Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Why DON'T you.... (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Why DON'T you....
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
...use condoms for oral, vaginal and/or anal sex or get full STI screenings when you have NOT done so with the same partner for at least six months AND know the risks?

I ask because while, as sex educators, we know a lot of common reasons why people don't, but these reasons change sometimes, and we can only find out what they are based on what people report for themselves. In order for us to do our best to help young people with protecting their health and the public health, we need to understand as best we can why you aren't or can't right now, or haven't been able to in the past. We could use your help.

So, take the poll below. Please answer the questions carefull and honestly: for instance, if in one question you say you have been 100% able to use barriers and get testing, but then in the next question say you have never had testing, we've got inaccurate information that's of limited use to us. Understand that when we say "safer sex" we mean using latex barriers AND testing, both, unless otherwise specified.

Then, if you are or have been one of those who do NOT practice basic safer sex guidelines, consider telling us about it, would you? Tell us why you haven't, don't, can't, or feel you can't, and know you don't have to defend yourself. Obviously, we're not going to endorse doing that and taking unecessary health and public health risks, and my interest in listening to you talk about this is to try and think of new ways to help make safer sex work for you, especially given the ever-rising rates of STIs in young adults, but you're not going to get judged here for making different choices.

Beyond following our usual guidelines, I want to make clear some ground rules for this thread:

1. There will be NO harassing/scolding/namecalling or the like towards any poster talking about how they don't use condoms and practice safer sex and why. Any post which contains anything like that will be deleted immediately.

2. This isn't a thread for people to come in and talk about why THEY make better choices, preach or self-congratulate. This is a thread to LISTEN to people talking about why they don't or can't choose to engage in safer sex. If you haven't been one of those people, please don't post.

3. That said, I want this thread to be about listening. Those who don't practice safer sex and want to know how can start a new thread asking for help (which we'll gladly give), read existing threads on the topic, or start with articles like these:
•Safe, Sound & Sexy : A Safer Sex How-To
• Ten of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self (at any age)
• A Quickie STD/STI Risk Assessment

I think it'll be easier to manage this discussion for everyone if we do it this way.


Thanks for your input!

Poll Information
This poll contains 10 question(s). 480 user(s) have voted.
You may not view the results of this poll without voting.

Vote Now     View Poll Results


--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LPgirl
Neophyte
Member # 29492

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LPgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
WOW taking the poll and reading the results, absolutely shocking. That poll helped me a lot to decide to become safter.
Posts: 5 | From: PA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Irm
Activist
Member # 27418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Irm     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The one huge, big, overwheling one is the STI screenings. Being under 18 + getting an STI screening? Forget it. 1) Parents. Most would not approve, because they would relate an STI screening to sexual activity... which the average parent does NOT want to see in their minor. 2) Where and how much? A lot of teenagers are broke. Even if there is a PP within reachable distance, 3) Transportation! I actually took the initiative to go and finally get a screening, but my friend's mom took her car away from her, and that was my only ride, so I lost out. Trying again here at the AR PP once I can raise the money, but I am still relying on someone else for transportation. 4) Young and confused about how medical things work. What if I am on my parents' insurance, but don't want to use it because it might show up on the bill? What if my insurance is just crap and I need the total discount because it would be more expensive to use my insurance than to just pay as though I didn't have any? Is there any strange, unexpected medical paperwork to fill out? Will I have to know family history? Will I need some sort of ID? I don't feel equipped to deal with questions of technicality, rules, finance, etc.

Right now, my two main frustrations are cost and transportation. I was all set to get one before my 18th birthday, but then with the ride falling out, my birthday passed, and I now have to cough up almost two hundred dollars. *ugh face* I'm back and forth between two states right now, so I can't hold a job. I certainly don't know of anyone who can dump two hundred into my lap. So I'm just sort of waiting for things to settle down before I can even begin thinking about it again.

Posts: 213 | From: Private | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, ditto all of that. Though my main issue is really cost. While we do have an equivalent of PP here in Germany, they offer only counseling and information, they do not have doctors on staff for medical exams or STD testing. Not to mention that none of the government health insurance plans cover STD tests (heck, I checked, and even the private insurances only cover some of it). So ... a test for one specific disease can cost anywhere between €80 to €200. That's not the kind of money I've got lying around. And even if I did, then that would only cover one specific test, which would be a useful thing if I had specific symptoms and a suspicion about one disease. But if I just want to make sure I'm all clear, for my peace of mind and for my health, then I'd have to shell out several hundred Euros. And that is just not happening.

