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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » The Big 'O' (for girls) ADVICE PLEASE!

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Author Topic: The Big 'O' (for girls) ADVICE PLEASE!
PinkTeaCup
Neophyte
Member # 50942

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. He was my first, and we've been having sex for about a year and a half. I am very comfortable with him, and he's very caring about the topic of sex, and always tries his hardest to please me. For some reason, I can never get to that big 'O'. I have only once, and that was a year ago. If anyone has a few pointers on why I just can't reach this, or tips on how I can, that would be awesome!
Posts: 5 | From: U.S. | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Do you masturbate? If so, do you climax with masturbation?

When you talk about sex, are you referring to intercourse only? Or do you and your partner also engage in other types of sex, such as manual or oral? If so, how do those work for you?

How is your relationship over all? Do you feel comfortable with him, trust him?

How about your feelings about your own body? Do you have any self-esteem issues?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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PinkTeaCup
Neophyte
Member # 50942

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I masturbate every once in a while, I get more pleasure having intercourse with my boyfriend though. The only time I climaxed with masturbation was the same day that I climaxed with him.
We have tried all sex, manual, oral, anal, and intercourse. I climaxed during intercourse.
I do feel very comfortable with him, and trust him... there have been things that happened in the past that upset me, and we've had sex with other people... but I've never been with anyone that I've felt as comfortable with as him. We've been together for over a year now, since the other people.
When I'm around him now, I'm very comfortable with my own body.
Maybe it's that I'm thinking too much when we do engage in sex?
How would i practice to stop that?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By all means spectatoring -- the term for obsessing on orgasm or focusing on it intensely during sex -- is the undoing of many an orgasm. It's one of the biggest reasons people who don't reach orgasm don't.

You've said you've been trying all kinds of sex: are you very much enjoying yourself during those kinds of sex? If and when anything doesn't feel really great, are you communicating with your partner so one or both of you can make adjustments?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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PinkTeaCup
Neophyte
Member # 50942

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I do know not to obsess over an orgasm during sex, because that gives your mind a 'block'. We do what feels good, and I really do get into it. If something doesn't feel good, I do tell him, and we switch things up to make it work.

I don't think about not orgasming often, I just wish I could get ideas on how to just 'let it flow' when I do.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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How about trying to go back to masturbation some? If you really feel way more amped when your partner is involved, that's even something you can do with him, or say, do alone, but with him on the phone during phone sex.

When trying masturbation before, were you using any toys at all? Trying a whole bunch of different things to really explore what you like? Making it about more than just your genitals?

One of the biggest reasons I suggest that is for most people, of all genders, reaching orgasm first happens with masturbation, not partnered sex.

[ 12-20-2010, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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PinkTeaCup
Neophyte
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No, I haven't used toys because I'm too young to order them, and still live with my parents. Buying them would be kind of embarrassing.

Although, my boyfriend and I have tried the vibrating ring that goes around his penis, it just didn't get me there.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can I ask you to maybe talk about why you'd feel embarrassed buying toys? I'm wondering if that might not give us some extra information to work with on this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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PinkTeaCup
Neophyte
Member # 50942

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Really, the only place I know to get them at is 'Spencers' in the mall, which I feel the people there would look at me weird. If it was somewhere there were women and not creepy men, it wouldn't feel as weird. Plus, I'm under 18, and thought I couldn't.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay, so that doesn't give me any additional information: was worth a try! [Smile]

So, per your own masturbation, have you at least changed things up for yourself in terms of fantasies, really making space to have time to masturbate, exploring different ways of touching yourself?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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