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Author Topic: HELP! No orgasm?
sarahb67
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so im 19 and i've had my boyfriend for about 2 months now. i want to be able to express myself sexually to him but whenever we get around to doing it im not turned on at all. this is my first time so im kinda rusty on what turns me on, but i find i get bored fast. i like when he nibbles on my ear and breaths into it. i also like when he plays with my boobs, licks the bottom stomach area, touches the back of my neck, but i can never stay turned on. i know im not a late bloomer because i do get horny just not at the right places at the right times. could you give me some examples of what you like? or how i can control this abit better?

[ 12-02-2011, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: sarahb67 ]

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Heather
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What other people like may have nothing at all to do what you do.

Let's start by stepping this back a little bit. If people don't feel very excited about the sex they're engaging in, they're not likely to reach orgasm.

You say you tend to lose interest and arousal during sexual activity with this person. Do you feel very sexually attracted to this person? When you engage in sex, or even start to just make out, are you initiating that out of feelings of desire, not just feeling of WANTING to feel desire?

How about your sex life alone: do you masturbate? If so, how has that been feeling and going for you?

You also say you don't feel desire in "the right places or at the right times." Can you say a bit more about what you mean by that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sarahb67
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
What other people like may have nothing at all to do what you do.

Let's start by stepping this back a little bit. If people don't feel very excited about the sex they're engaging in, they're not likely to reach orgasm.

You say you tend to lose interest and arousal during sexual activity with this person. Do you feel very sexually attracted to this person? When you engage in sex, or even start to just make out, are you initiating that out of feelings of desire, not just feeling of WANTING to feel desire?

How about your sex life alone: do you masturbate? If so, how has that been feeling and going for you?

You also say you don't feel desire in "the right places or at the right times." Can you say a bit more about what you mean by that?

well im just asking for some suggestions [Razz] . well this is my first time, and i deffinatly think he looks good. im honestly a person who thinks a ton, so i'll start thinking to myself halfway through and maybe thats what ruins it? i initiate it because he starts it usually xD.

no, i dont masturbate.

im not too sure, but i'll just randomly become horny while we're hanging out with friends or something. i dont say anything because theres usually nothing i can do at that point. when we're going to initiate in sex i usually dont feel anything down there or anywhere, however when he licks my nipples i feel a weird feeling i got when i was a kid when i became attracted to certain people. that feeling usually only lasted a week, but it goes away quickly after that for him.

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sarahb67
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though when i was younger i could initiate an orgasm with just my imagination, but i've lost my imagination because i was getting too addicted to it :\. what i always used in my imagination was a guy *anime guy at that >.>* shoving me into a wall and basicly forcing it on me xD i'd escape his grip a couple times before we actually did it but each time he'd chase me down and smash me into some object.

[ 12-02-2011, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: sarahb67 ]

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Heather
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Addiction is a term with a very specific meaning, and it's about things external to you, like drugs or alcohol. The idea of addiction to the imagination is never anything I've seen documented anywhere. Certainly, there are some mental health conditions were people can wind up living a fantasy life, but that's not the same thing.

How people look isn't all there is to sexual feelings. That's often part of them, but only one part, and we can like how someone looks but not have sexual feelings for them or feel sexual chemistry with them.

I have a few suggestions for you to get started with:

1) How about you just write down the ideas or fantasies that do get you sexually excited right now? Not when you were younger, unless they've stayed the same, but in the present. How about also writing down the times you have felt excited? Like, when you felt excited with friends and were hanging out, what do you think excited you? identifying these things can be helpful.

2) How about you don't engage in any kind of sex or touch that doesn't feel great to you? For instance, you say touch with your nipples feels good, but genital touch is not feeling exciting. When that's the case, do you say so and ask for what does feel good and nix what doesn't?

3) How about you start experimenting with masturbation? That's how most people, of all genders usually first learn to reach orgasm and also learn a whole lot about what they enjoy and what turns them on.

Also, when you find yourself getting distracted by your thoughts, that's usually a cue you're just not that into what's gong on. When that happens, what do you typically do and say to your partner?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sarahb67
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Sorry, thats just how i described it hahaa. then i almost started living in a fantasy world [Razz] . Hmm.. alright.

1) i havn't really done anything sexual or thought anything like that since i stopped "living" that fantasy life. im pretty sure they've stayed the same. im not too sure what made me excited with my friends but i was really turned on :\. the night before he went down on me, and i guess i was thinking about that that turned me on. also the next morning i woke up horny.

2) I say sometimes if it feels good. hahaa, yea i really should start expressing myself more often huh? :\.

3) Yea i thought it would come to that xD. Alright, might as well try.

ahh, i dont know why i dint just assume that -.- i usually just focus on pleasing him at that time.

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katie gurl
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i'm in the same boat as you sarahb! i've been dating my boyfriend for over 10 months & just recently i get no genital stimulation! i usually just focus on his satisfaction! so just incase you might be feeling down about this, just know you're not alone!
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