Which leaves me in the same place Red is in: I've got to wait it out until I get the opportunity to test.

[EDIT: So I wrote this post last night. This morning I went for my annual check-up with a new doctor. In the waiting room, I picked up a broschure about the services they offer and noticed that they listed the STD screenings at slightly lower prices than I'd seen before, so when I was in the office I asked the doctor about it. Halfway through my question she waved her hand and said "You know, I was a student once, too. I'll run the tests, you can pick up the results on Wednesday." My jaw dropped to the floor, but she just smiled at me. I'm fairly certain that this is not standard procedure, but it certainly is pretty darn awesome.]

[ 06-22-2006, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: September ]

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9177 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mathilde
Activist
Member # 27083

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mathilde     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am sexual active in some aspects. Though it's mainly manual sex, I would still like to get an STI screening for my boyfriend and myself, just to be sure there isn't any type of bacterial infection that may have manifested. However, I do find it difficult. With our PP, you have to call and make an appointment beforehand, and I'm not sure if I would be able to afford a screening. I know they work on a sliding-scale fee (or I think they do), but I'm a bit low on cash right now, considering I don't have a summer job (community service and church stuff taking up my schedule). You don't have to use the parents' insurance, do you?
Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sooin
Neophyte
Member # 30346

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sooin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
well my hubby is the one who take my virginity and everytime we had sex we never use any contraceptives, thats why o got pregnant but no regrets at all....im not sure if we are both ready to take the screening to think that we are both loyal to each other...do u guys think we still need to take the screening?

--------------------
my baby is a precious one......

Posts: 6 | From: los angeles, CA | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sakti
Neophyte
Member # 30394

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sakti     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd like to get an OBGYN to take a look at me, just to make sure nothing is wrong. I'm not worried about STIs so much as bacterial vaginosis or other icky things that might seriously affect my health if ignored. The problem? Strict, religious parents and no money.

Even though my partner and I have only had sex with each other, we're still very open about the possibility of catching an STD. You never know. We share any oddities with each other and try to be as honest as possible. So far, monogamy and self-knowledge have proved to be more effective than condoms ever will.

Posts: 1 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nima
Neophyte
Member # 27836

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nima     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can't honestly say that I practise completely safe sex because I havent had an STI screening and I dont use protection for oral sex. I havent had the STI screening because honestly I dont know where to go and what ressources are available to me. I am currently between doctors. Admitedly I know that if I looked I could find the ressources and get the screening however I have only had one partner who was also a virgin when we first started having sex and that is also the reason I don't use protection for oral sex.

--------------------
:):):):):)

Posts: 4 | From: Calgary | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LadyGrelka
Neophyte
Member # 30853

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LadyGrelka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Going over that made me laugh a bit at myself. With all partners before my husband I always used protection but when we got together well lets just say that went down the tubes. I mean before we got married when we where just dating. The STI testing I always had at least once a year but mostly twice a year. But even before I became sexually active testing for STD's was part of a pap so my mom never thought anything of it (she had no idea I had had sex a few times) But now that I am married I am not too worried about getting an STD however I still like to get tested but unfortunately that is not possible for me without health care.
Posts: 10 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
Activist
Member # 28394

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PenguinBoy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Spontaneity was a reason why I didn't have protection, but went ahead with oral. At the time I was far less educated. And also the renowned peer-thing; no-one I know uses protection for oral, so I just took that for granted. Also, when your in a relationship, when you know someone is your "girlfriend", it kinda gives you a false sense of security as if enforcing the thoughts like "it's people who have no emotions or notions of romance that go off sleeping around with anonymous tarts that get STIs." so i didn't truthfully consider STIs. On the other hand i can't fully remember how long we had been together. So we COULD have been together 6 months, I think we may have. but i ticked the box for not, just incase.

Anyway that's the reasons.

