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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » not really sex related or owt.

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Author Topic: not really sex related or owt.
Jog
Neophyte
Member # 93676

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Dunno why I'm posting this up on here, and its not really an emergency or anything. i kinda feel pretty depressed most of the time though. i recently left a good job in the forces due to stress through the training and all that, so that's pretty embarrassing, and annoying because i wish i could have completed the training and followed it through. but anyway, i kinda landed on my feet with an apprenticeship as a truck mechanic - my only experience of full time work other than my few months in the Army.
A lot of the time at work I'm frustrated at being bossed around and people ripping on me for no reason all the time. its not like I've ever done anything to deserve anything like that, but when i complain about that they just say its 'banter'. so.. whatever.
i dunno why i feel so depressed all the time though, my life's not bad materially speaking, though i know thats not everything. i left college twice in the last few years and haven't really got many friends from all that. maybe one or two mates from college, but i guess I'm just not in anyones thoughts enough for them to contact me or anything. First time (and only time) I've had sex was like, 3 years ago, the relationship ended badly, and the only girlfriend i had after that was about a year ago, but we never felt comfortable enough with each other to have full sex or anything. so i guess its pretty lame i can't find a girl i really like, and for her to feel the same way.
I also live like, out in the countryside, and i guess I've grown up being used to being bored, as i am almost always bored. living out in the middle of nowhere. so its like, a real effort to go into town or anything to meet people - and i don't really have many friends to go out into town and socialise with.
i go to college one day a week to learn theory about my apprenticeship, and by a stroke of luck one who used to be one of my best friends now goes to the same college. but he doesn't seem to want to meet up with me or anything for some reason, so... i dunno. it seems like people are avoiding me, and kinda feels like people have either forgotten about me, or have heard rumours about me or something.
to sum up, i just feel really isolated. the people i spend most of my life with (at work) act like I'm the worlds funniest joke, and my family annoys me (a whole different rant). i spend most of my time not working, and the weekends, shut up in my bedroom as its the only room in the house i don't get any hassle or awkward tension with my family, and is also the only room thats nice to be in. sometimes i do drink alone in my room, watching south park or family guy and films etc. my life's just gotten really sad and depressing, not that i always feel sad and depressed, but in essence i don't like my life very much. i do like my job, but hate the way I'm treated. i often end up harming myself at work, nothing involving blades or anything but i do smack my head on walls a lot and punch stuff to let out frustration, but I've been kept up at night a lot lately with just stuff going through my mind. everyone seems to be so much happier than me, so i dunno why my minds so messed up. i think, i may be kinda, bipolar. but i don't want it to have a name.
seriously though, i don't expect you to read this rant or take it seriously as many people go through stuff worse than this, and my boring writing style will have turned everyone off this post 5 lines in. cheers anyway. x

Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it certainly sounds like you're most likely struggling with some kind of depression, and possibly have been for some time. I'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time for so long.

Have you ever sought out help around any of this in the past?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jog
Neophyte
Member # 93676

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yeah i don't know what it is really, but i wish it was something i could just switch off. i mean, sometimes i feel ridiculously happy about something trivial and dull. most of the other time I'm pretty miserable. I've never really seen anyone about it, or told anyone about it, though i did see a welfare person in the army, but that was more about stress i was going through at the time. not really a big fan of myself at the moment anyway, but cheers for the sympathy haha.
Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it's likely not something you can just switch off, but probably IS something you can get help managing so that you can feel a whole lot better.

How about going ahead and talking with someone about it who can evaluate this, figure out what's what, and then fill you in on your options?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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