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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » 16 & pregnant...

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Author Topic: 16 & pregnant...
kotastarr123
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Member # 95532

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So here's the story...
Back in the beginning of february, I went to a party at my friends house for her birthday. Her parents weren't there & there was alcohol and boys there. I met a boy who went to her old school and we hit it off.

Well, we were both pretty well drunk & he asked if I wanted to go talk in the spare room. Knowing full well what he had in mind I said yes. When we got back to the bedroom we talked for a while, and then we started making out. He started touching me all over my body, my breasts, my vag (through my pants) & my butt.

After a while of making out & feeling me up he grabbed my hand and was making me rub him through his pants. I was slightly uncomfortable with this but I continued anyways. I didn't get extremely uncomfortable until he tried to put his hands down my pants and I wouldn't let him. That's when he got angry.

I kept telling him no, but he kept trying to anyways then he just picked me up and slammed me down on me bed with him on top of me and he raped me.
He didn't use protection and he did cum inside me. I didn't get my period in te begining of march like i was supposed to but I thought it was just from the stress with my home life and I never told anyone about what happened that night. But when I didn't get it again this month I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was positive. & I know its from him because he is the only guy I have ever had intercourse with.

I'm so scared because I just turned 16 yesterday & I'm onlybin the 9th grade. I don't know what to do or who to tell because my dad told me if I ever get pregnant he would kick me out. I have no where to go & none of my family associated with me because of my dad.. I just need some help. & I'm not getting an abortion because I don't beleve in that.

Please, please help me. Any advice is welcome.

Posts: 6 | From: pennsylvania united states | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarleteen, kotastar. I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through! I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with an unwanted pregnancy on top of that. Let's see what we can do to help, alright?

The very first thing I would suggest you do is make an appointment to see a gynecologist and confirm your pregnancy. That is especially important if you plan to carry to term - the sooner you can start your pre-natal healthcare, the better. The doctor can also give you some more information on your options for this pregnancy - abortion, adoption or parenting. It sounds like you have already made up your mind to carry to term, but it may still be useful to get more information on that, and also on adoption and parenting. We can also link you to some articles on either of the options, if you are interested.

The next important step would be to build a support system. Regardless of what you chose to do, the road ahead is going to be tough to travel, and it's always better to have a friend or two along.

You say that you are not in touch with your extended family because they do not get along with your father. Can you maybe try to reach out to them, anyway? After all, they might be the people to best understand why he is not your optimal source of support in this situation.

Another good source of support can be your school counselor, or any other teacher that you trust.

What might also be useful to you would be to reach out to a rape crisis center. They are also the people to talk to if you are thinking of pressing charges. We can help you find a center near you, if you'd like.


But first, let's get this pregnancy confirmed by a doctor, alright? And then we'll go from there. And if you have any questions or anything that you need from us, just let us know.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just FYI, that wasn't a conversation cutoff: we can talk more with you about any of this before you have that appointment.

We can also help you find out where to go to get an appointment -- to establish pregnancy, for pre-natal, and/or for options counseling -- too. Same goes with any information you might want about reporting this sexual assault, if you want to consider that.

[ 04-12-2012, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kotastarr123
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Thank you & I am going to make an appointment today at family planning. And can I still report it even though it happened so long ago?

I would like to press charges but I don't even know his last name..

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Dakota

Posts: 6 | From: pennsylvania united states | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You can still file a report, but there are some buts on a situation like this to know:

1) Without a last name, there's likely no way to get a report filed. You don't know it, but I bet someone who was at that party does. So, perhaps you can ask around to find it out?

2) Even though they can't collect any evidence at this point (well, not right now: I know it's weird to talk or think about, but fetal tissue or a baby is a kind of evidence), so pressing charges might be out -- might, not certainly, and maybe just for now, again, your pregnancy changes things a bit -- you can still at least file a report. If you never can or do press charges, or they think they don't have enough to go on, that report can at least still be there in case he attacks someone else again, and they can press charges, giving them more to strengthen THEIR case.

Of course, even if it doesn't result in charges, if you want to report, simply reporting might be something important to you to help you start to heal and feel better and more safe. That alone can certainly be motivation enough.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kotastarr123
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Okay, I'm pretty sure my friend would know his last name. I'm going to file a report. I'm not quite sure if I want to press charges yet. I still want to think about it.

Its just still a lot for me to take in. I'm not ready for this. But I made an appointment for tomorrow after school. I gues I just have to take it one day at a time.

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Dakota

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Heather
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You can also talk with who you file the report with to know and understand all your options around pressing charges to help you make that choice.

By all means, this is a LOT to deal with at once: a sexual assault, a pregnancy from that assault, fear of being kicked out of the house, choices with that pregnancy. I think feeling overwhelmed is a given, and I'm not sure how anyone ever could be ready for any of this.

I agree, you can only do as much as you can do at a time, and this is all big stuff you can't expect to be able to sort out at once.

Do you feel good about where you made an appointment tomorrow? Do you have any questions about what might happen or be available to you at the family planning clinic tomorrow we can help you with?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kotastarr123
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I do feel pretty good about the appointment. I think I'm going to ask my friend to come with me.

Would they be able to tell me how far along I am and when my due date is if that tests also comes up positive? Or would I have to go to a baby doctor for that?

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Dakota

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Heather
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Where are you going? In other words, what kind of doctor are you going to see tomorrow?

And you were assaulted in early February? If so, then you're likely around 6-7 weeks pregnant right now, give or take.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kotastarr123
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I'm not entirely sure, I'm not sure if I'm just going in to get a pregnancy test or what they're going to do. I just said that I was calling to schedule an appointment for a pregnancy test and we made the appointment.

I've been there once with my friend but she was getting tested for std's.

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Dakota

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Heather
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So, it's a bonafide health clinic where they do things like GYN exams and STI testing?

If so, you should be able to get both a pregnancy test, potentially even an ultrasound, and a bimanual exam: all the same things a private OB/GYN could offer you at this stage of a pregnancy. If they can do all of that, then yep, they'll be able to tell you how far into the pregnancy are and give you an estimated delivery date, too.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kotastarr123
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Alright, well all I can do now is wait for tomorrow & see how things go.

I don't even want to think about telling my dad untill I know for sure.

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Dakota

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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And I think that's fine. If you like, when you come back after tomorrow, I'd be happy to talk with you about strategies for doing that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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