--------------------
Jacob - my Scarleteen Blog - Please help sustain scarleteen

Posts: 633 | From: Bedfordshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shroomroom
Activist
Member # 29469

Icon 1 posted      Profile for shroomroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have only messed around with only one guy so far, and he has only messed around with me. (And we're also planning to keep it that way) I have been screened for some STI's when I got my birth contol, but he hasn't. But we don't really care about diseases too terribly bad, since we're not sleeping around with other people. Plus condoms don't work out for us, he says he can't feel anything, and I don't want to force him to if I'm on the pill (I'd rather him not wear one anyway). Then theres other stuff on this site, like, 'use latex gloves for manual sex', but my boyfriend and I would never do that, because, well, it kind of defeats the purpose of being 'intimate'; you're not feeling your boy/girl friend, you're just feeling a latex glove, and they're not feeling you either. And again with the dental dams and condoms for oral sex, we would rather taste each other. I've been having manual, oral, or just sex, for almost a year and a half now, and I'm perfectly healthy.
So I don't practice EXTREME safe sex, but the sex is safe enough for us.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey shroom, I want to speak a little to some of what you've said here. In doing so, understand that I'm not trying to invalidate your choices, I just am not comfortable with what is somewhat misleading information being on site.

If you've never used a latex glove, as you say you haven't, you can't really know what it feels like, right? Because I'll tell you -- again, you choose what you do regardless -- that I've kissed women whose lipstick was thicker than a latex glove, and I'm still feeling their lips. And with how thin gloves are, and how intense and warm the inside of genitals are, as someone who has and has not used gloves (both as the person wearing one and as the person receiving manual sex), for the wearer of the glove, the difference is really minial, but for the reciever, it's nearly impossible to even determine if a glove is on or not. It also doesn't impact emotional intimacy, just like, again, someone wearing lipstick or having a shirt on during some sexual activity doesn't impact intimacy. (Or heck for that matter, taking a pill that totally changes the inner workings of your body and often reduces libido and natural lubrication doesn't impact emotional intimacy.)

Same goes for condoms, when they're used properly, with lubricant, and when they're good quality, very thin condoms. Most guys who say they can't feel anything have either a) never used a condoms, b) used them, but never used good ones properly, or c)is feeding a line.

You're right: for couples who have NEVER had ANY sexual contact with other partners, and who both have had at least one STI screen, STI risks are minimal, so after six months, it is totally considered okay/much safer to go without barriers if you choose.

But for the future, should your situation change, or you have another partner, etc. just know that this stuff isn't the drag or the barrier to closeness that you figure it is. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dorkasaurus
Neophyte
Member # 32456

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dorkasaurus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I recently moved someplace new, temporarily, and I went to the gynecologist when I thought I had a yeast infection, and I also asked for STI screenings. She did all of them, I think (the HIV one was free, too, I think), but I haven't gotten any results back, and this was a few months ago. How should I go about calling them for the results? Will they still have them on file, even though this is not my usual gynecologist?

--------------------
"We are all born naked, and the rest is drag." --RuPaul

Posts: 19 | From: New York City | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redz
Neophyte
Member # 24346

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redz     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think what the first reply is saying is the jist of the problem for most teens. Often we are criticised of being careless in our sexperimenation but what adults fail to recognise, what the authories n the associations who say they r concerned for us fail to recognise is that they do not make the environment accommodating for us. when i finally decided i was ready to have intercourse with my boyfriend, our primary concern was to avoid pregnancy because we are not prepared for raising a child. i sought to obtain birth control, preferably the pill. although in my country persons 16 yrs are allowed to access the services of the Family Planning Association and get contraception via this organisation without a parent's authorisation, there r still problems for many. it is required that one visits the clinic on the first day of your period which invariably falls on a school day. I'm not going to ditch school to catch a bus to go somewhere my parents would not want me to be. worse for me, the clinic is near to an office my parents frequent. n the most challenging thing for pratically every teen around here is that we live on an island, everyone knows everyone n we really dont need our mother's best friend's ex boyfriend's second cousin to see us and report to our father's godson's mother who lives next door. that wouldnt turn out pretty. i do agree when one argues that if you are unprepared or uncomfortable with seeking contraception then you should not be having sex. i agree wholeheartedly. however, it is one thing to purchase condoms from the mini-mart but a totally different experience to sit with a nurse who probably knows you and your parents but whom you dont recognise and discuss your sexual history and request birth control. in my country, vows of confidentiality don't mean much to anyone. teens need to know that we can feel comfortable and safe expressing our views and our challenges. in my opinion, adults are not open to us. they always have a bias. maybe it's because they have experienced the things we r experimentin with n they have forsight. however, that shud never hinder one from offering teens the assistance they seek, because we r not receptable to be told "you should not" "you must not" "you have no right to" "you are too young". those r phrases that motivate us to explore and sexplore because some of us want to know the truth, others want to prove you wrong.
Posts: 26 | From: earth | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
N
Neophyte
Member # 20990

Icon 1 posted      Profile for N         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
After I told my doctor my risk factors (extremely low), I couldn't *get him* to give me a full STD screening even though I asked.
Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yasmin
Activist
Member # 32631

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Yasmin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For me, my boyfriend and I do eventually plan on getting tested together. I'm the only one he's does anything sexual with, and it's the same with me. But we do want to get tested, just to be totally sure.

