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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Feeling nothing

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Author Topic: Feeling nothing
SeriouslyTroubled
Neophyte
Member # 67656

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Hello, I was recently wondering about something and thought this is the right place to ask...
I have problem with feeling pleasure from genital stimulation. There just isn't any.
When I try to touch myself, or when I'm being touched, I feel just... well, touch. No tingling, no pleasure, nothing. Not near the vaginal opening, not in the labia, not in my clitoris... Even if I'm aroused (I know I am, cause my vulva is very lubricated) it doesn't change. And it has always been like that.

Me and my current boyfriend are together for over half a year. I enjoy being sexual with him, we engaged in some manual sex. I thought it would be different with him, but the sensation (or should I say lack of it?) was the same as always. Nothing, despite me really wanting to feel something.
I don't know why it's like that. We feel great with each other, can talk freely about sex, I even told him about it and we tried various types of stimulation... He knows I've never had an orgasm and is very concerned about it.
We'd like to try genital intercourse, but with such problem I'm afraid it'd be disappointing for both of us...

I wonder if there's something I can do about it. I know there's nothing wrong with my vulva, since my gynecologist didn't say anything.
I suffer from severe depression for almost half of my life – could this be the case? I am aware it can decrease libido and so can antidepressants, but my libido is still here. It's the sensation what's missing.
I also live in very stressful environment and I have problems with relaxation. But I feel relaxed around my boyfriend... Eh, I don't really know what to think about it...

[ 07-18-2011, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: SeriouslyTroubled ]

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georgiexx
Activist
Member # 51769

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I have depression and anxiety, and i have exactly the same problem. its very frustrating. i think it might be because of the depression,just so you know you arnt alone :)and the last part, also exactly the same as me. my household is a very stressful environment, and theres alot of tension. when i was with my boyfriend i felt fine, i felt better. but the sexual part was still nothing.. [Frown]

i know that wasnt much help, but just so you know you arnt the only one. in fact, im quite relieved that I'M not the only one!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can we talk about how you experience pleasure with other body parts?

For sure, depression can have an impact on this, but I first want to check in about your expectations and seeing what they're based in.

So, when you say you don't feel any pleasure, are there experiences of feeling pleasure in your body differently you're comparing your sexual experiences to? If so, can you tell me a little about them?

Can I also check in about how much sexual arousal and desire you're feeling before and during genital sex/touch? Even when you are feeling SO VERY EXCITED, sexually, are you feeling like the genital sensation you're experiencing is very minimal? Are you experiencing sensitivity in other parts/places of your body when you're feeling that aroused?

Just one quickie, having vaginal lubrication all by itself doesn't automatically mean a person in very aroused. That's one possible symptom of many, but also something that can happen when a person isn't aroused, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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SeriouslyTroubled
Neophyte
Member # 67656

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Heather:

I do experience pleasure in the other parts of my body. I really enjoy being touched and caressed, both sexually and non-sexually. My skin is generally very susceptible to touch, only my genital area (and sometimes breasts) is not.

And when it comes to desire... Well, when I try masturbating, I'm not very sure about it, because it has never worked and I just don't have any expectations anymore... But when it comes to partnered sex, I know I want it and I'm ready to feel good... And the things do feel good, just the genital stimulation doesn't. The other parts of my body are usually (not always) very sensitive then.


Georgiexx :

You may think it wasn't much help, but I, too, am relieved to know that I'm not the only one. Thank you! [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, compared to how you feel pleasure with other parts of your body, how would you describe what you're feeling (or aren't) genitally?

Can I also check in and ask about your sexual history? Do you have any history of any kind of sexual trauma, be that rape or other assault, or even things like verbal shaming or silence around sex or genitals from family growing up?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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SeriouslyTroubled
Neophyte
Member # 67656

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It's a difficult question, because depression impairs my memory, but I try to answer the best I can.

I've never been sexually abused or assaulted. When it comes to my family, the topic of sex wasn't taboo or something. I can talk to my mother about sex and body, and we're both okay with it. The only thing that comes to my mind is that, when I was young, she treated masturbation as something bad and scolded me when I tried something. I felt it was very wrong and shameful back then, but I think I managed to outgrow this kind of thinking.
Another thing that may be connected with the problem is my first relationship. It was kinda emotionally abusive. I wanted to have sex with that guy (silly me, I know...), but he treated sex as something completely unnecessary, refused to touch me in sexual way and derided my sexual needs.

And about the pleasure... It's hard to describe, too. When I'm touched in the other places, there's this kind of tingling sensation, something like tickling, but more pleasurable. But in my genital area there's none. I just feel touch, like pressure or movement, but it doesn't bring me anything good. Eh, I can't describe it well. [Frown]

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