and start texting them for the first time, maybe it would be a similar reading process in some ways - or like talking to them on the phone. I'm like you : I often analyze my messages; especially when punctuation and grammar are concerned (how many periods did they put in their "..." response? Did they use periods after this word; or between phrases?). So many miscommunications or misunderstood contexts happen with me over text, because I am constantly overanalyzing things! Lol. But you're right, the same thing goes for emails, too! You did a very good job of explaining your gift to me! I think you have a pretty good grasp of what you can do!

Lol! I would've been in the same position as you had I met him at 17. Maybe take a Spanish class and see who walks in; and then drop it and take another class until you see someone interesting! Lol, that is definitely a dumb idea and it was purely a joke; but you never know - I've met a lot of hot guys in my classes; and those ranged from French Grammar to Sociology of Community!

Yup, the age gap between us is quite small now! He does tease me about it sometimes; but I crave his attention so I usually don't mind! One time, we both went to the bank together and used the ATM. When we exited, they have that height measurement line by the door, so if someone robs the bank, they have a good idea of their height; and when he turned back to see that my height was barely at five feet, all he did was laugh and then kept going! It was funny! And then one time in public when he was introducing me, he was like, "I gotta move the mic down now" or something cute like that. [Smile]

It's nice to have people who are against slut-shaming at college and in other places too. I actually really hate that side of the sexuality scope/arena. People are so quick to judge. I'm glad you found that out! It's nice that even though we have hypocritical people at college and in the workforce and society as a whole, at least we also have the non-slut-shaming people who are respectful and caring, too. [Smile]

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MusicNerd
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Jill, you used to play saxophone? That's awesome! [Big Grin] Maybe you could learn how to play guitar via Youtube? I heard that that's how Kevin Jonas learned how to play.

Thanks, Copper! Yeah, it definitely takes practice. A decade seems like a long time to have played clarinet, so don't sell yourself short!

Drop classes 'til I find someone hot? Sounds like a plan! Hahaha [Big Grin]

Aww~ You and your brother sound like you have a cute friendship! You're barely five feet tall? Wow, I didn't realize you were that tiny! I have a cousin in her thirties who's an inch short of five feet tall and I'm almost a whole foot taller than her (yeah, I'm kinda tall. haha [Smile] ). She always introduces me as her little cousin and I'm like, "Uh, you've gotta stop doing that. I mean, look at us." lol

[ 06-25-2012, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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Side note: I love your signature, Jill. It's hilarious! [Big Grin]

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copper86
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You're welcome! Thanks! It's been an on-and-off thing now since high school has ended - a long time ago, lol! - so since I'm not in a band anymore, I just practice on my own time.

Lol, you're bound to find interesting guys in a whole bunch of your classes! [Smile]

Thank you so much! We do have a good friendship overall. On Monday, he got me a Happy Meal that had my favourite kind of toy in it! That made my entire day! Yeah, I'm pretty short, but I really like it most of the time! You rarely hit your head on stuff! [Wink] LOL, that sounds so cute! And you know, women who are taller are found to be very attractive! One of my close friends is around 5'10", and she is gorgeous! I think height does a lot for attractiveness, in men and women. Not that I'm saying being short isn't good; but you know what I mean. [Smile]

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MusicNerd
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That's nice that you still keep it up. [Smile]

ROFL XD A Happy Meal? Your reaction was actually wonderful! hahaha

There are pros and cons for people of every height. I actually am 5'10" like your friend and, like you mentioned, I do tend to bump my head into things. lol I also need to shop for jeans that have long enough inseams (online mostly since even the "long" jeans normally aren't long enough for me in stores). If you're short or average height, then you can get your clothing hemmed and you probably won't bump your head into things. [Smile] My under-five-feet-tall cousin is also gorgeous. She could probably wear a brown paper bag and still be stunning! [Big Grin]

[ 06-29-2012, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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copper86
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Thank you so much! I'm a kid still. [Smile] When he does those little things for me, any kind of tiff we had immediately goes away and though I don't think gifts are signs of how much someone likes you, the thought he took and effort (and the fact that it was a Happy Meal and a Pokemon toy) really made me feel loved.

I agree with you completely! I think 5'10" is a great height! You're hot and you mean business! [Smile] Sometimes I gotta bend my head too, but my problem is tripping over stuff and bumps on sidewalks (I often walk and look at my phone at the same time). [Wink] Shopping online sounds cool! I've never done it, but I bet it saves a lot of time! I have to get my jeans hemmed often... It's annoying! But I'm sure looking for jeans with long enough inseams is time-consuming, too!

How close are you and your cousin in age? That's nice that you seem to be close friends! I'm friendly with two of my cousins (who are closer to my brother's and my age); but my other cousins are kind of older and not too interested in having a friendship with my brother and I (which really isn't too much of an issue, but sometimes I wish we'd be closer, since we live in the same province). But that's why I have my brother to harass. [Wink]

When does school start for you? Have you picked out any of your classes yet? I miss picking my school courses! It used to be really stressful at first (the first university I went to was so small that the registrar's office picked your courses and schedules for you; and the second one was so huge that we were in charge of making sure our schedules fit and that we had all the required courses in order to graduate); but it eventually got to be more fun and only sometimes annoying. [Smile] I'm so sorry, what is your major again? I seem to remember you wanting to take a language - Spanish? Are you going to live on-campus? You'll have so much fun! [Smile]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Aww~ That's so adorable! Nothing wrong with being a kid sometimes. Not to mention, Pokemon are awesome so it's totally understandable. Gotta catch 'em all, right? [Smile]

Ahahaha! Thanks, you're so sweet! ^__^ After my growth spurt, I felt out of place compared to most of my friends, and in middle school I towered over all of the boys. It took me years to finally accept my height. It's all good now and I even wear heels (mostly formal events) and wedges (mostly casual) sometimes. I never thought I'd do that! Actually, it's my mom (she's about half a foot shorter than me) who encouraged me to wear high shoes. Go figure. [Smile]

Just remember: good things come in small packages, too. [Wink]

I'm 18 and my cousin's in her 30's, so... Not very close in age at all. lol She has a young spirit though and I've been told I'm an old soul, so I guess that's why we get along. We kinda meet somewhere in the middle. [Smile]

I move in at the end of July (early-program-thing that some students are picked to do) and I'm actually kinda excited about picking courses and stuff. It's okay, I never mentioned my major! lol I'm taking Environmental Studies. [Smile] I'm thinking since I've taken Spanish for 6 years, even though I love it, I'd like to opt out of it since I have a pretty good grasp of it and start taking Mandarin instead. Yes, I'm most definitely gonna live on-campus! I'm totally pumped! [Big Grin]

What was your first semester like?

[ 06-30-2012, 02:25 AM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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MusicNerd
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Sorry to have two posts in a row, but I thought I'd do a little update!

Update: I finally wrote a list of things in my journal about what I want and need in order to have casual sex and I made little rules for myself to remember/standards to keep in mind (never have casual sex without protection...EVER, don't feel obligated to say "yes" everytime, and then I have like 10 more but I don't know if you want me to list them all. lol!).
I feel a lot more secure in whatever future choices I'll make regarding sex (casual or not). Thanks so much for that suggestion, Copper! [Smile]

I still wanna ask you the question that I had in my post above, though (if that's alright [Smile] ): What was your first semester of college like?

[ 07-02-2012, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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