Also, we don't use condoms/latex barriers/latex gloves when having oral or manual sex. It's never come up, and I honestly think it's unecessary. The only thing I worry about sometimes is contracting herpes from him when I'm recieving oral sex because he's had a cold sore before, though his last one was about three years ago. I know there's still a chance, but we just won't do it when he's about to have one, and that should be okay. I guess that's not very smart on my part, but I think it's highly unlikely that I'll end up getting genital herpes.

We want to get tested, but the timing and place and money is something we have to work out. It will be in the near future though!

Posts: 97 | From: California | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LFH
Neophyte
Member # 33487

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LFH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I found it difficult to answer this poll, because my safe sex option wasn't really included. I've had two sexual partners, and the first one, we were both virgins. No STIs, there, and I didn't need to be screened to know that.

As for my second partner, I asked him about his sexual history. He was also clean for STIs. We don't use condoms or dams, because we both know we're clean.

I feel that open and honest communication is one of the best safe sex methods out there. Obviously, if I don't know someone's sexual history, condoms are a must. But if I know a guy's STI-free, and I am, too, then I know I can have sex without a condom, and not risk contracting anything.

--------------------
Liberal Feminist Hippie

Posts: 22 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Lauren-     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thing is, though? People lie. If we had a strawberry for every young person who we've seen on the boards who swore up and down they knew their partner's sexual history and were confident they were STI-free, and came up with one later? We'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now!

[ 04-21-2007, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LFH
Neophyte
Member # 33487

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LFH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm pretty picky when it comes to sexual partners, though. Trust is important to me, even in a relationship that's purely sexual. If I have even the slightest feeling that the person I'm about to have condom-free sex with can't be trusted, then I won't.

I also donate blood on a semi-regular basis. If a partner lies to me, he's not just putting me at risk, but others, too. My current partner knows that, as well.

And if a guy ever did lie to me about his sexual history, I'd tear a strip off him. I can be a pretty scary person when I'm angry.

--------------------
Liberal Feminist Hippie

Posts: 22 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
But if I know a guy's STI-free, and I am, too, then I know I can have sex without a condom, and not risk contracting anything.

I also just want to make clear that when two people HAVE been tested for STIs twice, and BOTH come out with negative results -- when two people are monogamous afterwards, that means that risks are greatly REDUCED.

There is NO scenario with genital sex with ANYONE in which there is NO risk, ever. So, no one can say "I do X and have no risks," unless X is "I don't have close intimate contact with anyone." Otherwise, there is always some risk, it is simply far lesser when everyone involved's recent STI screens were negative, when partners have been and remain monogamous, and when safer sex was used for at least the first six months of sexual relations.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Activist
Member # 37530

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[QUOTE]Originally posted by RedGoddess:
"The one huge, big, overwheling one is the STI screenings. Being under 18 + getting an STI screening? Forget it. 1) Parents. Most would not approve, because they would relate an STI screening to sexual activity... which the average parent does NOT want to see in their minor. 2) Where and how much? A lot of teenagers are broke. Even if there is a PP within reachable distance, 3) Transportation! I actually took the initiative to go and finally get a screening, but my friend's mom took her car away from her, and that was my only ride, so I lost out. Trying again here at the AR PP once I can raise the money, but I am still relying on someone else for transportation. 4) Young and confused about how medical things work. What if I am on my parents' insurance, but don't want to use it because it might show up on the bill? What if my insurance is just crap and I need the total discount because it would be more expensive to use my insurance than to just pay as though I didn't have any? Is there any strange, unexpected medical paperwork to fill out? Will I have to know family history? Will I need some sort of ID? I don't feel equipped to deal with questions of technicality, rules, finance, etc."


I agree with most of everything you said, except for the part about the parents NOT wanting to get the child tested. It may just be my mom, but I promised her that if I ever did have any kind of sex, I would tell her, even though I havent exactly kept that promise. So, she doesnt even know that Im engaging in any kind of sex at all, and she still plans on making me go to the gyno in August and Im going to get tested, breast exam, ect., ect.! (I just turned 15 yesterday). Now, as far as the payment and it coming up on the insurance bill, I worry about that, too, not so much for the screening but for other things I may need in the future. [the bad thing about all of this is that I may be pregnant; I was actually suppose to start either yesterday or today and I havent. Ive had signs of early pregnancy, according to what Ive looked up, and my boyfriend and I are both about to s*** on ourselves.]

But goodluck getting money to get the screening and stuff, and maybe you could borrow money from close friends or family that you can trust.

--------------------
Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LoveIsNoExcuse
Neophyte
Member # 38917

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LoveIsNoExcuse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I haven't been tested yet because I'm a minor. I don't have easy access to clinics and I don't have the funds; I doubt my parents would approve of my getting tested since that would show that I'm sexually active. Despite it all, I'd find a way to get tested were it necessary, but I've only been sexually active with one person, and he has only been sexually active with me, so I feel it's unnecessary (although it's still possible to get STIs from toilet seats, etc).

--------------------
"Love is no excuse to procreate!"
-Human Sexual Response

Posts: 1 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
(Just in case you do want STI testing at some point -- though just know toilet seats are not a likely way to catch anything save maybe crabs -- know that being a minor or without funds doesn't have to be a barrier. Many states have programs expressly for minors to provide STI testing as well as birth control, privately and without payment on your part, or with very low payment.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mortality
Activist
Member # 35831

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mortality     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was orally raped and that time a condom was used.. So I get flashbacks if I go down on a guy with a condom on.
Posts: 122 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
panther11
Neophyte
Member # 38248

Icon 1 posted      Profile for panther11     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow the results of the poll was suprising! But very interesting, its fasinating to see how many people don't use safer practices, although the percentages weren't all to high in retrospect the number were. I'm not a perfect person and the poll made me think about why have i never used any type of protection with oral sex? I think the education on spreading STD's and STI's through intercorse is very high, but the education on also protecting yourself during oral sex is not. Thankfully i have not encountered any of those problems so far (and am currently with a stable partner) but the truth and fact is that it could very well happen to anyone at anytime if they are engaging in oral sexual activies. I greatly appreciated the poll and found it to be very informative and brought me more of a sense of self awareness!
Posts: 17 | From: california | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
NTHG
Neophyte
Member # 40744

Icon 1 posted      Profile for NTHG     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was stupid. Recently I read some article here saying "even if your partner says ze's virgin, ze might consider only intercourse and might have been involved in other sexual activity that's not safe". Then I realized I was stupid. Not only if they say they're virgin, but even if they say they're not "but I've always practiced safe sex", how can you trust? You can just not trust anyone at all.

Why haven't I had safe sex?
1) I AM trustworthy (to myself). I had never done anything but kissing. I needed no STD screening for myself.
2) I was stupid. I trusted him. I believed he had always used condoms. How could I believe him when he wasn't even willing to tell me how many people he'd been with? Stupid, stupid me!
3) I was stupid. I thought people who have practiced not-safe sex are usually worried about having an STD, even if they worry only for themselves and not about spreading, so they DO get a screening right away. He didn't look worried, so I trusted him. How stupid!
4) He lost erection when he tried wearing a condom (he said he hadn't had such problem before, and I trusted). So, since birth control was taken care of (COCP, pill) and we weren't worried about STDs, we just gave them up.
5) We felt it was more intimate that way...
6) Why didn't I ever bump into Scarleteen or something similar before everything started?

Fortunately, after more than a year none of us has shown any symptoms.
But YOU should NEVER risk it as I did. NEVER trust anyone.
Listen to Heather and other staff.

I'm thinking of getting a screening even without symptoms, just in case. Especially since I'm getting out of this relationship.

BTW: I am 7 years younger than him and was totally inexperienced. I have the feeling that, when you're with someone older and more experienced, you blindly trust them because you think "they know what they're doing", which is wrong. They might not have a clue about safe sex.

[ 10-24-2008, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: NTHG ]

Posts: 14 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Onionpie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
mmm I guess I'm a bit late on replying to this, but heck, I'm sure you'd like to hear it anyway... right? Or maybe your faith in humanity will drop even further as you hear from yet another unsafe teen.

I am aware of all the risks, as I've read almost every single article on this site, and have had rather good sex ed. from school and parents. And my doctor.

I take birth control pills, as pregnancy is my main worry at this age.

The main dealy is, we're always being told to never trust anyone. Which I just... can't bring myself to do. Because we're also told that relationships should be based on trust and communication. And I don't trust just anyone. I trust my boyfriend, as he has proven time and time again that he IS trustworthy.

And I never lie to him, though I know that doesn't mean he never lies to me, it makes it a possibility -- some people ARE worthy of your trust. I just can't base things off this idea that our relationship might have been a lie from the start. Maybe it's silly of me to trust him like that, but he has never shown me anything except complete loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness.

And it's not like he's unwilling to use protection -- at one point when my birth control pills were rendered possibly useless by antibiotics, he sure did agree to use a condom, and he obeyed my ridiculously strict but necessary rules I lay down -- "wash your hands thoroughly and scrub under your nails and clip them first before your hand goes anywhere near my knickers." and he didn't just obey; he completely understood and obeyed without much reluctance (only reluctance being when we were beginning to get down and dirty and I'd say "have you washed your hands?" and we'd have to stop fooly-around time for him to go and do so. Heck, even I was kind of reluctant at those times. Yet he still went and did it)

Not to mention we're both complete and utter virgins -- and YES, I am TRUSTING him on that. I mean, I hadn't even KISSED anyone before I met him. And he'd done no more than pecked a girl on the lips. Maybe that IS all a lie to get in my pants without protection, but once again, I cannot bring myself to assume that.

Then there's the whole thing -- man, protection is frigging expensive. And now with me without a job and paying $45 a week to my sax teacher, trying not to lose ALL my money before university, and him without a job and no money either, a $15 pack of condoms plus another $10 bottle of lube gets a bit pricey, what with having to buy more after every 24 goes at the ol' hanky panky. And okay, if we can't afford protection, we shouldn't be having sex.

Yeeeah, good luck with that.

I'm sure you know how hard it is to avoid sex when you're all snuggled up and completely and utterly turned on. And on top of that, hell you have the pill anyway so pregnancy's 99% out of the question, and what with the fact that you were virgins before meeting each other... it doesn't really have enough strength to stop your urges, which I guess is stupid, but it's hard to not let that happen.

Then the whole thing about condoms. They flipping stink like all kinds of hell. I dunno, maybe I'm just more sensitive to the smell or something, but they're pretty much disgusting. I hate the smell of latex, and bad smells do indeed turn me off. And not to mention, I could feel a difference, as could he -- he found it a little less sensitive, I found that I could feel the wrinkles at the end of the condom, it was odd and ended up distracting me completely from the act at hand.

The first time we used a condom, was also our first time having sex, only we didn't have lube so that really sucked. However, as I mentioned previously, we did use 'em a couple of times when I had recently been on antibiotics, and we had lube, and it just didn't feel that splendiculous. It didn't change the sensation THAT much, but enough to be noticable, and that added with the stench just kinda... sucked.

STI screening... I have no idea where to go for that. I don't have a gynecologist, but my doctor did say she'd start giving me yearly pap tests the next time i needed to refresh my BC prescription (in about 8 months), however that isn't a screening BEFORE being sexually active, is it. No. I also am unclear -- a pap test is, or at least includes, an STI screening, right? If so, then do I need a gyn when my doctor's doing that for me every year anyway? So I WILL be getting STI tests, I just hadn't had one before having unprotected sex.

And I for sure plan on getting one if I change partners, BEFORE we have sex, and I'd get the fella to have one as well, as I'd have already been sexually active, and the new partner probably would have been as well. You must be thinking "so how is this first partner an exception?" and I guess logically it doesn't make much sense, but it's because we're BOTH each other's first partner.

Every argument I have here must sound quite pathetic and careless on its own, but added together, everything just kind of is a complete put-off of proper safe sex practices. Being on the pill, both complete virgins, condoms being expensive and rather undelightful, future STI tests on their way anyway, it just doesn't make for a convincing enough argument to really make me feel the need to be 110% safe, you know? Because I feel safe enough as it is, in my boyfriend's arms.

Posts: 1302 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ArianaShelby
Neophyte
Member # 44329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ArianaShelby     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, I went to take the poll but none of the answers allowed me to indicate situations that weren't consensual. I've never had consensual sex. I have had manual, oral, vaginal intercourse w/o my consent though. I asked for a condom one time and was denied. Going through the poll questions made me a little annoyed because of this. It's like, yes I know it's illogical to be concerned about STIs but not use protection. But I didn't actually chose to not use protection. Were people who've been raped supposed to click "not sexually active" ? That seems like it would scew the results a bit.
Posts: 7 | From: Turtle Island | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
treetops
Activist
Member # 44381

Icon 1 posted      Profile for treetops     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Another thing is that the poll doesn't really allow for a change in behaviour - if I used to practise unsafe sex, but now am always as safe as possible, there isn't an option for saying that. In the last question, the only option for saying you practise safer sex is 'I practise safer sex, and always have'.
Posts: 161 | From: europe | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Actually, Ariana, I do NOT count rape as sex (and am also a survivor myself). So, I don't think that skews anything, this simply isn't a poll about rape, but about sex. And I do think that's as it should be: once you are choosing to have sex and making choices around it like safer sex, then by all means, come back and do polls like this. Until then, that a) wasn't sex and b) haven't been about any choice on your part, so it would feel more weird to me to consider it with those whose sex and sexual choices have been their own.

Treetops: I'd simply combine the whole of your experiences, which is what I presumed people would do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
treetops
Activist
Member # 44381

Icon 1 posted      Profile for treetops     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Fair enough. It'll be interesting to see what the outcomes are, anyway.

Also, I meant to say, since I've just joined, I really love this site and I think the work everyone here does is amazing! It's incredibly refreshing to find a place where people can ask questions without being talked down to, and without assumptions or judgements being made about their lives and choices.

I've learnt a huge amount just by reading these forums.
(This isn't really relevant to this thread, I just didn't mean my first comment to be a nitpicky negative-sounding one [Razz] )

Posts: 161 | From: europe | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nothing wrong with constructive critique!

And welcome. [Smile]

P.S. For you and anyone else interested in polls, we see more traffic at the main site, so our polls there tend to have more answers.

http://www.scarleteen.com/poll

There they are, and if you scroll to the bottom of the page, you'll see there's a second page of them. [Smile]

[ 10-16-2009, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BDuBoisFan
Neophyte
Member # 44050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BDuBoisFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For manual sex I haven't used gloves, but I've asked guys if their hands are clean, and they go and wash up. I mean, that can do the trick too, can't it? In fact, I remember reading that here.
Per oral sex, it's not sound practice to forego protection, yet I do anyway. I'm loathe to give, and I justify receiving by thinking that it's just not as risky a transmission route as penis in vagina or penis in mouth.

Posts: 21 | From: DC | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
panique
Neophyte
Member # 44513

Icon 1 posted      Profile for panique     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I haven't bothered with an STI screening, nor has my boyfriend. We were both virgins and hadn't had any other serious partners beforehand, so right now I don't really see a desperate need for it.

--------------------
"If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I would just yell out letters."

Posts: 29 | From: Queensland, Australia | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
redrover
Neophyte
Member # 47630

Icon 1 posted      Profile for redrover     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Panique, I have the same situation as you, although we both had literally no-one before each other (first kiss, first sex, everything together). I'm on the pill (initially for irregular periods) and we use condoms when I miss a tablet but my bf doesn't like them. Maybe we should practice with them more, i think our first experience, when the condoms I bought lacked lubricant (unlike the ones we played with at school in sex ed class-how was I to know there was a difference!) and we had a pretty crappy experience may still weigh in his mind a bit.

but I was wondering if, if you wanted/needed to, because you changed partners or got a cold sore or something, could you get tested?
Do us Aussies just go to our local GP and ask? My family doctor delivered me (was at my birth!) and although he was the one I spoke to to get the pill and I know I could do it, it would be one mighty awkward situation (for me) most likely.
I totally agree with the first response to heather's post- getting there and money is the biggest barriers to getting any health care. Even with Medicare (the government healthcare program in Aust) you still never know how much a consultation will cost if its not bulk billed, and do tests cost extra? Nobody tells you unless you ask, and I know alot of young people (myself included) are scared to.
I know I could ask my Mum, and would if I was particularly worried about it, but I admit i would go to her as a last resort, which I suppose is kind of sad.

--------------------
xoxo

Posts: 11 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Unfeature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3